Thursday, October 14, 2004

Car Ride Home: When Silence isn't Golden

You and your boyfriend have established a bond. You feel that things are going well. You head out in his car for another wonderful date. Everything seems fine. You have a nice dinner and see a movie.
On the ride back, there's silence. Should you read anything into it?
Silent car rides may indicate several things. Both of you may be thinking about your relationship. When to take that next step.
A new relationship has its pitfalls and its growing pains. You are both learning about each other.
You may think things are going well, but there maybe underlying problems you haven't noticed.
Silent car rides home, if they become frequent, may indicate something may change course.
If you love him, even with his faults, then your relationship can survive. But if things below the surface are lurking, this continued silence may be more serious than either one of you may admit.
Will one boot drop? Don't let it happen if you want this to work. Hold his hand. Non verbal gestures can mean a lot. Play both of your favorite music on the ride home, if there is silence.
Or start a conversation. Nothing heavy, mind you, but try to inforce your committment.
But if things aren't working, NEVER, NEVER bring it up to him on the car ride back home.
And if, heaven forbid, you are thinking about severing your relationship, NEVER do it during the car ride back.
There is never a right time to drop the bomb. We all have had to make that decision. It's never easy. You may see that coming, you may not. But there are warning signals. We all look back after the fact, and we can almost always identify that turning moment. Was it the silent car ride home? It all depends. If it's worth saving, invest your energy doing it. If it isn't, make a clean break. We all have to or have had made that decision. But it's just a passage of gay male relationships. You can survive. Life goes on. Make yourself happy. You're a stud and if this guy doesn't appreciate you, another guy will. And the dating cycle continues.

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