Curious minds want to know: "Is he or isn't he @#$%?

Is he or isn't he my type? How many times have you that? What's this anyway about type?
I can find a least one good attribute about any guy. So do you have to have this so called, ideal package? Fuck no.
Guys, keep it simple. After all, everyone else is judging you by type as well.

Is he or isn't he good in bed? Well, the proof is in the pudding, as they say. Some guys like their facial hair full of creamy cum. That can't always be the case. So you'll have to lure him into your bed, and find out. If he is a "dripper", then you better get prepared with a large box of tissues by the bed.

Is he or isn't he endowed like a flagpole? If that's what you're looking for, your throat better be as long as the Holland Tunnel. Can you take all of that man meat shoved down your throat? Sometimes, more isn't always better.

Is he or isn't he a size queen? Now the shoe, so to speak, is on the other foot. Maybe your shlong isn't long enough for him. He loves dildos, the bigger the better. Better learn how to fist fuck.

Is he or isn't he interested in you? Guys can be cruised anywhere. My favorite is the subway. You got to be discrete, but showing interested. If you work out and have great pecs, just flex them. Be sure that you are wearing a lycra undershirt and start flexing. Flexing your pecs will signal your interest. If he begins staring at you, make the next move to reel him in.

Is he or isn't he compatible? Hard question to answer. Kind of the age old question for gay men. This subject is enough for a separate blog. I've written before that you got to seek common ground and build from there. There is no thing as instant compatibility. If you are the paranoid kind, you will find soon enough differences between you. If you are the perfectionist, then no man is good enough for you. Pity you.

Is he or isn't he the real thing? This also is a subject for a future blog. Honesty is the cornerstone of any relationship.
Keeping secrets, concealing extra baggage, won't win his heart. More about this another time.

What were they thinking: The Fall 2004 International Male Catalog

The annual Mr. S catalog, it's NOT. But to many gay men, it's there first introduction to beefcake and the gay world. It may be subplanted now by the Abercrombie and Fitch catalog among gay men, but I do know that it continues to be the tie that binds gay men generationally.

The catalog never lets me down. There is always something extremely ugly in the catalog. Were the buyers and designers smoking bad pot when they came up with this shirt or that trenchcoat? This year is no exception.

The hands down winner is the Tirerena Silk shirt on page 5. A cardinal rule to remember: If it even looks ugly on the hottest model in the catalog, don't buy it.

Another faux pas is found on page 17. They say, whoever "they" are, that you can mix plaid with stripes. But burnt orange plaid with orange bold stripe pants legs would be something even Stevie Wonder wouldn't be caught dead wearing.

Not to say that everything is gaudy. The Undergear collection in the middle of the catalog is always hot to look at. If anyone is thinking of something to buy for this Daddy, the Undergear tank in Medium on page 35 would bring him a smile.

So guys, don't spend your hard earned money on something that you will eventually throw away. Picture yourself in the garment before purchasing. And don't always listen to Carson, the fashion queen on "Queer Eye". Trouser pleats are slimming.

Michael Shackelford, a cool young gay guy struggling to make sense of all of us

If you have been reading Michael Shackelford's account in the Washington Post which began on Sunday, September, 26, 2004, you've gotten a soft place in your heart for him. Daddies are like that.

Michael's experience in coming out at such a young age is very courageous. I feel that he will have an introduction to gay life a little more accomodating, but still very frightening. So far, he has fared well.

Michael may someday become a very good Young Daddy. He is still evolving, but I feel that he will find his role ten or fifteen years from now being the dominant in a future relationship. Gay life has so much ahead in store for him. You want to be his fairy god father but you know you can't. There will be older guys who will take advantage of him. But that experience will make him stronger. The first part and the hardest part is dealing with being gay. Once over that hump, it becomes a daily learning lesson, trying to separate the sex from the gayness.

Some guys never can make the separation. Others do and learn to adjust. Michael will mature as he grows older and wiser. Now, it is all so new to him. But it was all so new for each one of us, however older. Those of us who knew and acted on it in our twenties came out pretty well adjusted, considering. Guys are coming out by the hour as I write this entry. It is a difficult course of action to persue. It is lonely at first. But the loneliness, the coming to terms, makes you a stronger man. You adjust and assume roles which both make you happy and make your partner happier. If nothing else, as I have mentioned repeated in these blogs, it is not "about me", but "about "we".

