Sorry to Keep Revisting This Story, But It's Definitely Worth Repeating

Why Can't Guys Learn that "Tina" is a BITCH, and get her out of their lives?

The following is from a news item posted on the Washington Blade web site.

The Atlanta Meth Task Force convened the forum at Outwrite after several recent deaths of local crystal meth users. The emotional forum included testimony from Josh Williams’ brother, one of guys who recently died of an overdose in the Atlanta area, as well as from Tommy Varnador, who wept as he talked about the November overdose death of his partner, Joseph Myska.

“This drug fills a void in people — a sense of guilt, a sense of shame,” said Brian Dew, a professor at Georgia State University who leads the Atlanta Meth Task Force. “It’s seen as a perfect short-term solution to the feelings that are there.”Drawing attention to the harmful effects of meth is particularly challenging among gay men, Dew said.“I think that the gay community has been reluctant to address our own pitfalls, and I think we’re seeing it with drug use,” Dew said. “But we can no longer sit back because of what it’s doing and the impact that it’s having.”

Russell Beasley talked about how he and Josh Williams had a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” attitude in many parts of their friendship, including drug use. But instead of being inspired by a desire not to appear judgmental, the informal policy was a manifestation of both men’s fears that if his friend knew the truth about him, he would no longer love him and would leave.

Gay men can no longer afford to mask their insecurities through drugs or indifference, Beasley said.“In the old days, when we were fighting HIV, we were going out and we were doing AIDS education and we were fighting to save lives — it’s kind of the same thing,” Beasley. “We all need to go out, spread the word, let everybody know that meth equals death, and that there is healing that can be achieved from everything.”

Also participating in the Outwrite forum was Mark White, who talked about how he had a staunchly conservative disdain for drug use most of his life before going through a difficult break-up.Crystal meth use, however, led to White landing in jail on Thanksgiving Day as well as Tina-fueled sex romps that led him to becoming HIV positive.“I became very lonely, I began to shy away from some of the things that I never really dealt with — for example, being comfortable being gay,” White said. “I’m a shy person by nature, but on crystal I became very sociable, I felt very powerful, very confident and very sexual.”

Guys have to have will power. Can't they realize that a guy can be sexual without the so called enhancement of fatal drugs? Is it too much to ask that guys interact more with their brains than with the lure of drugs? Can't guys get a woody by just taking in the "woofyness" of another guy's pleasure?

Drugs just fuck up the pleasures of the sexual experience. If guys invested some time for foreplay, they'd realize that great sex and staying power can come naturally. Drawing this from within, can make sex between two men real, and rememberable.

I know you guys have strong opinions on the subject. I can't accept the fact that guys can be so lonely that their only recourse is to use crystal. We've already seen these cries played out daily by Britney and look what happened to Anna Nicole. So why are guys who can have it all, killing themselves for instant, at the moment, pleasure? Self esteem seems to be at an all time low.

Men Together. Should It Always Be about Sex?

Our old pal Andy Sullivan, is writing again about gay men showering with their straight buds in the gym and elsewhere. He tells us that while he might have been turned on by other men, straight men, in the shower, he always controlled his woody. I was surprised that Andy didn't start describing all of his shower encounters where guys "worshipped" his woody.

So I was curious about the opinions of other guys on the subject. The following is from a healthboard post about men showering together.

Here's one guy's opinion.

What is the big deal here. I have been showering at the gym for years and before that in college and before that in high school. There was always someone that I knew either as a friend or just an aquaintance in there with me. I admit that in junior high when I started taking showers after gym class the gang showers were a little intimidating but after a while you realize that most of the other guys are nervous too and then you all get used to it. Yes some guys have bigger or smaller equipment or flatter stomachs and bigger muscles. But you know what.... There is always going to be someone who is bigger or smaller or who has a better body. Be a man and have some confidence in yourself. Everyone looks you can't help it but 99.9999% of the guys in the shower could care less about what they see. They are just there to get clean and get out. As far as showering with your buddies as was mentioned in the original post, I say so what. You are all buddies and it is not like you are squeezing into a tiny shower stall together. There was room for 2 so I say go for it and don't make a big deal about it. If you can not be comfortable around your buddies where can you be comfortable.I have been in situations where I have had to share a bed with a buddy when we got stuck after a day of skiing and had to spend the night. There is nothing sexual about it - a guy has got to shower and sleep don't he.

