Friday, December 15, 2006
Tis the season to HO! HO! HO!
From the Beverly Hills Center which features Hunky Santas this year to your neighbor bar, Santa's men are keeping with the spirt of the Holiday season.
So why so many Santas this time of year? And why are they always shirtless?
I guess being one of Daddy Santa's helpers puts them in a playful spirit. Hey, I think deep down inside Santa's lap has always been a turn on to many guys. And those shiny boots, well a guy in big boots is certain to have a big heart.
Trust Daddy Santa's helpers to find out who has been naughty as well as nice. And let them know that yes, it is equally great giving as well as receiving.
In the true Holiday spirit, I want to give all you hot studs big, warm hairy muscle hugs. I wish for everyone inner happiness, love with their special man, and passionate smooches under the mistletoe. While Daddy Santa may wear the big boots, it's you guys out there who everyday make the world a better place to be.
Friday, December 08, 2006
It's that time of year when Madison Avenue advertisers want us to unload our cash, max out our credit cards, all for the sake of spending our hard earned income.
Time and time again, we fall for this, and usually end up miserable with piles of bills to pay off.
I tell you guys, you don't have to "shop til you drop" this year.
I have cut out unnecessary spending, learning to do so last year at this time while I was mending from my operation. Not everyone needs more sweaters. So how about one sexy item like a hot jock or a pair of sexy briefs. And always add some customer service to the gift. Helping the guy try on his Christmas present is half the fun. Both the giver and the receiver are sharing in the spirit of the season.
I do know that Lance Bass' Christmas list is down by one, so is Reichen's. Too bad for these boys. It just wasn't meant to be.
Also take care where to wear your wallet in public during this high season of pickpockets. And NEVER, NEVER bring a wallet out to the bars. Only take enough cash for cab fare, and drinks and tips. And of course, your ID or driver's license. And if you must wear a wallet, put it in your front pocket. Hey, unless you're in good company like this cowboy in the above photo, it's wise to not have your wallet in a place where it could be easily grabbed and stolen. Besides, having empty back pockets in jeans, especially, allows you to show off those hot butt cheeks. WOOF.
Just wanted to share some sane tips to make your Christmas holiday a pleasant one. It's really a time to celebrate the true meaning, embrace your hot man and let him know how much you cherish him, not just on Christmas, but everyday.
P.S. Any thoughts on what to do with those candy canes that seem to end up in everybody's Christmas stocking? Well, forget those skinny ones. If you must give them, get ones that are thicker and bigger, so they are less likely to break. Used the correct way, candy canes can be a pleasurable treat, both by the fireplace or under the mistletoe. Now that's what I call celebrating the spirit of the season.
Friday, December 01, 2006
Today we take time out to reflect on AIDS, how it has affected our lives as gay men, who it has killed, and why we should always play safe.
What I think about most is all of our gay brothers who have died or are living with AIDS. I miss those you have died, and I cherish those who are living proudly and passionately as HIV positive men.
If I could grant one wish today, it would be for AIDS to be wiped off the face of the Earth. But I know that is a selfish wish. But still, in our daily lives, we can make sure that AIDS is something that we can prevent. Safer sex is definitely one way. Also being honest with our partners is yet another way.
Only we as responsible gay men can beat AIDS and keep it from spreading among our tribe.
So today we remember those who have died, we can pledge to continue the fight against the spread of AIDS in our lives. Playing safe, and being responsible for ourselves and our partners, are the best defenses against AIDS.
One day, hopefully, we will not have reason for a World AIDS Day. Until then, each of us can never let down our guard. Together we can make progress in the fight, the fight that will be won, and make sure that those lives lost were not lost in vain.
Friday, November 17, 2006
The top ones are from Titan Men and Raging Stallions. Of the next four, two are from the Calendar Cops 2007, one from BearMen and the drawing from Michael Breyette.
Michael Breyette, an openly gay artist, is one of the best artists I have ever seen. His fantastic artwork about the nude male body shows passionate, uninhibited men enjoying each other to the fullest.
There are probably many more out there that I have missed. If you have favorites, let me know. If you live near an area that sells these calendars, wait until after Christmas. These calendars do go on sale for half price.
You guys are all my calendar men. Big hairy muscle hugs and WOOFS.
Friday, November 10, 2006
Maybe our troops in Iraq may be coming home sooner now that e Tuesday's election results have mandated a change in policy.
And hopefully someday, our gay soldiers can fight as open and proud men, who won't be hounded by that stupid, "don't ask, don't tell" policy. I really hate Sam Nunn for ever initiating such a dum fuck policy.
Thought I'd celebrate by posting and sharing some hunky military photos. Have a great Veteran's Day weekend. While you're out this weekend, walk up and give a gay veteran a big hug. That's the best way I know to support our troops.
Friday, November 03, 2006
The following is from an article published in November 3rd's Washington Blade:
Jokes of being "gay-dead" at 40 were funny until the line was pushed back to 30 and finally 25, reducing the number of gay dating years to about 10, assuming you're lucky enough to come out during high school.
Sensing that the generation gap was in danger of turning into a canyon, members of local gay community group the D.C. Center decided to introduce an intergenerational discussion group, "Twinks and Geezers," to foster better dialogue between older and younger gay men. A series of talks in locations around D.C. address issues of ageism, and the first event, held Oct. 24, the same night as the annual High Heel Race, attracted 18 people of varying ages and ethnicities.
"It's human nature to form into groups with people that are like you," says Adam Smith, 23, who helped organize the workshop series. "Forming friendships with people who aren't like you is important, which is why it's good to have these cross-generational relationships."
Plenty of barriers to creating intergenerational relationships exist, however. A host of factors, including biases, youth worship and fear of cultural reaction, play into ageism among gay men and lesbians.
The idea of being "gay dead" at 25 is an example of the accelerated aging perception that affects gay men in particular, says Ken South, 60, who is a member of the Center's elder outreach committee and who has worked extensively on the issue of ageism among gays.
"Gay men, especially single gay men who are approaching 40, think it's the end of their life and start acting like they're 80," South says. "The whole idea of being an old gay man strikes terror in the hearts of most gay men. They don't even want to talk about it. They don't want to think about it. It's just so real. There's such incredible association in the gay male community with youth and beauty. It just permeates everything.
"When was the last time a circuit party gave a discount for seniors? If a group of 10 guys in their 80s walked into those places, people would probably get ill."
While most people might be under the impression that only the vain gay "boiz" suffer from this image crisis, think again. Another thing about assimilating into mainstream culture, unfortunately, is that it assimilates into you.
MENTORING IS AN important relationship that helps younger people to learn from and emulate adults who aren't their parents. This can be especially critical among gay men and lesbians who don't always have the benefit of parental acceptance, but some gay men say that the opportunities for traditional mentorship roles have declined in recent years.
"When I was growing up, there were a lot of older gay men that were sort of there," says Lorenzo Taylor, 50, who attended the first workshop for Twinks and Geezers. He was surprised to learn that much of the gay connection that younger men have is fostered through the internet.
"That felt kind of sad to me — their connection to the gay community being through online communication rather than an oral legacy," says Taylor. "The other thing that sort of surprises us, too, is that there's no place in the gay community for mentoring."
Bruce Weiss, 39, who attended the Oct. 24 workshop and is also executive director of the Sexual Youth Minority Assistance League, a local gay youth group, says that fears of societal rebuke for interacting with young people has added to the dearth of mentoring opportunities.
"Some people have had a fear about serving youth because they didn't want to be perceived as trying to get young people to turn gay," says Weiss.
SMYAL policies for adult volunteers are very strict, demonstrating the delicate care working with gay youth requires.
"We don't have that fear because we're doing this work regardless of what others may think, but we are very mindful of the risks and very cautious of having any adults working with young people," Weiss says.
Among gay men, eradicating bias about the motivations of mentoring relationships is an essential part of working against ageism.
"The issues of ageism are so insidious in the community — the general community, American society — but in the LGBT community it's especially insidious," says the Center's South.
