I found an interesting article on the Washington Blade web site main page, http://www.washblade.com
It proclaims, "Gay sex is everywhere these days." The TV is a mainstain of this, including "Queer as Folk", "Six Feet Under" and even "Desparate Housewives".
It's often promiscuous sex that is depected on these programs. But to gay men believe that this is always the case? From the results of a survey conducted by the Washington Blade, it runs the spectrum from promiscuity to long-term relationships to personal codes of conduct based on a variety of complex factors?
So is screwing around on the first date, the norm for gay men? According to those guys surveyed, it all depends.
A psychologist and sex therapist interviewed for the article, Michael Hendricks, says that when "two people have sex too soon, the relationship is more likely to be based on fantasy". But what is so bad about that? A respondent to the survey said that it can be "fun to just go at it becuase you find the other person "hot" and the feeling is mutual".
According to those in the know, sex lives are influenced by emotional and supeficial factors, such as race, age, level of comfort with being gay, how drunk or high you might be at a particular moment, your relationship history, a broken heart and health status. So being on the rebound has some influence on how you take that first encounter, easy and slow, or ramping it to the extreme.
One of the respondents, Mike, wrote that he would "only engage in bondage, role-playing and spanking with men he has an emotional connection with". But he concluded that relationships for him take priority over casual sex.
This other guy who completed the survey, "Dan", said that he assumed in his 20's that a sexual attraction meant "happy ever after". But he knows better now than to, at the drop of a pin after the first dates, to rent the U-Haul and " order his and his mongrammed towels".
Also, obviously, HIV status also plays a role in making decisions about sex, for rational gay men, anyway.
Mike Hendricks, the psychologist interview for the article, concludes that "sexual freedom with no rules ultimately leaves gay men with the right to choose a sex life that makes them feel comfortable and says that it's an important extension of their personalities".
The Dan man also feels that God gave him this wonderful ability to have sex, and by God, "it would be a sin not to use it". Now that's putting the most positive spin on having gay sex that I have ever read. I absolutely agree with him.
So what are your feelings about sex on the first date? And taking this one step further, is kinky sex healthy or harmful to a gay man, whether or not he's in a relationship? I feel that a little sleaze as long as it's protect sex, can only lead to more pleasurable sex and who knows, a long term commitment. You won't know if you don't try.