Friday, November 12, 2004

My, What a Big Leaf Blower You Have

Ah, the sounds of autumn. Cul-de-sacs and neighborhoods in deciduous tree zones are abuzz with the sucking sounds of leaf blowers.

These essential multi-tasked instruments are loved by both straight men and gay men alike.
Who can resist pivoting these long powerful tools against the hip and being able to rein in thousands of leaves, controlling their destiny into seas of large plastic lawn refuse bags.

One feels this rush as you master these leaves into submission. The roaring sound itself is quite macho. Guys seem to compare leaf blowers. Their girth and length is measured a lot like dick size. And these virtuoso members can be expanded or contracted as the need arises. How delightful.

Who says size and power doesn't matter. In the world of leaf blowers, the bigger the engine, the more the thrust. Gas powered blowers seem to be the preferred choice. They can go anywhere and make the loudest noise.

So if you are having a lousy day and lying around your yard are a few thousand defenseless leaves, try exerting some control, bring out your leaf blower and rev it up. You get your jollys, your partner gets a leaf free yard, and you'll be able to continue your prowlness in the bedroom later. Just don't try to emulate that buzzing sound. You might not be able to measure up.

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