Michael gets to pick and chose, though restricted in his choices, for the time being. He is living at home, and being openly gay in those conditions, can be difficult. But Michael is coping and maybe struggling. He will have to make decisions, some unpleasant, but these decisions will mold him into the gay man he will become.

I wish Michael well. He's a cute guy who will become the gay poster boy de jour. I only wish that he won't be taken advantage of by older guys, guys who should know better. Don't crap on Michael and don't hurt him. It's tough enough going through what he is facing. We, as gay men, don't need to complicate matters more.

Looking back, we hated that pawing guy who won't take no for an answer. That made us very uncomfortable. It felt dirty, it hurt. So let Michael find his happiness and maybe his role later in life as a top daddy. I am sure whatever role he chooses, he will be make some guy, some day, very happy.

Rants n' Raves

Thoughts I have at the moment. Enjoy at your disgression.

RANT: Seeing a hot Harley biker riding his HOG dressed in leather jacket and jeans, but wearing sneakers. AGGGH. Harley's should only be ridden with Dahners or other boots, never shoes.

RAVE: A hot male butt in tight leather jeans. Seeing a guy dressed like that always brings a smile to Daddy's face.

RANT: Too many nitwits riding cars and talking on cell phones. This isn't so bad with bikers since they tend to yak on their phones once they stopped. But to drivers in their cars, "hang up and drive".

RAVE: Common courtesy both in and out of the bar. Guys who respect the traditions of leather men follow a universal code of tolerance and respect. Sure wish everyone subscribed to these fundamentals.

Have a great day. Let me know your rants and raves.

My Halloween Costume

Say what!!! Daddy doesn't wear a costume, he wears a uniform or a jock or breeches or Dahners. That's not a costume, it's his personna, his image, his life.

If Daddy were to wear a costume for Halloween, what would he wear? I always have my fallback, the executioner.

It is a really cool costume. Leather hood modified as a full face mask with eye holes, gauntlet, spiked jock, a leather spike armband and really tall Dahners. You certainly get notice on Halloween at the bars and after hour clubs. Somehow, guys want to know who is behind the mask. The mask allows you the freedom to have some fun. Your anonymity makes you even more erotic, more inviting. The executioner is a hot image to become on Halloween. It can scare some guys shitless. It gives you instant attention and your grunts and groans gives the appearance of the strong, silent type.

So Daddies, throw more edge into your costume on Halloween. And make some special naughty boy experience your torture chamber later. He'll be glad he did.

Apprentice Boy: Meet the Slaves

In the previous entry, you read the concept of the Apprentice Boy competition. Two legions, now identified as Team Shackle and Team Gauntlet will be each developing a business plan which Daddy must decide to pursue. The competing businesses are Boy OnCall and Romper Dungle.

The two legions, each with 10 slaves have been chosen. Here are the boys:

Team Shackle pitching the "Boy OnCall"

Pierce- a 22 year old college grad, blond, bb, 5'11", 170 #
Chad- a 21 year old bartender, brown, green, 5'6", 140#
Derrick- a26 yo admin assist, drk blond, brwn, 5'8", 155#
Tad-a 24 yo retail clerk, brown,bb, 5'9", 160#
Eric-a27 yo analyst, chestnut brn, brwn, 5'10",165#
Bryan a 29 yo construction worker, blond, bb, 6'0", 185#
Roger, a 24 yo tradesman, drk brwn, brwn, 5'11", 175#
Rick, a 22yo sales rep, blond, bb, 6'1", 190 #
Zack, a 23 yo trucker, brwn, brwn 5'7", 160#
Greg, a 25 yo delivery man, blond, bb, 5'9", 162#

Team Gauntlet pitching the "Romper Dungle"

Quinn, a 27yo engineer, drk brown, green, 5'11", 178#
Doug, a 21 yo college student, blond, bb, 5'5", 145#
Eddy, a 28 yo personal trainer, brown, bb, 5'10", 170#
Shawn, a 29 yo stock broker, drk brown, brown, 5'11" 180#
Paul, a 26 yo hotel asst mgr, brown, green, 5'10" 175 #
Hank, a 25 yo electrician, drk brown, brown, 5'9", 160#
Jaimie, a 21 yo lockerroom attendant, blond, bb, 5'8", 155#
Chris, a 22 yo sales rep, brown, green, 5'10", 170#
Dean, a 28 yo architect, drk brown, blue, 5'9" 160#
Ian, a 23 yo analyst, blond, blue, 5'11", 170#

There are the slaves. WOOOOF. These guys are determined to eliimately please Daddy with their winning presentation. But how well do they work together? Will there be boy bonding? Stay tuned. Daddy is watching.