Among gay men, some of the barriers between the generations involve a concern from younger men that older men are only interested in them as potential sex partners.
"If you're in a bar situation, you're going to think, 'Oh, there's this old guy hitting on me,' when that's not necessarily the case," says Smith.
Some of this disconnect could have been caused by the AIDS epidemic. With the staggering loss of gay men to AIDS throughout the '80s and '90s, an entire generation of gay men was virtually wiped out, leaving the upcoming youth frequently without guidance or a variety of interaction with older men.
"I certainly think the ageism among gay men would have been tempered if we hadn't lost the generation that we did because of AIDS," says Marcy Adelman, who did seminal work on gay aging in the '70s, including her involvement with the National Institute of Mental Health's first study on gay aging in 1975.
Groups like Twinks and Geezers aim to bridge the gap between generations.
"This program doesn't surprise me," Adelman says about Twinks and Geezers. "I think it's a part of that change that's happening."
Others see bridging the divide between old and young as key to forwarding the gay rights movement.
"I think we're kind of where we were at the movement about 15 years ago when we finally recognized our LGBT youth and brought them into our movement," says Moli Steinert, 54, who runs Open House, a non-profit gay and lesbian senior residential community based in San Francisco. "It's not until we recognize our elders that we can really truly call ourselves family. It's a necessary step in our own maturity as a movement to do that."
I think these guys are onto something. We were all twinks for a short period of our gay lives. At that time, we didn't want to be pawed by some "old" dude. But now for us over 40, we are the "old dudes". So what goes around, comes around.
But I think this time things could be different. We got the net, we got dozens of places like MySpace and LiveJournal to connect and make buddies, young and old.
How we do this, is set an example. Life is too short to fuck it up. Younger gay guys somehow got to learn from their gay life experiences. We can be there for them to make their transition a little less painful and a whole lot more enjoyable.
I'd like to hear your views on this. This isn't a Man-Boy Love thing we are talking about here. It is about sharing experience. But first we "daddies" have to prove ourselves worthy of such mentoring. We have to have our "shit together". And we have to wait for younger guys to ask us, not impose and inflict our "wisdom" on them. Yes this is nuturing, and yes, this is being patient, but hey, we're here to be helpful and yes, to provide that strong shoulder to lean on, but not wean on.
Friday, October 27, 2006
My recent posts have dealt with strides we have made by coming out of the closet, as well as clout we have earned as role models. But yet we get bashed and raped. Here's the details.
FBI reports, though anti-gay crime accounts for 14.2 percent of reported incidents.
Hate crimes in the United States dropped last year by 6 percent, the FBI reported, though hate crimes based on sexual orientation accounted for 14.2 percent of reported incidents.
More than half of all hate crimes were triggered by victims' race, with religion coming in a distant second, the FBI reported Monday, but Joe Solmonese, president of the Human Rights Campaign, noted that changes in federal law sought by gay activists would more accurately reflect the extent of anti-LGBT violence.
"Sexual orientation remains the third-highest recorded bias crime in our country, which underscores that anti-gay hate crimes are a very real problem nationwide," Solmonese said Tuesday in a written statement.
The highest percentage of anti-gay attacks in the 16 years the FBI has tracked them was in 2002, when 16.7 percent of the nation's hate crimes targeted people based on their perceived orientation.
Victim-advocate groups, such as the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs, contend that the number of attacks against gays is much higher.
The Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act, passed in September 2005 by the House but becalmed in the Senate, would update federal hate crimes statutes to include sexual orientation, gender identity and disability.
"The numbers of anti-gay hate crimes also indicate the need for state and local governments to do more to prevent and investigate hate crimes. Bias-motivated crimes require a comprehensive response at every level of government," Solmonese said.
The vast majority of hate crimes in both 2004 and 2005were motivated by race, according to the reports, which detailed the data based on so-called "single-bias" incidents. That means the crime was motivated by only one kind of bias against the victim, according to the FBI.
Victims were assaulted in more than half -- 50.7 percent -- of the hate crime cases against people. Six people were murdered and another three were raped in reported hate crimes last year. The rest of the victims -- 48.9 percent -- were intimidated, the report shows.
The FBI also looked at hate crime incidents that targeted property, with 81.3 percent of cases resulting in damage, destruction or vandalism. Sixty percent of the known offenders in 2005 were white, and 20 percent were black, the report showed.
The data was collected from city, county, state, tribal and federal law enforcement agencies across the United States.
Friday, October 20, 2006
C alifornia researcher Gary Gates has been hearing things lately:
Lots of closet doors opening like never before -- and in places where most gay folks five years ago were too wary of government census takers to acknowledge being in a same-sex relationship.
"The closet door is really opening. That's especially true in the Midwest," says Gates, author of a fascinating study based on the newly released 2005 American Community Survey -- a sort of mini-Census -- and the National Survey of Family Growth, both conducted by the federal government.
Overall, the number of same-sex couples identifying themselves to the government soared 30 percent in five short years -- to 776,943. To put that in perspective, the U.S. population grew 6 percent in that period.
The biggest jumps in self-reporting by gay couples were largely in America's heartland: Take for example, Wisconsin, which surged 81 percent in the number of same-sex couples living together; Ohio 62 percent; and Michigan 48 percent.
While more gay folks may be settling down into committed relationships, the biggest factor driving the increases, Gates bets, is that more gay couples are comfortably out.
And the survey results suggest that anti-gay marriage drives are having a wonderful unintended consequence: They're emboldening more of us to stand up and be counted. Six of the eight states with an anti-gay marriage initiative on this year's ballot -- Arizona, Colorado, South Carolina, Tennessee, Virginia and Wisconsin -- saw rate jumps higher than the 30 percent national average.
"Do some people get afraid and go back into the closet? Sure," says Gates of the Williams Institute. "But that is offset substantially by people who get angry and say, 'Hey, you are talking about me!'"
Because the Family Growth survey found that 4.1 percent of adults identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual, Gates estimates that those of us who're gay Americans now number 8.8 million. (To find out more about a place's gay population, read Gates' study by Googling the Williams Institute.)
Meanwhile, a new New York Times poll underscores that as more gay people feel comfortable enough to come out, society grows more accepting -- and vice versa.
The Times asked whether "being homosexual is something people choose to be, or … something they cannot change?"
For the first time in the 13 years the Times has asked, the "cannot change" view rose above 50 percent: By 53-34 percent, Americans say being gay can't be changed, compared with 43-44 percent in 1993.
The Times also asked whether "you think homosexual relations between adults are morally wrong … OK … or don't you care much either way?" Those saying "morally wrong" is down to 37 percent from 55 percent in 1993. The combined "OK" and "don't care" has leaped to 61 percent from 42 percent 13 years ago.
Our nation is progressing toward a healthy understanding that being gay is like lefthandedness--not a choice, not wrong, just a reality for millions.
And Gates is working to see whether being in a coupled relationship is as positive for gays and as for married heterosexuals in terms of such things as lower rates of depression: "Preliminarily, we are finding that gay people get similar positive benefits."
So all of this just proves that if a closeted politician really wants to come out and proud, that he/she can do so. The more of us who are out, the more easily it is for us to win our hard fought rights to marry and live equally. Now, wouldn't that be a great day.
Friday, October 13, 2006
The current issue contains two gay themed articles.
The first one, while I never thought about it, talks about gay guys who get themselves into a corner, verbally more than anything else, and con the straight person into not thinking harshly of them, because they are gay. They are asking for sympathy, because they are gay. That is definitely a new one on me.
The second article is more compeling. Written by that "running with scissors" dude, Augusten Burroughs, he focuses on all the shit we as gay men take on the airwaves and in the media.
The new Martin Scorsese flick, The Departed, loves making references to fags and queers. So what else is new, in a macho movie. We get verbally assaulted each day by those who manipulate the airwaves. Now with the Foley shit, we are again referred to as depraved, immoral, dangerous, and as a whole, a threat both to children and to the sanctity of marriage.