So the communal showering ritual is just that. When guys shower in public, the unspoken rule is no hard-ons and no come-ons. When you invite a guy to your house, then the shower is considered a private venue. This is when showering together, man to man, becomes a totally pleasurable experience. One of the hottest examples of foreplay I know. Anyone care to comment?

Mega Hairy Muscle Valentine's Day Hugs

Well guys, as you know, Valentine's Day is my favorite holiday. I guess I have always been a closet cupid. I enjoy seeing guys together, loving each other, sharing their passion, their lives, making each other happy.

Even after that Snicker's Super Bowl commercial, I can think of nothing sexier than two guys sharing some delicious between their lips. Enjoying a creamy chocolate Dove bar or other treat maximizes the taste buds and makes for fun eating.

So guys, I want each of you to pledge to me that when Cupid's arrow strikes, and it will, that you hug that cute guy next to you, whisper sweet nothings in his ear, give some tongue action if appropriate, and make him feel like he never felt before. When he moans, you got him where you want him.

Have a super Valentine's Day full of affection and hot sizzling sex.

What's This With Gay Porn Stars and Their Vicious Killer Tempers

Straight from the headlines. Two stories about gay porn stars and their murderous deeds.

A sad state of affairs, especially when these guys are "gay for pay".


A former Falcon pornstar will be tried in US state Colorado for the murder of gay businessman John Paul Kelso. Police apprehended the accused Timothy Boham, 25, very near to the US/Mexico border back in November. Boham had fled state Colorado, where a warrant had been issued for his arrest. Boham is charged with first-degree murder and aggravated robbery. Boham, apparently straight and gay-for-pay, was known as Marcus Allen in Falcon porn titles such as "Little Big League," "Through the Woods," "Never been touched," and "Ripe". Boham allegedly worked for the gay Kelso, 43, who had made millions though a career of debt recovery. A housekeeper found Kelso shot to death in the bathtub of his upscale Denver home.

Kelso, a philanthropist donating thousands of dollars to charities, often hired rent boys.
At a preliminary hearing this month, local police reported that Kelso was killed during a robbery attempt by Boham who needed money for a pregnant girlfriend. According to the Denver Post, Detective Aaron Lopez said that prior to the murder, Kelso had asked Boham to come to the bedroom for "a cuddle". Boham then pulled a gun on Kelso, asking him to open the safe box, which was believed to store buckets of cash. However, Kelso resisted and a struggle ensued leaving Kelso wounded.Kelso tried to pull an alarm, but a panicked Boham then suffocated him and shot him in the head. A blood smear was left on the alarm button, Lopez said.

Following the shooting, Boham was able to pry open the safe, which was empty except for a few rings. Boham then seized Kelso's Rolex watch and fled the scene. Court documents suggested that Boham, who had bipolar disorder and was prone to fits of rage, told his mother and sister that he had planned to use the money to go to South America with his girlfriend. But in the end it turnd out "he had done this for nothing," affidavits say.

Boham's lawyer maintains murder was not premeditated. He told the court that there was no evidence that Boham had gone to the Kelso's home with any other motive than to rob him. Boham has been ordered to be in custody until the trial date is set.

At a preliminary hearing this month, local police reported that Kelso was killed during a robbery attempt by Boham who needed money for a pregnant girlfriend. According to the Denver Post, Detective Aaron Lopez said that prior to the murder, Kelso had asked Boham to come to the bedroom for "a cuddle". Boham then pulled a gun on Kelso, asking him to open the safe box, which was believed to store buckets of cash. However, Kelso resisted and a struggle ensued leaving Kelso wounded.Kelso tried to pull an alarm, but a panicked Boham then suffocated him and shot him in the head. A blood smear was left on the alarm button, Lopez said. Following the shooting, Boham was able to pry open the safe, which was empty except for a few rings. Boham then seized Kelso's Rolex watch and fled the scene.