Cruise Control:Daddy Scan:The new TV season

So you got that dick size remote next to you. What's hot to watch this new season.

Well Manhunt is one hot show to watch on Bravo. 16 guys compete for the coveted male model prize. Other information about the contestants is sketchy at this time. However, check out http://www.bravotv.com/manhunt for further updates. I'll keep you posted on the series with weekly updates when it begins in early October.

Rescue Me on FX, meanwhile has two hot male firefighters which are pleasing eye candy to the viewer. It has also dealt with gay issues in its own gritty fowl mouthed way. The Daddy viewer may want to show these guys who really is the hero and who is a butt ass, but it is pleasurable viewing as long as you watch it with the right frame of mind.

Of course, there is another Survivor installment, this time out, SurvivorVanatu, Islands of Fire. Nine guys are part of the 18 contestants. Again, initially, they are separated into two groups with the guys competing against the women. There are some hotties, like the FBI agent, Brady Finta and John Kenny. Who is gay is anybodies guess. There is ample opportunities for bare chest shots, so this should keep Daddy interested between playtimes.

The new hottie on the WB this season is Oliver Hudson, starring in The Mountain. Whether the plot develops into anything, twentysomethings running the families' ski lodge, is another matter. But hopefully there will be some hot tub scenes with Hudson that will amuse Daddy.

Of course, there are the usual run of reality shows. The two boxing shows, one, The Contender, is already on the air. If Daddy likes to see two brawny guys duking it out, then these may provide him with some pleasurable moments.

If all else fails, there is always time to dig out the stash of dungeon DVD's to put a smile on Daddy's face.

His place or yours

Continuing where we left off, you are both at your respective cars. You are saying "Good night" but don't really mean it.
So it's the age old question that comes next, "Do you want to go to my place?"

This leads to certain realities. If he is shy about asking or directly volunteers that he wants to go to your place, be suspect.
Before you answer, "Ok", you might want to turn the tables. Just as an off the cuff remark, ask, 'Do you have a roommate or something?" If he volunteers quickly that he does or gives some other plausible answer, than believe him. You will catch him in a lie soon enough.

If he offers his place, say, "That's great" but you're coming to my place for breakfast". That's great if you both kind of live in commuting distance. Maybe he is from out of town and offers his hotel room. That probably would be the best place to hang your hats for the night. If all goes right, then do offer to pay for breakfast in the morning.

So say, he invites you back to his room. Since you are driving separately, he leads and you follow. You still don't know this guy very well, so do be cautious. Don't bring a wallet full of plastic or cash with you. You should never do this when you are bar hopping anyway. Carry your ID and just enough cash to get you through the night and for any emergencies or unexpected moments, like this.

Once he opens the door and lets you in, there are many scenerios. You may start tearing off each others clothes. Or one of you got to take that long piss that you've been holding for a while. He might suggest a quick shower. Now that can be the right way to start things off. Again before anything gets too heavy, discuss your HIV status. Always play safe and make sure, you as the top guy, whether he is a mutual top or not, has a condom ready for any serious action that takes place. You may both be using the showering, the lathering up for hot foreplay with more serious stuff to cum after. Anyway, a clean body does compliment a dirty mind.

You guys may skip that and go straight to the bed. That's fine too. Remember you got some quality time ahead of you, so you can take it slow or just cut to the chase. Anyway, this is the true test. Again make known your HIV status and take it from there.

The room may be getting too hot by now. Always ask if your partner wants a time out. Get him some liquids to replenish his body fluids, especially if you just sucked him dry. The next stages of sex will be all yours. So read his gestures carefully. Don't attempt methods that he isn't accustomed with. If he throws up his legs, then it is doggie style. He may like it from behind. Again how you fuck him determines if you cum out a winner at the end.

So the sex was safe and fantastic. You both fall into each other's arms and sleep peacefully.

Sure I left out other stuff that might happen. Drugs, torture, whatever. Those scenes are decided mutually before sex begins.
Don't get so involved that this occurs during sex. If you don't do drugs, tell him that. That will determine if this becomes a short night or a pleasurably long evening.