But when something bad happens in the gay community, such as gay bashing, it seems that the media doesn't really care. They never seem to report the inequity of the current system. They feel, so what if the system prevents us from seeing our loved ones in hospitals; big deal for those who have adopted children live in fear that someone might take them away. Augusten makes a very valid point, ". . . if gay people were fully accepted and respected, then their (our) torture and murder would matter a great deal to people in the United States".
If we are liked at all, it's because some of us can tell great jokes and are witty. But face it, if we are perceived as "queeny" or shishy, we find ourselves not taken very seriously by straight society. So for the most part, we just have to take it, shut up, and go along with our lives.
I guess this is the state of gay life these days, a sobering reality. We shall see the fallout of the Foley scandals. If nothing else, a change in party politics might be of some long term benefit to our cause. Throwing out some of radical right wing politicians such as Santorum, might be to our advantage in the future. Let's hope that some small change results, and the hatred spewing jerks that run Washington might be replaced by a kinder, gentler politician.
I know we live in the here and now, but how about the prospect of a Gay Jewish President in the future? While I have not read, David Levithan's Wide Awake, it begins in the near future with the election of Abraham Stein, the first gay Jewish president. This is a surprising follow-up for an author whose debut, Boy Meets Boy, was heralded by Booklist as a "revolution in the publishing of gay-themed books for adolescents." That novel imagined a high school romance remarkably free of coming-out angst, and was selected by the American Library Association as one of 2004's Best Books for Young Adults.
Nextbook, a super site, recently interviewed David Levithan, and I have taken some of that review and posted it here.
"Wide Awake centers on another high school relationship, this one between Duncan and Jimmy, who've progressed well beyond their first kiss. It's also a novel about growing pains: teenagers struggling to refine, and stand by, their beliefs—personal, sexual, spiritual, and political—and a country trying to do the same. A few chapters in, Stein's supporters are still celebrating when opponents call the electoral results into question—a turn of events which creates doubts about Duncan and Jimmy's relationship, too. Soon they're both headed to Kansas, with a bus full of protesters, among them Elwood, a 12-year-old whose Christian parents won't let him have a bar mitzvah; Janna and Mandy, a pair of progressive "Jesus Freaks;" and a few adults old enough to remember that "the good old days needed a lot of improvement."
So maybe David is on to something. It sure would be nice to see a future President's husband giving his spouse in public big hairy muscle hugs of support and congratulations. Now that would be an ideal world. Definitely worth thinking about.
Friday, October 06, 2006
It has been quite a zainy week. To take the edge off of everything, here are some stories that might amuse you.
THE REALLY WEIRD
Our buddy, Dan Savage, answers a gay reader who is facing something I don't think we as gay men usually encounter.
Q. My background: I'm a gay man; I recently came out to my friends, mostly because I met someone with whom I wanted to pursue a relationship.
Eight months later, despite a few indiscretions on both our parts, I'm happy as can be. But I don't think we're in the same place emotionally. I need him well, actually I neeeeed him and he "needs his space."
Here's where the story gets on your nerves . . .
His prior "indiscretion" was with a German shepherd. I have no problems with his zoophilia per se, except that we have an almost nonexistent sex life. I wouldn't mind this aside from a few issues. First, he still masturbates. Second, he lied about it. Third, the very few times we have engaged in sex, he only receives, and it upsets me when he tries to maneuver us into a doggy-style position.
He is in therapy and it seems to be helping, but the more therapy he goes to, the less time he seems to want to spend with me. I love him and can't bear to think of us parting. I want to have sex with him, but I want to respect his boundaries. But how do I know when I've given him enough space, and how do I get him to want to spend more time with me? Am I right for giving him space? Or should I be more forceful in my pursuit? Not a German Shepherd
PS: Is his zoophilia relevant? I don't think it is, because I love him despite his attraction to canines. And I'm 24, while he is somewhere between 26 and 29. I don't really care about his age. The first time we exchanged ages he said 26, but his driver's license has a 1976 DOB on it.
A. Let's quickly review your case: The man you've fallen in love with likes to fuck dogs (or be fucked by dogs); doesn't much like being fucked by you (except in the doggy position); "needs his space" (in order to fuck dogs, no doubt); and lies to you about his masturbatory routine, age, and God only knows what else. The one thing he hasn't lied to you about is the dog fucking that little detail he's only too willing to share.
So yeah, NAGS, I'd say there's a problem here but you're the problem, not him.Look, NAGS, I feel for you; I've been there. Well, not there I've never been with a dog fucker, I'm happy to report. But I have allowed myself to fall hopelessly in love with guys who were completely fucked-up. And here's what I learned: Sometimes we fall in love with people who, for whatever reason, simply aren't healthy enough to love us back. When you realize that you're falling in love with a hopeless mess, NAGS, you don't hang in there, hoping that your love will cure him. It won't. Love is great, love is grand, but love ain't chemotherapy it's not going to magically turn some sick fucker into a healthy fucker.
For the sake of your own self-esteem, dump the dog fucker before he dumps you. Trust me, NAGS, you don't want to look in the mirror every morning and think to yourself, "There's the guy who wasn't good enough for a dog fucker."I think Dan's answer was right on target. But why did he let the relationship last this long? No guy can be that needy.
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The next post, The Not So Weird, comes from downunder. The Aussies just love their Priscilla, and now, a musical begets the movie. It's refreshing to read that gay roles are being filled by gay men.
N HIS SHOES by John Burfitt
In 1994, Guy Pearce slipped into a frock and pair of high heels for the movie The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, and in doing so, changed his career forever.
By doing the same thing for the same role in the new stage version, it looks likely that Daniel Scott is about to see his career change in very similar ways.
Having spent the past few years playing cameo and chorus roles on stage, slipping into the dual personas of bitchy scene queen Adam and his drag alter-ego Felicia Jolly-Goodfellow in Priscilla, Queen of the Desert has propelled Scott into leading man status – even if he is wearing high heels for most of the time.
Not that Scott seems to have any complaints. He has recently starred as Neil Tennant in Dusty – the Original Pop Diva and as Johnny O’Keefe in a revival of Shout!, but now he is sitting in his dressing room at the Lyric Theatre, chatting with the Star while waiting for a pair of pencil-heeled stiletto heels to arrive.
Scott admits, a little anxiously, that once the new pumps arrive, he has only a matter of days to master how to dance in them before the show makes its world premiere on Saturday.
But it seems the 29-year-old actor has a good eye and picked up tips from his years on Sydney’s gay scene as both a barman and a former party boy.
“It is quite ironic that of all the people who should get to play Felicia, it is me,” he says. “I have known a number of drag queens for years and they have helped me and inspired me along the way, but I always said drag has never really been my thing.
“I did drag a couple of times before, once for a charity event and for someone’s birthday, but that really was it. But I have always watched to see how they do it.
“When we started work on Priscilla, someone came in to show the cast how to walk in heels. I surprised myself as I found it really quite easy – it is all a matter of good balance.”
As Adam-Felicia in Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, Scott plays the fiery, bitchy one of the trio of gender benders crossing the country as they head to a gig in Alice Springs.
Scott sashays across the stage in a number of fancy frocks, fires out a succession of bitchy one-liners, and makes the best entrance in the show for his Mardi Gras-style production number of the Bananarama dance classic, Venus.
But Sydney-born Scott insists that his character is more than just high heels and stinging put-downs.
“I have taken little bits of all the Adams I have known from the past 15 years of my own life,” Scott says.
“Being a gay man myself, I remember coming out and going on my journey. All the people I have met who are like Adam are incredibly insecure, not sure who they are and trying to figure everything out.
“Adam is still figuring out his identity and persona, and we show him on that journey until he gets to a point of realisation and then he does make a change. He is very much at a point where he is saying, ‘You must accept me like this’.
“I think it is interesting that I don’t tuck at all in the show - it is all done with codpieces and skirts. And that is Adam – he is very much, ‘I am a boy in a wig and a dress and I am hot’!”
With a knock on his dressing room door, it seems the new high heels have finally arrived.