Court documents suggested that Boham, who had bipolar disorder and was prone to fits of rage, told his mother and sister that he had planned to use the money to go to South America with his girlfriend. But in the end it turnd out "he had done this for nothing," affidavits say. Boham's solicitor maintains murder was not premeditated. He told the court that there was no evidence that Boham had gone to the Kelso's home with any other motive than to rob him.

Boham, who has a 5-year-old daughter, had "numerous girlfriends" according to the Post and once told a downstairs neighbor that he "sanitized" his apartment "by thoroughly scrubbing it because a gay man had lived there previously."

Said the neighbor: "He hated (gays). He hated their lifestyle."

Yet he had no problem being "gay for pay" in such movies as Falcon Studio's Through the Woods. One talent agency owner said that Boham seemed desperate: "He didn't like people telling him what to do. He seemed like an angry person. His opportunities were tapering off. He got into bloody fistfights. He just had anger issues."

The second story follows.

Officials investigating gay porn producer's death want to talk with escort

By EDWARD LEWIS elewis@timesleader.com
WYOMING – Law-enforcement officials remain interested in talking to a Virginia Beach male escort whose photo surfaced in the investigation of last month’s murder of gay porn producer Bryan Charles Kocis.

Trooper Tom Kelly of the state police at Wyoming said he couldn’t confirm if the picture that investigators released last week is of the escort.

The man, who identified himself only as Harlow, told a reporter on Wednesday that the photo is of him, but denied any connection to Kocis. The escort said he was with a client for three hours in Virginia Beach on Jan. 24, the night Kocis was stabbed to death inside his Dallas Township home.

The Virginia State Corporation Commission lists a Harlow Cuadra as president of the Virginia Beach-based escort service Norfolk Companions Inc.

Last week, police released a photograph showing the head and shoulders of a person they said might have the last name of Drake.

The escort said he is the man in the photograph but said he does not use the name Drake.

The body of Kocis, 44, was recovered from his burning home. An autopsy showed Kocis died of multiple stab wounds and was dead before the blaze broke out.

After obtaining Kocis’ telephone records and e-mail accounts, police determined that Kocis sent an e-mail to an associate with photographs of Drake, stating he was meeting the man at his Midland Drive home at 7 p.m. to discuss a modeling job for Cobra Video. Kocis owned and operated Cobra Video, a company that produces and sells gay pornographic movies.

About 90 minutes after the scheduled meeting, firefighters responded to Kocis’ home for a fire, at about the same time a witness saw a light-colored sport utility vehicle back out of the driveway and speed away.

Harlow could not be reached for comment on Thursday.


SO is this Harlow dude guilty as shit? A jury will decide that, sooner or later.

Both of these murders indicate that gay porn can be a very risky undertaking. What appears glamourous on the outside is a cesspool of corruption behind the scenes.

Happy Groundhog's Day.

So Punxsutawney Phil says spring is on its way. Wishful thinking but I'm sure all of us are ready for some shirtless weather.

While Phil, the groundhog is furry, he definitely could use a makeover. So how about any of these replacements? Perhaps there is a new reality show in the making.

Hoping you guys are having a super day.

Speaking of hotties, are you watching the Super Bowl on Sunday? I'll be rooting for the Bears. That's a no brainer.

It's a GAY, GAY, GAY World. We Interact with Each Other No Matter Where We Live.

Guys: I found this great article by Brian on the http://www.washblade.com

web site.