The stone is now cast. Was it everything you hoped for? Will it become another one night stand? How this plays out is a toss up. It can go either way. Only fate or a little help from the gay fairy godfather will determine the outcome.

The Pick Up

So you met his stare. It seems like an eternity. He smiles back at you. Now what. Who makes the first move?

First scenerio. You begin walking over in his direction. The bar is very crowded now. So it takes some time. You continue to look in his direction. You have to excuse yourself several times to get near him. You are thinking, "What am I going to say to him?" Several greetings come to mind. You might say, "We seemed to connect a moment ago and I wanted to say, Howdy." Or you might say, "WOOF, really glad to meet you." or maybe still, "Hi, my name is so and so."

This is a very important step in the meeting process. It is what breaks the ice. You are now initiating the come-on. You have come on to him, and you got to get this right. First impressions are lasting impressions. Don't appear too over eager. And definitely don't violate his space. His first reaction to your introduction will decide what course this places out.

So two results happen. He says, " Great to meet you." and you begin the normal chit chat. "Crowded tonight." "What are you drinking?" Or over the noise of the bar, he might say, "Got to run." or "See you around." They are nice ways of giving the brush off. Since you made the first move, you have to expect either scenerio.

Second scenerio. He makes the first move. You know that he is heading in your direction. You got time to think as well. Try to make room for him to stand next to you. You may want to greet him with a tap on the shoulder and direct your conversation close to him, since the bar is getting really loud. That first contact will decide how the rest of the night goes. Again, he made the first move, so respond accordingly.

You both like each other. You listen so that you can talk about mutual interests, Harleys, leather, clubs, etc. If this all goes well, you will both be deciding how this continues. Will it be your place or his after the bar closes? Walking out together back to your respective cars and the conversation that takes place will decide the next step. Does he or doesn't he?

Cruise Control

Have you guys ever seen the classic gay flick, "Parting Glances'? It's about a group of young guys who partying together and are trying to survive the gay dating game. There are cool scenes of hot guys cruising across the room, looking for love.
The art of the cruise is something mastered. Guys think they need to stare and burn a hole through a guy. That's not cruising, that's being crude.

So you're standing across from the bar in the far corner of the room. In comes a hot looking guy walking up to the bar to order a drink. He gets his drink and then proceeds to the wall across from you. You are hugging your beer bottle and take some discrete glances as you chug down. The other guy is just getting adjusted to his "stand and pose" position. That may take a few seconds as he also glances around the room.

The first cruise is to assess who's there. This is usually a wide sweeping 180 degree turn of the eyes. You may meet someone else's eyes during that first glance, but usually not. You are there to observe. If a guy is looking around the room too quickly, he might not be cruising, but is looking for someone who he is supposed to met there. NEVER assume that he may be interested in you, when instead is trying to find a friend in the crowd of hot men now beginning to pour into the bar.

The art of the successful cruise is to patient. If you do meet another guy's glance, smile back. That never hurts. Don't continue fixing your stare once that connection is made. You can return there in a few minutes. Guys make the serious mistake of interperting that fixation with interest. Then they make their way over and it always turns out that these guys are overanxious and become too touchy, feely.

The art of the come on is a subject for a future blog. However if after several meeting of the eyes, someone has got to make a move. If you do, remember to make it friendly and not intrusive. The guy may not be out yet or he is on the prowl because his boy friend is out of town. What you say next is all important. More on how to make the next move will be discussed in a future blog. Stay tuned.

The Apprentice Boy: earning Daddy Master's gratitude

Image a 20 boy competition using both brawn and brains with the goal of becoming the Apprentice Boy. This would be a reality show on SlingTV. The object of the show would be for Daddy Master to pick the ultimate Apprentice Boy.

The boys would be divided into two teams of 10 each. Getting there,the boys would have to demonstrate their ability to serve Daddy in the usual ways. Once selected, the boys would be challenged to work together towards the final goal: pleasing Daddy.

Daddy here is a successful guy who wants to expand pleasure to other Daddys. He has developed two distinct business proposals. The first one involves setting up the ultimate call boy agency network. Team Shackle would have to develop a business strategy to establish this chain of on call boy franchises which would involve training as well as promotion. The other team, Team Sling would be challenged to develop a business plan for a chain of self dungeons called dungle jungles which would be modeled after the self storage warehouses found almost everywhere. They would be working as a team to coordinate design, insurance, promotion.

