Friday, September 15, 2006

More Fodder About Gay Men and their Sex Drive




This from this week's Washington Blade, written by Wayne Beesen.

THIS BATTLE OF the male brain is now playing itself out in gay society after paparazzi ambushed pop star George Michael coming out of the bushes following a supposed sexcapade with a pot-bellied peasant. [Was Michael acting differently than other gay men?] My comment.

Back in the 70's days, bathhouses were hugely popular and the gay bars had blackened out windows, creating a virtual cocktail-serving closet. Many of the patrons had to have sex away from home to keep the secret from an unsuspecting wife and kids.
Of course, there was a portion of men who did have options but who enjoyed unfettered promiscuity for the thrill.
With time, the ease with which people could come out, combined with the fear of contracting HIV, sharply curtailed the carnal carnival the gay subculture once represented.
The whole notion that gay men are more libidinous than straight men is a canard pushed by right wing fanatics in an effort to deny homosexuals basic rights. Indeed, one of the most guarded secrets of gay life is that a good portion of homosexuals are as undersexed as their straight counterparts.
Some of these lonely gay sorts keep long hours at the office and never took time to pursue partners. Others are shy and have great difficulty meeting people. Many men, gay and straight, simply have low sex drives and hardly desire gratuitous encounters.
From my observation, a surprisingly large portion of men find the notion of hooking up with strangers totally unappealing. It is not looks nor variety, but intimacy that is the greatest turn on.
FOR THE HYPER-AGGRESSIVE men who fancy uninhibited sexual exploration, it is easier being gay because you can always find another man looking for the same thing. But, instead of being blamed for a lack of self-control, most gay men should get a medal for restraint.
Heck, if straight men could have sex in public restrooms with women, would we ever again be able to use the facilities for legitimate purposes? If straight men could easily pick up women for sex in parks after midnight, would the grounds be so trodden that ants would become an endangered species?
Yeah, gay men have access to sex if they want it bad enough and are willing to take risks, like George Michael did, but the majority consistently chooses not to recklessly cruise.
George Michael may want his sex, but placing the blame on gay culture n“o longer reflects modern reality. Given a full range of choices, including marriage, gay life increasingly looks as diverse as mainstream culture with monogamously oriented men finally having the option to choose monogamy.

Being in a horny mindset myself this morning, I thought that I'd reintroduce this controversy.
Gay men exhibit more self control than most. Hell, we find ourselves in situations almost constantly where we can not act upon our impulses. True, our impulses may be sluty, but we control them, because it is the right thing to do. Again this all comes back to our lack of being able to openly express our love and lust in public like straights can, and they do like to flaunt it.

5 comments:

Denis said...

The part about the ants made me laugh, and the term 'carnal carnival' is an interesting combination of alliteration and assonance.

On a more serious note, why the hell do people feel the need to point out that promiscuity isn't as widespread in the gay community as some would believe? Rather than say 'Gay men don't sleep around all that much actually', it should be 'So what if they do?'. Having said that, the tendency for some of the more picturesque locations in metropolitan areas to turn into cruising grounds makes me think that it should be kept to private residences.

Controlling slutty impulses is only the right to do if you are in a public place, but if you're in the privacy of your own home, then away you go.

Good article anyway. I'm going to nick it and put it on my blog, if you don't mind...

Teddy Pig said...

I'm of the mind that sex is not a bad word and yes men as a whole like sex much more than women do.

We don't attach a bunch of emotional crap to it. Sex is sex and if your looking for love in a bath house you really should rethink your plans there.

I bet that they did not point out that half the men in those bushes probably identified themselves as straight. I just can't get into the whole Gay's are more promiscuous than straight guys. I think that's just all about opportunity not reality.

TOS said...

I have a hyper-sex drive that trumps 99% of people I meet (or used to date) and luckily for me I have a bf who shares almost the same level. Regardless of how horny I generally am - I am one of those people who finds sex with strangers intriguing but ultimately very unfulfilling. I'd much prefer whack off at the thought of encounters with strangers (back when I was single) than actually go seek it out.

Now don't get me wrong, I did do my share of exploration but more times than not, the fantasy stayed in my right hand and ended there...

I'm just glad I somehow stumbled upon a wonderful, sexy guy who has everything to offer AND shares the same sex drive, activities, and monogamous thoughts that I do... now that is something that gets me hard and horny!

Oops ok sorry about that... I've been doing homework all morning and I'll be attacking that Boo of mine when he comes home!

copperred said...

You're quite right to say that gay men are no more sexual than other men, it simply is opportunity and culture. Of course men are no more sexual than women, and the idea that they are is always pushed by various conservatives, who then have a mistress on the side; the Madonna/whore complex never goes away, it just changes its appearance.

Straight men overall have weaker impulse control, because they are allowed to. Women are constrained by codes of behavior that prohibit lashing out in the same way men often do. In more free societies, where women are not bound by antiquated religious ideas, sex is a regular thing, and carries no stigma. Women attach no more emotion to sex than men do; it is a personal choice, and if women seem to do so more, it is only because they are socialized think that way.

I have to admit, I was almost tempted to walk up a straight couple who were all over each other by the freezer case and noting that until we can do the same, they should save that for later. Then of course I just thought, live and let live, and only in a gay neighborhood could they be free to do so.

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DonPato
San Jose