Before disappearing into the wardrobe department, Scott offers one final insight into his character, “He might do all the showgirl stuff, but you might still be at Manacle at 10 early on a Monday morning! I think we have all been a bit like Adam.”
Daniel should go far. He seems to be very comfortable playing this role. Hope we see more of him in the future, outside of drag.
* * *
Finally, The Winner Is . . . Mr. Gay UK 2006 was recently crowned. The hottie is a real cop. Go figure that.
Police officer crowned Mr. Gay U.K. (That's his winning photo above) He’s a bobby dazzler! A West Yorkshire policeman has been crowned Mr. Gay U.K. 2006. Mark Carter, 23, was voted Britain’s sexiest gay man at Blackpool’s Flamingo Club. About 50 of his colleagues were there to cheer him on—in T-shirts bearing his picture—and he had the full backing of West Yorkshire Police in taking part in the contest. As one of 23 regional finalists, he stripped down to a skimpy swimsuit to reveal his tanned, toned body to celebrity judges including Big Brother’s Lea, Su Pollard, Rowetta, and Anita Dobson. He also appeared in a police-style outfit including a stab-proof vest during a “dress to impress” section. “I am absolutely 100% over the moon," Carter said. "Two years ago I used to cry myself to sleep at night, I was so daunted by the prospect of coming out, but when I did, it was the best thing ever. I was so happy I could finally be myself. “I came from a very straight background and upbringing, I played football, I was a sports captain, I had girlfriends," Carter continued. "I thought telling people I was gay would mean no one would want to know me, but at the Mr. Gay U.K. final I had more people together, supporting me, in one place, than I’ve ever had in my life.” Carter’s colleague Maureen Hales, one of the party who came along in matching T-shirts bearing his photograph, said, “Mark is great. I knew he’d win, he’s so down-to-earth. He’s lovely.” Carter, who lives in Bradford, won £5,000 in prizes and will embark on a year of personal appearances and photo shoots. He was representing Birmingham in the contest after winning the city’s regional heat at the Nightingale club on a night out. Carter came out to his colleagues a couple of months after he joined the police force and says he’s had support from the people he works with. Mr. Gay U.K. is chosen via text votes and on-the-night voting, on the basis of looks, personality, and "x-factor." “Mark is a great example of a young gay man achieving his goals in life," said competition organizer Terry George, adding, "If anyone assumed it was just bimbos that entered competitions like this, Mark’s proving them wrong.” (Gay.com/U.K.)
He’s a bobby dazzler! A West Yorkshire policeman has been crowned Mr. Gay U.K. 2006. Mark Carter, 23, was voted Britain’s sexiest gay man at Blackpool’s Flamingo Club.
About 50 of his colleagues were there to cheer him on—in T-shirts bearing his picture—and he had the full backing of West Yorkshire Police in taking part in the contest.
As one of 23 regional finalists, he stripped down to a skimpy swimsuit to reveal his tanned, toned body to celebrity judges including Big Brother’s Lea, Su Pollard, Rowetta, and Anita Dobson. He also appeared in a police-style outfit including a stab-proof vest during a “dress to impress” section.
“I am absolutely 100% over the moon," Carter said. "Two years ago I used to cry myself to sleep at night, I was so daunted by the prospect of coming out, but when I did, it was the best thing ever. I was so happy I could finally be myself.
“I came from a very straight background and upbringing, I played football, I was a sports captain, I had girlfriends," Carter continued. "I thought telling people I was gay would mean no one would want to know me, but at the Mr. Gay U.K. final I had more people together, supporting me, in one place, than I’ve ever had in my life.”
Carter’s colleague Maureen Hales, one of the party who came along in matching T-shirts bearing his photograph, said, “Mark is great. I knew he’d win, he’s so down-to-earth. He’s lovely.”
Carter, who lives in Bradford, won £5,000 in prizes and will embark on a year of personal appearances and photo shoots. He was representing Birmingham in the contest after winning the city’s regional heat at the Nightingale club on a night out.
Carter came out to his colleagues a couple of months after he joined the police force and says he’s had support from the people he works with. Mr. Gay U.K. is chosen via text votes and on-the-night voting, on the basis of looks, personality, and "x-factor."
“Mark is a great example of a young gay man achieving his goals in life," said competition organizer Terry George, adding, "If anyone assumed it was just bimbos that entered competitions like this, Mark’s proving them wrong.” (Gay.com/U.K.)So a really nice guy can win it all. Congratulations Mark.
Friday, September 29, 2006
The following is an article from this week's Washington Blade.
10 percent of straight men report having gay sex
By JOSHUA LYNSEN Friday, September 29, 2006
Men who say they are straight might actually be gay, a new survey suggests.
The survey, conducted by the New York City Health Department and published this month, shows 61 percent of men who have sex with men identify themselves publicly as straight.
Medical experts said the findings show that labels like “straight” or “gay” are often inadequate or inaccurate.
“You cannot rely on self-identification to ascertain somebody’s sexual practices and who their partners are,” said Dr. Luke Johnsen, acting medical director of the Whitman-Walker Clinic in Washington, D.C.
Among the survey’s 2,898 sexually active participants, about 9 percent identified themselves in a way that was inconsistent with their sexual behavior.
“The results of the study, to me and other people who work with LGBT health, is not a surprise,” Johnsen said. “Self-identification is based on a lot more than just the gender of the person you have sex with.”
Experts said cultural, family and religious expectations all influence how people identify publicly.
Dr. Randy Pumphrey, a counselor who works with gay clients at the Lambda Center in Washington, noted the survey found discordance most frequently among African Americans and Latinos.
“It tells me that at some level, culture plays a part of this,” he said, “and that there may be cultural prerogatives that say to a person ‘I can only identify as heterosexual even though my behavior is homosexual.’”
Pumphrey said the study revealed fresh evidence of “the phenomenon of the down-low experience.”
The practice — in which men who identify as straight surreptitiously pursue gay sex — was found within the survey results. Among the 2,735 men who identified as straight, nearly 10 percent had sex with a man during the preceding year.
The survey’s lead author said these men were given the opportunity to identify as gay or bisexual, but insisted on being classified as straight.
“There’s probably some stigma at play,” said Dr. Preeti Pathela of the New York City Health Department. “It’s really a sensitive issue for many men.”
Johnsen said some men might have insisted on the straight identity because they genuinely don’t see their behaviors as homosexual. He noted that among some cultures, a man is only considered gay if he engages in receptive anal sex.
“For other people, there is internalized homophobia,” he said. “If I don’t say it, I am not.”
Pumphrey said the men might be working toward reconciling their heterosexual identity and homosexual behavior.
“When we think about a person coming out within the gay community, and moving from the place where they believe they were heterosexual to a place where they identify as gay, that journey involves many steps to reach self acceptance,” he said. “So there are places along the way where the person may be inconsistent with how they see themselves.”
But experts said that transitional period is a dangerous time, as those men are less likely to practice safe sex.
“When there is discordance between identity and behavior, people are less apt to stop and think, or take safe measures,” Pumphrey said, “because to do so would mean to acknowledge what the self is doing.”
The disconnect between identity and behavior has other medical repercussions.
Johnsen said gay men who insist on maintaining straight identities — and straight men that don’t tell a doctor about any homosexual experiences — might not receive the tests or treatments they need.
“It’s part of your health and well being,” he said. “It shouldn’t be stigmatized.”
Johnsen said men must be open and honest with their doctors. He also encouraged doctors to ask non-confrontational, open-ended questions.
He said rather than ask for a sexual identity, doctors should inquire whether the patient had been sexually active. Ensuing questions would separately pursue a patient’s sexual experiences with men and women.
Pumphrey said such questions are used routinely by providers serving gay clients, but are not yet standard practice for general providers.
The closet continues to exist. You'd think it was 1956 instead of 2006. Denying who you are, being deceitful, are traits of a guy who just can't accept himself.
This continues the theme of my last post. Not being truthful, hiding being gay, and probably not practicing safer sex, all these elements are a recipe for unhappiness and disappointment.