You can see that the boys have their work cut out for them. Like other shows, the boys would be video taped reacting to their challenges. They would be judged on their ability to contribute workable ideas to the group. Week by week, one boy would be eliminated from each team. But there will be twists and turns along the elimination route. Daddy would enter their play spaces at one point and make his decision. All boys would get on their knees. If Daddy is pleased, the boy would be invited to lick Daddy's boots. The boy from each team whose head is directed at Daddy's crotch would not be invited back and would be shown the door of their respective playrooms by the executor. Camera shots would zoom in on a secluded playroom where the boys will be shown being humiliated by their executors.

I will return to Apprentice Boy from time to time for updates. Stay tuned.

Making passes at guys with tight asses

We top guys are ass men, pure and simple. We have this butt cheek fetish and we like to explore the possibilities every chance we get.

But sometimes we have been fooled. Fooled by guys wearing those padded briefs. Fooled by the lifting of a jock strap.
Even fooled by other top guys. Geez, why is it that top guys have the hottest asses? Maybe it's all the pumping action we do that keeps our buttocks nice and firm, squeezably soft.

Let's keep this in perspective, guys. In a bar, we may walk up to our guy after giving his tush the once over, and say, "Howdy, you got a nice ass." He'll probably blush, all four cheeks and say, "thanks". If we've known the guy from past introductions, we'd probably grab his ass as a gesture of greeting. DON'T DO THIS, unless you already know the guy.

In hind sight, the ass is both functional and pure pleasure. Some guys just love to munch at it. That's how we top men get to enjoy some of what bottom guys feel in foreplay. Some of us top guys are into ass foreplay, others just want to shove our dicks in and start the motion. Again, it's all how you handle the situation. And something that I only do with permission, is the ass slap. Some guys get into it, while others are turned off. Learn what your partner likes and doesn't like. Don't ever continue a scene that he doesn't like. We top men are in the business of providing pleasure to our bottoms. Our foremost responsibility is to provide safe, sane pleasure.

So the next time a cute pair of buns passes you by, by all means compliment the guy. Doing this the right way may lead to exploring that butt crack in the future. And who knows, it may lead to a wonderful, long lasting relationship.

Committment or The Path of Least Resistance

It's the morning after. You are sleeping with someone you met last night, either at the Rodeo dance, a pickup at the local bar, a circuit party, whatever. After some none stop sex, you both lay back and fall asleep. You wake up later, usually first.
You look over at him, sleeping. Is he your life partner or just another one-night stand?

The sex is always good. But will breakfast decide if you will call him later? You got to make a decision. You've made this dozens, even hundreds of times. Are you a slut or some guy who just can't commit?

You can't even remain loyal to a brand of toothpaste, yet alone another man. What's wrong with you? Always sampling the candy but after a bite, putting the candy back in the box. You got problems. You think that there is someone always better out there. But do you really know what you want?

Well, guys, if you find yourself in this situation, it's time for some self assessment. What do you think you offer that's such a precious commodity? Are you of the mindset that it is better to reject first, than be rejected?

Following that logic, you are leading yourself down the path of becoming a tired old queen. So you're in your thirties or early forties. Life is good. Great pecs, you are aging well. Your cock just doesn't know when to stop. You're hot shit, so it seems. You can get about just any guy and add him to your list of conquests. But can this last? When do you become old meat instead of prime beef? Sometimes this just creeps up when you least expect it. You got to have a life plan.

Do you want to be with a hot guy to share your life with? If you do you got to both compromise and set your goals. List what is hot about you, your strengths. You are a top man, already the odds are better for you. But is sex your only goal, how about love, affection, companionship. These are other pleasures you may now want. So how do you achieve the best, wanting it all?

You give of yourself, and therefore you receive. As I have said before, "IT"S NOT ALWAYS ABOUT "ME", IT"S GOT TO BE ABOUT "WE"." You have to make choices or face a life alone. Can you face yourself if you have to start paying for sex. Don't let it cum to that. Take charge of your life. Be the best you can be. Sure, you still want to inspect the merchandise. But don't be so choosy. We all got flaws. Seek out a life partner that compliments your strengths and improves upon your weaknesses.

