Thursday, May 05, 2005

Are Gay Men "Mama's Boys" or Are We Just Better Sons?

With Mother's Day fast approaching, I was thinking about my relationship with my own Mother.

In retrospect, in my formative years, I was closer to my Mom than to my Dad. My Mom would walk me to my elementary school when I was in first grade. I was fortunate, it was a neighborhood school and we, as kids only had to cross one busy street which was manned by the crossing guard. That school is now a faded memory, long ago torn down.

She always greeted my sister and I after school with a healthy snack since Dad came home from work at 6 oclock. She was there to listen to an account of my school day and helped me with my homework. She taught me to stand up for myself and to overcome my shyness.

But relationships always evolve and for a time, there was a love-hate relationship during college.
But I still loved her.

She was the first to sense that I was gay. And she was very accepting of that.

Together she and my Dad were supportive parents and allowed me to pursue in life what would make me happy. I will always treasure that.

So back to the question, "Are We Just Mama's Boys or Are We Just Better Sons?" I firmly believe we are a little of the former and a lot of the latter.

We are better sons. We treat our Moms, for the most part, with kindness and respect. My Mom after the death of my Dad, went through hell coping with her loneliness. I was there for her, as a long distant emotional care giver of sorts. But she pulled herself through it and is a better mother and women because of it. I was her emotional pillar for a while. I feel being gay helped me to help my Mom better cope with her loss.

What are your feelings about our role as sons? Do we tend to be closer to our Mom's than our Dad's?

Whatever the situation, show your Mom how much you love her this Sunday. Afterall, you mean the world to her.


drifter said...

Wow - what a great topic to post, and think about. I agree that I think we are "better sons" and I believe that we balance our love equally between both parents in most cases simply due to the fact that we are quickly thrust into understanding equality and the importance of respecting others - to a degree. However, I also believe that we are less lenient to tolerating disrespect, criticism, etc., from our fathers and less likely to forgive/forget easily when experienced.

I think we tend to emotionally bond with our mothers, and biologically bond with our fathers.

AC said...

This is a great topic to post about! My Mom actually as a general rule drives me insane, makes me climb the walls, and when I see her coming I run for my life! I suppose I am the exception to this one gay law.

hbjock said...

Hmm interesting question. I would say that overall, we are the better sons... whether or not we become Mama's boys.. really depends on our fathers. For my dad, he really didn't take a major interest in my daily life like my mom did. And he didn't talk to me in this sweet nurturing voice that my mom used to all the time.. and whenever I was sick, it was my mom who came to my side. Granted, my mom is a nurse and my dad's a bartender so that's really not his field.. but still...

Not that I don't have a good relationship with my dad.. we just don't share many of the same day to day interests, or whenever we talk about stuff, he either doesn't say a whole lot, or it ends up being a debate.. and no matter how hard you try, even when you win the argument... you still lose.. =) Oh well, c'est la vie I guess!

Scotty said...

Awesome post and something to think about. I think we just make great sons!