As many of you know by now, Marc, the Gay Dude, died this past Sunday afternoon.
I am still saddened by his death. He was a wonderful gay man who took time to write and post to so many of our blogs. His insight was remarkable, for such a young guy.
This past week, I finally finished reading "Full Circle" by Michael Thomas Ford. I don't know if Marc had read the novel, but in some ways, certain passages of the book were written with Marc in mind.
The main character, Ned, goes through his first 56 years of life, 1950-2006, trying to be just an average guy, but who wants to make a difference, and he does. He's no saint, this guy gets fucked bareback to become pos he feels shitty about himself. Luckily for him, he doesn't get his wish.
Ned has two friends, Andy and Jack. Andy plays an important part in Ned's adult life, meeting up with him at Penn State and they enlist in the Army together, in late 1969 to fight in Vietnam. Jack is Andy's next door neighbor from childhood, the lucky Jack who uses Ned as a comfortable pillow through childhood up to Penn State, where fearing he would flunk out of school and get drafted, enrolls in seminary school until he gets fucked by his professor and is forced to quit.
What comes to mind reading this is gay men are human, perhaps more human than the general population. We may be drama queens at times, but life sometimes just doesn't give us a fair break. Marc suffered from ailments that should not have happened to such a young guy, and unfortunately, he was very unlucky in the health department. He was dealt a bad hand, health wise, and for a long time, made the most of it, and even seemed to lick it.
He gave us hints about his state of health, but for the most part, he never wanted pity or wanted to burden us. He gave and shared, both from his mind and from his heart, everytime he communicated with us through blogging.
Quoting from the book, the passages dealing with love and understanding. " There will always be friendship and love, and between the two of them, there are mysteries to last a life time." We go on trying to figuring them out, but only get a tiny bit closer to the discovery. Something like Pluto, until some body of scientists proclaims that we aren't what we thought we were.
The ending passage of "Full Circle" continues, "Like God and death, the question of what drives the heart may be one we never fully understand.. . "And although some will doubtless be disappointed when no clear answer arises to give them comfort, those who look carefully will find that in the search, in the questioning and wondering and raging, there is beauty beyond reckoning."
I feel that our love and rememberance of Mar is something beautiful. He brightened our minds and our souls. He is still with us, beaming his charm and knowledge in that eternal cyberspace. We love you, Marc. We'll meet again and embrace in big warm hairy muscle hugs of celebration and joy. Until then, your spirit lives on in our blogs.