When you find that special guy, court him. Dating is the fun, unchartered course of the beginnings of a true, lasting relationship. Maybe licking ice cream off his cock laying on your kitchen island gets him off, maybe Redi Whip doesn't. Do the crazy and the unexpected. You're find yourself growing in love with him. Sure there is love at first sight, but there is also lasting love. You won't disappoint yourself if you make the committment. But making that first move, is up to you.

Making the squeeze play while pulling his chain.

Have you ever been playful and just out of the blue, made the squeeze play? For us guys who love nipples, it's just a friendly way to introduce yourself. CAUTION!!! ONLY do this with guys who are receptive.

The nipples are a guy's most sensitive part of his body. For me, they cause immediate arrousal. It takes almost nothing to get them hard. They seem to grow more the more attention they get. They seem shy at first, nuzzled beneath chest fur, but they almost instantly sprout magically to provide pleasure to the body. However they seem to get no respect in the realm of foreplay.

So is there a right way and a wrong way to turn these dials? Yes there is. Don't play with them so hard that they become raw.
They are tender and sensitive, that's why they feel so good when aroused. Do brush them to their point of hardness and they lightly squeeze. Lip service is definitely desirable in this case.

If you see a guy with nipple clamps, it may seem like an open invitation to play, but please ask first. He'll respect your manners and will return the courtesy in kind.

The holy grail for nip lovers is a webzine called Holy Titclamp, run by Larry. He wrote the gospel on enjoy your nips. His writings are both useful and amusing. Also like mined guys join Nippleplay.com. Check it out the next time. I'm sure your nips will thank you.

Hopefully this post will prove useful to guys who never explored their nips. By giving them all the attention they deserve, they'll never let you down.

It's all in the wrist action

Have you ever heard yourself saying, "I could have done it better myself."? After all, we've been masterbating longer than any other sexual activity. So who than yourself can do it better.

If you've found yourself saying that, then you need to take matters into yours and his hand, and get it right. And Practice, Practice, Practice.

Your hand is like a vise grip. It can squeeze hard, it can squeeze gently. How much grip you apply is determined by a variety of factors.

First, is his cock naturally lubricated? Does it slide effortlessly in your hand? If so, you got a prize and never lose your grip.

If his cock is less than slippery, the great lab folks at KY have some alternataives. Their new warming gel is remarkably sensual and warmly soothing. But don't get carried away. Keep a spray bottle of water at room temperature nearby to water down and wash off the lubricant. A big handful of glob can squash that moment of climax .

Hold his hand at the exact position and stroke yourself in tandem with his hand. He'll feel what you like to feel and establish a rhythm which strokes your member at the right interval. He'll appreciate the lesson because he wants to please you.

A valuable lesson learned is, When you take matters into both your hands, it's a win-win situation.

The Next Bigger Thing

We are all looking for that edge, that product that will make us harder, longer, bigger, better. But is always more, better?

Life is about being who we are. And how we live our lives is up to us.

Screwing the next guy just because you can, does have its consequences. If you are having a bad day, don't take it out during sex. You are the one in control. Don't take your frustrations out on him. After all, there are cooler heads. He can always go to the vegetable tray in the refrigerator and substitute you for a cucumber.

Get back to why you are with him. It's something you saw in him. It'sall those good times you had. It's all those dreams you shared. So never go to bed angry and NEVER, NEVER take your frustrations out at him during sex. Settle your differences some other way. Be the bigger man.

So who's your Daddy Santa?

So what is Daddy Santa going to bring you this year? It's never too late to ask.

There are only so many toys that he can carry in his stocking. How about a TiVo? That way you can see Manhunt, Queer Eye, Queer as Folk and the rest of Gay TV anytime you want.

How about some form fitting leather? Daddy Santa likes wearing hot, form fitting chaps and tall boots. He wears underchaps because those wind gusts make his ride a little uncomfortable.

Be sure to leave some cookies and milk out for Daddy Santa. That way, he can keep his strength up.

Never, I repeat, NEVER, sneak up on Daddy Santa. He has his appointed rounds and has a very tight schedule.

If you happen to see Daddy Santa making his exit, show him some gratitude. After all, it's just not about giving, but receiving.

Separating the men from the boys: Keeping your lid on

For more than a generation, gay men have lived in the age of AIDS. We all know what that feels like. We all know the causes and how to protect ourselves and those who we engage in sex. Still there are some of us who would like to ignore the dangers of unprotected sex.