I am so happy that you guys are hot, sexy, and comfortable with who you are. These closeted guys just don't know what they are missing. I know it takes a lot of guts to step out of the closet, but the emotional consequences for staying in, far outweigh the happiness and relief you experience once you're free of the lie. For that, I am grateful.
Friday, September 22, 2006
Jim McGreevy, former NJ governor, has been making the talk show rounds promoting his book, Confessions.
In it, he tells how, quoting him, " The closet is a sick place. Every day, every hour, every minute, every interaction, I lied, I hid," McGreevey told Winfrey. "That's not where you find love, in the back of a booth. That's where you fulfill a physical need. But that's not being godly, that's not finding love."
A very demeaning outlook on life, according to him. He seems to have mistaken sex for love. So he was messed up. It seems that being gay makes you tortured.
It's not being gay that does it, it's how you handle it. Coming and cuming to terms with it is the only way to be happy. You accept the fact and move on with your life. Living as a gay man, with its benefits as well as its challenges, is what we are. Embracing it, finding how we fit in, and really, being there for each other if something does go wrong, that's the best way to live.
I don't buy his argument that gay sex was shameful. That's bull shit. We all know that man sex is the best sex. We are sexual, and we like sex. As long as straights continue to judge us, and we, somehow, feel that gay sex is dirty and isn't normal, then we will forever be burdened by their views and force ourselves into believing it. We guys know that gay sex is fucking better than hetero sex. It feels better, with all its passion and tension. WOOF.
Then there is Rupert Everett. His quote flooding the blogs and newswires is something worthy of self flogging. Rupert is quoted as saying, "Unfortunately, I am single, yes, but I'm too exhausted for anything else and being gay is a young man's game. Now no one wants me. Being gay and being a woman has one big thing in common, which is that we both become invisible after the age of 42. Who wants a gay 50- year-old? No one let me tell you. I could set myself on fire in a gay bar, and people would just light their cigarettes from me."
Blah, blah. What's up with Rupert? I guess he hates rejection from every twink he hits on. I used to like Rupert as an actor, but I am tired of such whining. He sounds like he is getting into character to play Quentin Crisp, the queen's queen, the Naked Civil Servant, sometime in the future. Gosh, if ever two guys were meant for each other, George Michael and Rupert would be a perfect match.
So Rupert, if you are reading this, just grow up. Pouting isn't becoming nor cute , especially for a grown, middleaged man. If you liked to get fucked, explore leather and get yourself a hunky master. Take a cue from McGreevy, be realistic, come to terms with being older, and leave the drama to the drama queens. You'd be doing both yourself and your fans a big favor.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
The talk all seems to be about “Ugly Betty” , a new show premiering Thursday, Sept. 28, 8 p.m. on ABC. This show features the "ugly"brains does not meet beauty, Betty Suarez (America Ferrera), as a girl unsure of herself, with braces, frizzy hair and an outdated wardrobe, who goes to work at Mode, a Vogue-like fashion magazine.
It seems that Betty is the only assistant in town that Mode's editor-in-chief won’t take to bed. While trying to prove herself, Betty must deal with all the other bitches at the magazine, including this TV seasons, "Devil",head fashion writer, Wilhelmina played by former Miss America, Vanessa Williams and her flaming gay associate, Marc played by Michael Urie, who is probably playing gay.
While this could be really "ugly" since the concept of the show is imported from a Colombian telenovela, "Betty La Fea" if not totally screwed up in the translation, the show could be another breakout hit or it could be the first big bomb of the new TV season.
Other shows that might be promising this year is "Smith". The show stars big screen star Ray Liotta better know for his ace role in Martin Scorsese's epic film, "Goodfellas", as a criminal mastermind in this drama "about a close-knit crew of criminals who plot and execute high-stakes robberies" (Borrowed from the CBS web site). The main character, Bobby, played byLiotta, while appearing to be a regular family man with a nine-to-five job, he's actually an expert thief who is seeking a few last big hits "so he can finally leave the business for a comfortable, lawful lifestyle with his wife, Hope (Virginia Madsen), and their two children". (Another quote from the CBS promo". She is not quite happy with Bobby, even though they never openly discuss Bobby's illegal pursuits. She will stand by her man, only to a point.
Virginia Madsen is the kind of actress that can mezmorize me just by reading a phone book.
This could be a real big breakout show or a disappointment. Catch it Tuesdays at 10 pm on CBS.
Likewise another hit could be The Nine. The show's premis focuses on what happens when nine people are forced into a traumatic situation? This compelling drama nine gives insight into how each of them interact during the immediate aftermath. Again, something of a "24" knockoff since the show takes the viewer along to watch what actually happened during the 52 hour hostage situation. Each week something is leaked out, adding another piece to the puzzle. Tyne Daly's little bro, Tim Daly, stars. This is on Wednesdays, ABC at 10 pm.
Heroes - what happens when a group of everyday people find out that they have special powers that might allow them to save the world? Sounds like a comic book premise or something ripped off from the Sci-Fi Channel. But on network TV, really nothing is original. Catch it on NBC, Mondays at 9 p.m.
Six Degrees - created by jj abrahms, the "Lost" guy, this show has an amazing cast (hope davis, campbell scott, jay hernandez) . These actors have made great indie movies and now are testing the waters on the small screen. Check it out on ABC, Thursdays at 10 p.m.
Well this is some of the good. How about the "bad". Well I think Ted Danson should just stay home and grow old. His latest sitcom, "Help Me, Help You" is a rip off of "Dear John", but according to some advance press, without the laughs. Also another sitcom that seems to be dead on arrival is Brad Garrett's piece of misery, "Til Death", a bad "Married with Children", but without the children. Brad loves to play the "sad sack", but even his frown can't help save this turkey.
Hope you find these recommendations useful. If only there were a 24 hour TV channel showing hot hunky hairy men giving each other big hairy muscle hugs and other pleasures. Now that would be TV worth watching.
Friday, September 15, 2006
This from this week's Washington Blade, written by Wayne Beesen.
THIS BATTLE OF the male brain is now playing itself out in gay society after paparazzi ambushed pop star George Michael coming out of the bushes following a supposed sexcapade with a pot-bellied peasant. [Was Michael acting differently than other gay men?] My comment.
Back in the 70's days, bathhouses were hugely popular and the gay bars had blackened out windows, creating a virtual cocktail-serving closet. Many of the patrons had to have sex away from home to keep the secret from an unsuspecting wife and kids.
Of course, there was a portion of men who did have options but who enjoyed unfettered promiscuity for the thrill.
With time, the ease with which people could come out, combined with the fear of contracting HIV, sharply curtailed the carnal carnival the gay subculture once represented.
The whole notion that gay men are more libidinous than straight men is a canard pushed by right wing fanatics in an effort to deny homosexuals basic rights. Indeed, one of the most guarded secrets of gay life is that a good portion of homosexuals are as undersexed as their straight counterparts.
Some of these lonely gay sorts keep long hours at the office and never took time to pursue partners. Others are shy and have great difficulty meeting people. Many men, gay and straight, simply have low sex drives and hardly desire gratuitous encounters.
From my observation, a surprisingly large portion of men find the notion of hooking up with strangers totally unappealing. It is not looks nor variety, but intimacy that is the greatest turn on.
FOR THE HYPER-AGGRESSIVE men who fancy uninhibited sexual exploration, it is easier being gay because you can always find another man looking for the same thing. But, instead of being blamed for a lack of self-control, most gay men should get a medal for restraint.
Heck, if straight men could have sex in public restrooms with women, would we ever again be able to use the facilities for legitimate purposes? If straight men could easily pick up women for sex in parks after midnight, would the grounds be so trodden that ants would become an endangered species?
Yeah, gay men have access to sex if they want it bad enough and are willing to take risks, like George Michael did, but the majority consistently chooses not to recklessly cruise.
George Michael may want his sex, but placing the blame on gay culture no longer reflects modern reality. Given a full range of choices, including marriage, gay life increasingly looks as diverse as mainstream culture with monogamously oriented men finally having the option to choose monogamy.
Being in a horny mindset myself this morning, I thought that I'd reintroduce this controversy.
Gay men exhibit more self control than most. Hell, we find ourselves in situations almost constantly where we can not act upon our impulses. True, our impulses may be sluty, but we control them, because it is the right thing to do. Again this all comes back to our lack of being able to openly express our love and lust in public like straights can, and they do like to flaunt it.
Monday, September 11, 2006
Politics aside, I hope that what these gay men and women did will be remembered foremost for the deed. We are all part of the human family, regardless of whom we love.
Friday, September 08, 2006
Luke Foster / firstname.lastname@example.org
You're dirtier than you think ... but, then again, so is everyone else
There’s never a pleasant reason why you have to go to the STD clinic, but there is always a good one. Maybe you had a one-nighter with a stranger, it burns when you pee, or your partner recently came up positive for a sexually transmitted infection. If something like that has ever happened to you, or there’s some doubt in your mind that you may have contracted a STD, you need to go and get tested. It’s not just about your own health, but the health of others and stopping the chain of infection.
Now the author knows it can be a daunting experience for anyone who’s never been tested before. Not only are you poked and prodded and subjected to semi-invasive physical examinations, but also once you step in the door, you’re directly confronted by your past. You start thinking about the users, losers and cruisers that are probably the reason you’re there in the first place. It’s a very emotional, stressful and potentially embarrassing situation, but one that’s completely unavoidable.
The author recently visited the clinic for the very first time and it really wasn’t as terrifying as he had initially thought. It was relatively pain-free, everything is completely confidential and no one should abstain from being tested simply out of fear. He made his appointment over the phone and went one day during his lunch break. Once he arrived, he checked in with the receptionist, filled out a short form with his personal contact information, then took a seat in the waiting room. Under the harsh, unflattering fluorescent lights, he began perusing through some pamphlets, every so often looking up from reading material to silently judge the other people who were waiting for their names to be called. He knew the purpose of his visit.
After all, he was just writing a story. He states, "I’m not dirty or anything. But I wondered what brought these other poor souls, who were twiddling their thumbs and refusing to make eye contact with me, to this place. I automatically assumed the scrawny, so obviously gay boy sitting to my right was just a slut and regular visits to the STD clinic were simply routine. "
His name was eventually called and he followed his inspector, a mature RN, down the hall into one of the exam rooms.
Once seated, the male nurse jumped right into the questions. “Is this your first time being tested?” Yes. “Do you have sex with men?” Yes. “Do you have sex with women?” Ew. “Is there anything in particular that’s brought you here?” He stammers, "I’m just writing a story. I’m not dirty or anything. "
Then his inquiries got more particular. How many partners have you had? Have you ever had unprotected sex? Have you ever been involved with someone who may be positive for HIV or AIDS? Terms like “insertive” and “receptive” were tossed around. Past sex acts were disclosed. Possible symptoms were discussed.
Our brave boy discovered that he might be a little bit dirtier than he initially thought. After the questions came the physical tests. Although he told him he had no apparent symptoms, because his last sexual encounter had been within the last six-month period, the RN gave him the works, because some STDs can be completely asymptomatic, meaning you can have something like gonorrhea in your throat and not know it. Or if you’re infected with HIV, it can take up to about six months for a blood test to come back positive.
First, his blood was taken. Then the took a swab of his throat. After that, heI was told to drop his pants and hop up onto the exam table. The RN took a look around down there for anything suspicious, and then came the worst part of an otherwise pain-free experience. The RNe swabbed our boy'ss urethra. Stuck it right up there. It was not a sensation that he or any of us appreciated or would ever like to feel again. It hurts, ( yes, it always does) but it was over in a second.
After the author pulled his pants back up, the RN handed me a cup for a urine sample he was to leave for testing on my way out. (I always love this part of the examination, pissing into a cold plastic cup, something of a cross between a personal condiment container from a fast food restaurant and a baby food jar.)
Before he left, though, he asked the nurse a couple of questions that had been on his mind and he was more than happy to answer them.
"Can you become infected with HIV if you get a blow-job from a guy who’s positive and has a tongue stud? “I’d say the risk is minimal.” Would you say that there could be a situation where it would be alright for two guys to have sex without condoms? “Not risk-free, if that’s what you mean. I’d say they could maybe think about it if both parties have been tested and are in a mutually monotonous relationship.” Don’t you mean monogamous? “That’s what I said.”
After peeing in the cup and leaving it at the sample station, his mission was accomplished. Results are normally ready in a week, and for some, a return trip to the clinic in necessary to obtain the results in person. He writes, "Again, I didn’t think I had anything to worry about. But I worried nonetheless. It was very strange how that very slim chance that I had contracted something monopolized my thoughts for a week. I can’t even imagine how stressful it would be for someone who actually had a disconcerting sexual or drug-related experience."
Lucky for him, his results came back negative for everything. No chlamydia, gonorrhea, hepatitis A and B, syphilis, or HIV.
He writes, "I felt relieved and responsible, like the adult I never thought I’d have to be.
The physical consequences associated with having sex are usually not the most scarring ones, but they need to be taken care of nonetheless.
It's always better to know and be responsible, than not to know and be irresponsible.
Guys who knowingly spread HIV and the rest of the diseases mentioned about, should be arrested as criminals. They don't deserve to play on our playground. So guys, always protect yourself, and you too, will have that great weight taken off your shoulder next time you face the STD exam. And yes, cumming clean gets a great big suck face kiss from yours truly.
Friday, September 01, 2006
I know that all of you guys work hard for a living. Some of you enjoy your work alot, while others, would prefer doing something else.
Whatever the case, this Labor Day is a time to give yourself your due. Have a blast, enjoy the fellowship and brotherhood of another hard working man's stiff cock, lay back, and take a load off.
For whatever you do, this hug is for you, guys. Have a great Labor Day weekend.
Friday, August 25, 2006
I am still saddened by his death. He was a wonderful gay man who took time to write and post to so many of our blogs. His insight was remarkable, for such a young guy.
This past week, I finally finished reading "Full Circle" by Michael Thomas Ford. I don't know if Marc had read the novel, but in some ways, certain passages of the book were written with Marc in mind.
The main character, Ned, goes through his first 56 years of life, 1950-2006, trying to be just an average guy, but who wants to make a difference, and he does. He's no saint, this guy gets fucked bareback to become pos he feels shitty about himself. Luckily for him, he doesn't get his wish.
Ned has two friends, Andy and Jack. Andy plays an important part in Ned's adult life, meeting up with him at Penn State and they enlist in the Army together, in late 1969 to fight in Vietnam. Jack is Andy's next door neighbor from childhood, the lucky Jack who uses Ned as a comfortable pillow through childhood up to Penn State, where fearing he would flunk out of school and get drafted, enrolls in seminary school until he gets fucked by his professor and is forced to quit.
What comes to mind reading this is gay men are human, perhaps more human than the general population. We may be drama queens at times, but life sometimes just doesn't give us a fair break. Marc suffered from ailments that should not have happened to such a young guy, and unfortunately, he was very unlucky in the health department. He was dealt a bad hand, health wise, and for a long time, made the most of it, and even seemed to lick it.
He gave us hints about his state of health, but for the most part, he never wanted pity or wanted to burden us. He gave and shared, both from his mind and from his heart, everytime he communicated with us through blogging.
Quoting from the book, the passages dealing with love and understanding. " There will always be friendship and love, and between the two of them, there are mysteries to last a life time." We go on trying to figuring them out, but only get a tiny bit closer to the discovery. Something like Pluto, until some body of scientists proclaims that we aren't what we thought we were.
The ending passage of "Full Circle" continues, "Like God and death, the question of what drives the heart may be one we never fully understand.. . "And although some will doubtless be disappointed when no clear answer arises to give them comfort, those who look carefully will find that in the search, in the questioning and wondering and raging, there is beauty beyond reckoning."
I feel that our love and rememberance of Mar is something beautiful. He brightened our minds and our souls. He is still with us, beaming his charm and knowledge in that eternal cyberspace. We love you, Marc. We'll meet again and embrace in big warm hairy muscle hugs of celebration and joy. Until then, your spirit lives on in our blogs.