Most of you belong to various Yahoo and MSN groups which cater to gay men. It is a really cool way to hook up with guys, post erotic images to the group and have some fun on the net. The world becomes so much closer living on the net.

Some major discussion is taking place about barebacking. It continues to divide the gay male community. And should it?
Most definitely.

We Top Men are the first line of defense against the spread of AIDS. It is our actions that determine who gets infected. If we do not use a condom during anal penetration and we have HIV, then we are endangering our partner. If our partners are infected and we pentrate them, then we expose ourselves to this deadly virus. And yes it is still deadly. We don't read as many obituaries as we once did in the papers, but even with the drugs, it does kill.

Those of us old enough have been exposed to the ugly side of AIDS through photos. Guys who are walking corpses trying to survive. You don't see that anymore. The image does not exist for gay men coming out today. They don't know the ugly side of this disease. They only know that if they get infected, they can take the coctail and live. But live how.

It should be a no brainer. Wear a fuckin condom when you are fucking. No ands or ifs when you are butt fucking. That's why baskit makes a condom holder inside their briefs. This is cool.

So when you are at a jock strap affair, line your inner side of your socks with condoms. Be prepared. There should be plenty available by the promoters. But if you have a favorite kind, then bring them and use them. Refresh your old unopened condoms that you bring with you with new ones every 6 weeks or so.

If takes practice, but let it be a sharing experience. Your partner, as part of the experience, should be putting the condom on your hardon before you enter. Keeping it hard can be a challenge, but you know your cock. With Viagra and the others, that shouldn't be a problem. Don't risk the chance of exposure, even if the other guy says he is HIV negative. Play safe and live long.

There's a good fairy Godfather lurking inside each of us

Howdy men. Hoping your Labor Day was restful and rejuvenating. It's time to get into it again.

Do you remember the first time you set foot into a gay bar? I bet you were very young. I was in my early twenties.
I remember this because it was Labor Day weekend, 25 years ago. As you can imagine going through that experience, I was nervous. I decided to go on a Sunday afternoon for tea dance. I had been reading the local gay rag for a while, and wanted to build up enough courage to go. After I paid my cover, I stepped through some beads and entered the magical world where I could enjoy being my self.

I remember first glancing around the big room the diversity of ages. Being a deer in the headlights, I immediately darted to the bar to order a beer to calm my nerves. The place was crowded. It was about 6 pm, so things were heating up. Back then, guys were more modest, and kept their shirts on. But guys danced in shorts and sneakers, and were dancing up a storm on the floor. I ordered my beer, left the first of millions, it seems, tips for the bartender, who was cute, and proceeded to a far corner of the bar near a stairway. It took me four more visits before I felt comfortable climbing those stairs.

I just stood there for the longest time. I do remember a guy asking me to dance. I don't really remember what he looked like then, but I shyly said that I wasn't a good dancer. He was a dancing queen, so he moved along. I stayed about 2 hours and left.

Looking back, it was about typical for most gay men going alone to a gay bar for the first time. It wasn't unpleasant, nor was it the stirring experience I had imagined. But that's where we as top men come in.

How do we play the good fairy Godfather to young gay men out at the bars for their first times? It all depends on the situation and type of bar. If it is a leather bar, then there exists the situation for some heavy cruising. But these guys have probably been in other gay bars before, and as I like to say, "are trading up" in their clubbing.

When you visit a gay bar out of town, doesn't it feel a little bit like the first time? You're new, fresh meat, regardless of age. It is thrilling, but also frightening. You don't have that comfort level that regulars do. You're only principal contacts are the guy at the door and the bartender. Those first steps into uncharted waters and getting the lay of the land are exciting. That's how that young guy feels when he enters the bar for the first time. What is going through his mind?

As we mature as top men, we evolve in stages, according to age. By thirty-five, we are mature enough to become young daddies. We aren't the circuit bunnies anymore. There are new guys taking over the dance floor. So we move on.
It is a life defining experience, one I decided to explore, because I didn't want to become the old troll thirty years later.

As I have written earlier, you have to prepare for this moment. You got to have your shit together before you can assume this very responsible role. There is not really a instructor course you can sign up for. It's about attitude and appearance.

I have evolved from being a young daddy to a daddy. I have enjoyed the transformation because I have found purpose. And that purpose is to help younger guys wade through the initiation stages of gay life. I learned by trial and error, with an older man. Going through that hell taught me never to behave that way when the boot is on the other foot.