Friday, August 18, 2006
Aucklands iconic K Road gay club, G.A.Y. is old hat and will be re-branded as Supermarket, says Miss Ribena, entertainment coordinator for the adjacent Family Bar.
In part, the change is to distinguish the club from Family Bar upstairs, which is hands in the air camp, loud, cheesy, with drag shows and karaoke, says Ribena, and partly to ditch the old hat stereotypical G.A.Y. logo, which has been a gay club in London for, like 100 years.
Some people refuse to go to G.A.Y. because of its name, says Ribena, and the music is often the same downstairs as it is upstairs [in Family].
Supermarket will attract the shirts-off Les Mills muscle boy set, wholike to look at themselves in the mirror, she adds.
The change will come into effect this coming Saturday.
© 2006 Copyright GayNZ.com
I guess all muscle boys, the world over, love to look at themselves. Such is gay life.
Now for me, enjoying life is getting my mouth to savor the juices of a firm, ripe, tomato.
Friday, August 11, 2006
The following are excerpts from an article found in this weeks Washington Blade.
Joe Kort is a gay social worker and therapist who wrote “Ten Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real Love.” Michael Alvear, writes the gay male sex advice column “Need Wood? I have on occasion, not agreed with our "Woody" concerning some of his views.
“After five years together, most gay couples have open relationships,” Kort says. “I think it serves two functions. Number one, it helps gay men find partners. It’s how they look for partners and I also think it keeps relationships together so that these gay male couples who are non-monogamous and cruise, they have emotional fidelity, but they have sexual openness.
“The other reason that it works is that every couple has a sexual desire discrepancy. In gay couples, the one that wants it more can go get it. It relieves the pressure in their relationship in that area. It’s the truth and I can’t hide from it. But I do believe this — you open your relationship up for more problems when you’re not monogamous.”
Michael Alvear, however, says that his observations have led him to conclude that younger gay men are pursuing monogamous relationships.
“I can almost tell you with 90 percent accuracy that whenever I get a letter from somebody who is longing for monogamy or is upset at seeing couples who have open relationships, it’s inevitably somebody younger, someone in their 20s,” Alvear says. “It’s a sort of retro gay, a turn to traditional values and relationships in guys in their 20s.”
Joe Kort says that sex in public can be problematic.
“It’s rude because you’re using a public space for something it wasn’t designed for,” Michael Alvear says. “How would George Michael like it if people starting having sex in the middle of one of his concerts and started driving away people who came in for what that stage was designed for, a concert? How would people at the baths feel if IBM conducted a business meeting in the middle of the place? There’s a time and place for everything.”
Other expert on the subject, Rob Weiss declines to give his opinion on public sex, but points out that its illegality means participants must accept personal responsibility if they are caught.
Rob Weiss, a gay social worker and therapist, says he considers anonymous sex to be more an issue of gender than sexual orientation.
“Certainly, cruising and anonymous sex is endemic to gay culture,” Weiss says. “There’s no question about that, but I don’t think gay men’s pursuit of sex is any different from straight men’s pursuit of sex.”
“It’s not up to me whether to say the laws are right or wrong, but they are,” Weiss says. “So to put yourself in the situation of getting arrested and then turn around and say ‘I’m harassed,’ I have trouble with that.”
Weiss, who wrote “Cruise Control: Understanding Gay Men and Sex Addiction,” says cruising turns problematic when it becomes compulsive.
“When recreational behavior can be identified as an addiction is when it’s having serious consequences to the life of the person that’s doing it,” Weiss says.
The consequences can include betrayal of a relationship, loss of career or job, acquisition of disease, violation of personal belief or value or some form of public humiliation, such as an arrest.
“The people I see in my experience are people who have consequences because of their behavior and can’t seem to stop,” says Weiss, who has been treating people with sex addictions for 12 years. “These guys are acting out sexually … because of the arousal that goes on. Not genital arousal, but the endorphins, out of the chase, the possibilities. It’s not so much about the sex or the orgasm.”Weiss and Kort say they lack statistics on the matter, but suspect that a majority of gay men have experienced sexual addiction. Weiss says that his treatment clinic, the Sexual Recovery Institute in Los Angeles, sees about an average of 150 men a week.
First of all, I am really glad to read that younger gay men are seeking monogamous gay relationships at least, initially.
What I find hard to believe that there exists this vast sea of gay couples constantly screwing around outside their relationships. How emotionally draining can this be? What about faithfulness and love, both sexually and emotional? You can't always have your cake and eat it too without being a really fat pig. And on top of all of this, we want to be able to marry so we can emulate unfaithful straight couples. If this is the widespread opinion of the gay male community, then maybe gay marriage isn't worth the struggle.
On a lighter note, the photo spread above is a belated celebration of National Underwear Day. How I'd like to pat each and every one of your cute butts in celebration. Enjoy.
Friday, August 04, 2006
Old Andy this past week, just can't seem to get his rocks off enough. He has entered a very lively debate raging on over cable and blog world about gay male promiscuity. He contends that gay men are inherently more promiscuous than straight people.
He basis his theory on the fact they, like Bill Clinton (oh, it always has to be political with our buddy, Andy) gay men are full of testosterone, and, like Bill Clinton, they can get sex when they want it. Sounds like we can just turn on the charm and the spigot, and instantly, we are romping with any guy we want. I wish.
Andy goes on to dig his hole deeper, or should I say, plow his fellow gay men's hole deeper, by suggesting that "gay men get it [sex] because their emotional and sexual universe is all-male and so twice as testosterone-laden as the straight male sexual universe.
Because we have bathhouses, public sex, backrooms and such, we have the resources to get laid 24/7. I guess the piers of New York are teaming this weekend with guys fucking each others brains out. Just because Andy Sullivan says so.
So are we all as promiscous as Andy tends to believe we are? Love to have you guys post your comments. I'm going to now take a very cold shower. Anyone want to join me? Big hairy muscle hugs.
Friday, July 28, 2006
First this from over the pond:
Michael: 'I'm Not Afraid Of Gay Cruising'(Soundbuzz, Thursday July 27, 12:00 PM)
George Michael is not ashamed of being spotted prowling a notorious homosexual pick-up spot in London last week, insisting he's still a role model for young gays.
The singer was exposed by a British newspaper last Sunday cavorting in the shadows on Hampstead Heath with 58-year-old Norman Kirtland, before he fled from reporters and photographers. But the former Wham! heart-throb refuses to apologise for his actions, stressing he's done nothing wrong by cruising. He says, "I should be able to be what I am to young gay people - which is a man who has managed to succeed in the industry for 25 years. Sorry if people don't like the fact I cruise on Hampstead Heath but the police absolutely accept that it goes on at night. It's the only place in London where that is the case so it's generally a safe place." (wenn)
What shocks me about this is that George prefers older guys, supposedly. I took him for a twink admirer.
Then there was the Lance Bass admission that "surprise", he's gay.
The last time I saw Lance was on Game Show Marathon, and even for Lance, he was acting strange, showing his homeboy contingent of guys with "College" tshirts in his rooting section.
Anyway, if this was some kind of symbolism, then Lance was taking protracted steps in the process. I just wish he would have kissed Reichen after one of his wins, and that would have settled that.
I didn't notice Reichen there, but with his shirt on, he blends in with the crowd.
Anyway, I, for one, am giving the happy couple big hairy muscle hugs of congratulations. Hoping they stay together. Remember this isn't the first relationship/marriage for Reichen. He was "married" to Chip, his partner on Amazing Race, but dumped him shortly after they won and splitted the $1 million prize money.
I hope you guys are finding ways to cool off. I am still chilling with my favorite sno-cone flavor.
There is just something about blue raspberry ice as it dribbles down a furry guys chest. WOOF.
Friday, July 21, 2006
A Tongue,Some shaved ice and Plenty of Blue Raspberry Syrup makes for some Good Old Fashioned Summertime Fun
It is hot, sweaty, and sticky out there. But I have a recipe for cooling down and having some fun, all at the same time.