So how then do we use our night stick for good instead of evil? I don't believe in making any guy feel uncomfortable. By crusing the bar, you know pretty early who is a new guy and who is a regular. If you live in a tourist or convention city, you will see new guys on weekend nights. If you go out during the week, they will be out usually in force on Thursday night.
They will be out also on major holidays, perhaps visiting family. Whatever the situation, you usually can spot these guys.

Eye contact, I believe, is the best way to approach a newbie. If he's interested and you don't make him uncomfortable, this may be the best way. It is non committal and less intrusive. But some guys can burn holes through you with their constant stares. Don't do that. Having a warm smile makes the situation all the more pleasurable. Be approachable, but never downbearing. If he shows an interest, he might come over and take the initiative to strike up a conversation. But if he is scared shitless, it might be up to you to make the first approach. Be careful not to make him feel pressured. A howdy and " I haven't seen you here before" is a good pick-up line to use. That usually breaks the ice. If you are with someone else, immediately introduce him as well. You 'll never know where this might lead.

Remember to hone in on your listening skills while talking, and by all means, maintain eye contact. If you find his eyes wandering, he may be nervous or signalling that he wants to move on. Give him this freedom early on. If this is his first night in town, be a tourguide and give him pointers on the best hangouts during his stay. You may or not bump into him again during his stay.

Never, NEVER, try to force a situation. That's where coming on too strong hurts the situation. Think with your brain, not with your cock. Good top fairy god fathers do this by instinct. Let him decide to make the next move. He has to be made comfortable. This is the best way for top men to become good ambassadors. After all, it's not about "me", it's about "we".

It's not just about "Me", it's all about "We"

You both are snuggly in yourbed, enjoying the Sunday morning routine of readingthe newspaper.
You look downat him, as he rests his head on your chest, reading the front page.
Oh how wonderful life is.

How did it get that way, you ask yourself?

What did I do to deserve him?

If you have been fortunate enough to ask yourself this question, you don't need to read any further. You mastered being a Top man.

If you can't relate to this,read on.

You may be now in your 40's and not in a relationship, let alone a gay marriage. You want tobe there bynow.
Yourcareer is successful. But you haven't met the right man. Why?

Maybe you aren't mature enough yet to be the Top man. You are still servicing the "Me" part of yourself without being ready to offer the "We". But how do you get there?

You practice,practice,practice. You become a better listener. You quit finding superficial faultsin guys you are dating. What you do is focus on the best feature of the guy. All guys have that best feature,that hot button, be it a sexy forehead, great ears,(yes,great ears), beautiful eyes, hot V shaped torso, great ass, legs. etc. Get beyond the Adonis stereotype. If you find yourself looking for perfection and you yourself are an out of shape slob, you are just setting yourself up for one night, hustler stands,paying for sexandenjoying it less and less.

Get that fingeraway from your cellphone. Join the top man world. Learn how to be comfortable with who you are. Get into shape. Make those pecs cushions for your partner. Get over the "me" and focus on the "we".

You're be somuch happier feeling the love and friendship of your partner. Start today. It's never to late to be a whole man.

Top men heed the call

How will top men contribute to the success of gay marriage? By being the best they can be. And what is that?

For starters, gay males who are dominant must earn that distinction. It's all about pleasing your partner. How do you turn him on?

You establish your calling card. You workout religiously and sculpt a physique that is hot, desirable, and shows that you are willing to do anything to excite and ignite passion. You got to kiss passionately. This is all about the moment. Make it last. You are his rock, his solitude, his release.

So you got the look, but how about the bedside manner? You got those hairy pumped pecs. Let him nuzzle there, feel safe and secure. Let him feel wanted and desired. Give him pleasure and make him happy.

You can only give if you are satisfied. You got to listen to his wants and desires. After all, you pledged your lives together.
Make every moment feel like the first. Don't ever let the fire of desire extinguish.

Laura Branigan

I danced to Laura just like anyother 80's disco boy. I chanted and jumped with every verse of Gloria. I could sweat some muscles dancing to that pulsing beat.
I was not disappointed when I saw her in person. She got the guys up on their feet and dancing shirtless. Her music was good clean fun.

I have 12inch vinyl copies of Gloria and How am I supposed to live without you.
You look back fondly playing her songs and those of the Weather Girls.
The age of reality was playing all around and you could always depend on Laura to help you through the day.