Get yourself a manual ice crusher/sno-cone maker at Kmart or Target. Stock the freezer with plenty of ice. Also stock up on your favorite sno-cone syrups.
I enjoy cranking and hearing the ice crackle and grind as I crush it. It's fun when some pieces of ice somehow escape from the container as I am turning the crank.
Have some guys over for this. Have them strip down to their jocks and gather them around the kitchen table or island. Thats when the fun begins.
Have enough paper cones for everyone. Extra cones can make great cock top caps.
Then accidently as you are making one of the cones, let some shaved chips spill onto one of the guys chests. That's when the tongue plays an important part of the process.
While the other guys get what's going on, have bottles of the syrup readily available for splashing over the individual cups filled with shaved ice. Before you know it, everyone is exploring their tongues on the mounds of shaved ice somehow finding its way on the fuzzy chests and pecs of your guests. Whatever happens next, please don't hold me responsible for. But whatever happens, you've been forewarned.
If any of you have any other fun ideas for keeping cool, please share. In the meantime, big hot hairy muscle hugs to each and every one of you. I enjoy sharing my passions and kinks with you. You being there means a whole lot to me.
P.S. The patio tomato plants that I grew from seeds are producing a lot of tomatoes now. They haven't ripened yet, but with these sunny, hot days, that won't take long. Soon they will be ripe for having some fun with.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Sorry to not have posted for a while. Just been busy at my Mom's as well as getting sweaty on a backyard project. Also order John Weir's new book and about finished reading Andrew Holleran's book, Grief. Will write about them in the near future. Big hairy muscle hugs, guys. I miss you a lot.
Hope these guys got noticed. WOOF
Friday, June 23, 2006
by Edmund WhiteJune 20th, 2006 12:06 PM
At the beginning of the 20th century Rodin said that Americans had just lived through a renaissance and no one in America knew it (he was referring to the advent of painters such as Whistler, Mary Cassatt, Winslow Homer, Thomas Eakins, and Sargent). Something similar could be said about gay fiction right now, which is totally neglected and almost never reviewed by the mainstream press but which has never been more vital. In fact it could be said that gay novels and short stories are among the best being written anywhere now.
Of course there are a few exceptions to the general blackout—the worldwide success of Michael Cunningham's The Hours and the Booker prize–winning novel by Alan Hollinghurst, The Line of Beauty. The action of both of these books, to be sure, takes place outside the gay ghetto and includes many important straight characters; both books belong to what is called "post-gay fiction," a subgenre that David Leavitt may have invented in his first collection of stories, Family Dancing.
The vogue for gay fiction has long since passed after a brief flurry of visibility and celebrity in the late 1970s and early '80s. The market did not respond. Whereas the literature of other minorities (Asian American, African American, Latin American) presents the straight reader with interesting variations on his or her own life by taking up the themes of parenthood, marriage, divorce, adultery, and the intergenerational conflict, the literature of the gay ghetto seems at times utterly alien.
With the collapse of the gay market—and the closing down of gay literary magazines such as Christopher Street and nearly a hundred gay-themed bookstores across the country—gay fiction became invisible, often to the gay community itself. Gay studies as a subject was drying up in the universities (not that gay scholars had ever devoted much energy to contemporary gay creativity). Even the way gay novels are shelved at a bookstore, in a quarantined section labeled "Gay and Lesbian," places a wall around these books that few straight women readers—much less straight men—would have the guts to breach.
Case closed. Except for the inconvenient fact that in the last five or six years gay writers have been turning out some of the most exciting fiction being written today, though it is sold in the small numbers more typical of poetry collections. This spring has seen the publication of an extraordinary novel, John Weir's What I Did Wrong. Weir has written only one other book, The Irreversible Decline of Eddie Socket, which was highly acclaimed in 1989 as a stellar first novel. His new book tells the story of Tom, a middle-aged teacher at a university in Queens, who has lost his lover—a foul-mouthed, impossible, endearing novelist—to AIDS. Tom feeds all his need for love into his charged relationships with his best friend from high school, a drifting straight guy, and with one of his students, an oppressed, apologetic, disenfranchised kid who plays in a rock band and worships Sharon Olds's poetry. This is among other things one of the best books about how ordinary folks live in New York now. His students work at restaurant jobs in Manhasset and blow their salaries at a casino in A.C. They're almost all heterosexuals and Tom studies them as if they were members of another species. "They're outsiders, not pariahs. Their irony is different from mine. The defining crisis for them is their disbelief in other people, while mine is disbelief in myself. Straight guys are conspiracy theorists, wrecked by the knowledge that they can't control the world. Yet I learned early on that I can't control, well, me. I yearn for guys. I am what I want. Straight people aren't asked to justify their yearning. They don't have to boil themselves down to an impulse or an act. Unlike me, they think, 'I am because I want.' "
There are also several recent novels and collections of short stories by younger men that prove the efforts of gay writers to reach out to the world at large. Patrick Ryan's Send Me is about a modest family in the 1970s living near Cape Canaveral in Florida; two of the sons are gay, the older one closeted and the younger one weirdly free of the constraints of the period. This book is full of careful social observation in the manner of Cheever; one of Ryan's stories has been selected for The Best Short Stories of 2005. Actually it's a bit unfair to label it a gay book since so many of the stories are about eccentric if thoroughly heterosexual characters. The first and last chapters in his book, however, are devoted to the younger brother's struggle with AIDS, a theme that lends great depth to a tale of quirky family life. In much of good gay fiction today AIDS plays a role. In Keith McDermott's first novel, Acqua Calda, an older actor with AIDS ventures to Sicily, where he is to participate in an avant-garde theatrical event. During his sojourn he becomes extremely ill but the show must go on and his decision to play his role despite backstage envy and condescension lend him a quiet heroism.
Vestal McIntyre's stories in You Are Not the One are edgy urban tales about young gay men interacting with their straight colleagues at the office or with friends. In one story a young woman decides she needs a gay man in her life (a Will to her Grace, perhaps), but she chooses one who is slippery and ultimately not too friendly. Mack Friedman's Setting the Lawn on Fire is again linked stories that take a young man through a horny, repressed boyhood, up to a summer of canning fish in Alaska and onto a seriocomic career as a hustler. Such a summary does no justice to the elegance and originality of the writing.
Barry McCrea, a young Irish-born Yale professor, has written a rapturous ode to Dublin in his first novel, The First Verse. A gay student at Trinity is manipulated by a strange cult of heterosexuals who use their erotic power over him to induct him into rites and practices of a satanic intensity. More traditional pleasure is provided by Robert J. Hughes's closely woven first novel, Late and Soon, about the art auction business in New York today. It is told from the point of view of a woman whose husband has left her for another man. Now, years later, she becomes friendly with her erstwhile rival, who has in turn been abandoned for a hotter, younger fireman. There are Jamesian delights in the beautiful language and ironies and nuanced psychological observations that Hughes has devised.
I think there is a real phenomenon here, the arrival of a whole new generation of gay writers who've come along to fill the shoes of their predecessors who died too young in the 1980s and '90s. These newcomers are unknown even to most gay men, who are too busy going to the gym and cruising on the Net to read. Whereas being cultured was once the entrance fee for being gay, now the gay community has dumbed down like the rest of the population. But just as the underappreciated American poetry scene is the most vigorous in the world and includes a dozen major figures, everyone from C.K. Williams to John Ashbery, from Louise Glück to Yusef Komunyakaa, in the same way the current gay literary moment is quietly, almost invisibly adding brilliant new names to a canon that is unknown except to the happy few.
Edmund White teaches writing at Princeton and is the author of nearly 20 books, including the recent autobiography My Lives.
Maybe Edmund White is correct in saying that the gay male reader has been dummied down, just like the rest of the reading public to accept fluff. I hope that isn't the case.
I just purchased two gay books that I am beginning to read, The Good Neighbor by Jay Quinn
and Grief by Andrew Holleran. Will let you know my thoughts as I plow through these books.