Searching for a connection Rural gays turn to new technologies to ease sense of isolation

By BRIAN MOYLAN Jan. 26, 2007
Rural gays turn to new technologies to ease sense of isolationMANY GAY PEOPLE have a song they identify as their coming out anthem. Maybe it’s a song with lyrics about empowerment or a track that was popular in the gay bars when they first started going out. For Mike, a 42-year-old auto mechanic, his coming out anthem could be the familiar “You’ve Got Mail” greeting that sounds when he logs onto America Online.
“I knew I was gay since I was 12, but I was afraid to act on it and I didn’t know who to talk to. I didn’t start coming out until I was 30,” says Mike, who asked that his last name be withheld for privacy reasons. What made it even harder for Mike is that he grew up and still lives in Helena, Mont. Though it’s the state capital, there is only a population of 26,000 people, and the nearest gay bar is 64 miles away in Butte. There are only two other bars in the state, one in Great Falls, about 100 miles away, and one in Billings, almost 300 miles away.
He never ventured out to the bars and didn’t even know they were there when he was younger.
“I just kept to myself, rode my motorcycle and got drunk at straight bars for no reason,” he says. “My brother signed me onto America Online, and I found the men-for-men chat room, and for the first time, I thought there were more people like me.”
Twelve years later, Mike has had two long-term boyfriends (though the last one lived about 100 miles away), watches Logo — the gay cable channel — on satellite TV and is out to his family and a few people at the auto dealership where he works.
MIKE’S STORY ISN’T uncommon for gay people who live in rural communities, but the internet has ended some of the isolation for such people by letting them develop communities online and in their towns.
James Martin, a 48-year-old accounting clerk, grew up in rural West Virginia, but spent many years living in more urban areas of North Carolina before moving to Anchorage, Alaska, several years ago. Though it’s a city of 700,000 people, Martin says that he used the internet to locate other bears and community events geared for them before making the move to Alaska.
He says being able to do this research is a big shift from when he was coming out, where the only connection he had to gay people was in medical books in the local library, most of which portrayed homosexuality as a disease or something negative.
Tim Niehaus, a 21-year-old restaurant worker, also used the internet as a research tool, talking to gay people online before he ever talked to any in person. In Eagle River, Wis. (population, 1,500), that was his only resource. He now lives in Stevens Point, home to a branch of the University of Wisconsin, which boasts 20,000 people (including the university), and he met many of his gay friends online.
Though they may be spread out, there are plenty of people in rural communities to meet in online chat rooms. Jeff Soukup, president and chief operating officer of PlanetOut, Inc. — which owns the websites Gay.com and PlanetOut.com, as well as RSVP cruises and LPI Media which publishes The Advocate and Out magazines — says that half of the sites’ U.S. traffic is from the South and Midwest, where the biggest number of small towns are located. Soukup says that the company’s two sites get 5.4 million unique visitors each month.
NEWER TECHNOLOGIES ARE making it easier for gay arts and culture to come to these communities as well. Logo and Here! TV, another gay television service, reach a national audience through satellite television and digital cable (though some digital cable providers still don’t broadcast the channels in all markets). The companies are also using streaming video and podcasts on their websites to bring their programming to anyone with a high-speed internet connection. These and other technologies are out there to bridge the distance gap.

We are all connected in this great big world of ours and that brings us all together. I am so glad that technology makes us gay brothers, where ever we are. I am a better man because I know all of you. Stay warm and sexy.

Is There Such A Thing As A Gay Male Mid-life Crisis?

Seems that our friend, Dan Savage, has devoted a lot of his column this week to just such a question.

The guy writes about his hottie partner who is turning 40 and wants to celebrate at a clothing optional gay resort and have sex under the sky.

Been there, done that. And for me, it was just fun, and had nothing to do with time or space, for that matter.

I don't think wanting to be sexy, playing safely, and just being a guy has anything to do with a guy being a horndog. Enjoying leather, boots, jockstraps, play toys, whatever, do it if it feels good.

The partner shouldn't have a hang-up about it. But there are limits. Three ways are always best when all three players are consenual. And when all three are enjoying the playtime. That's why for three ways, the key player is the top guy who gives both his playguys equal attention.

It's winter now, and sure, it is the perfect time to snuggle and get real nice and cozy physically with your man. The sexiest thing this time of year is a pair of long johns with a nice button fly. Sure gives new meaning to the phrase, "Are you glad to see me?"

A healthy appetite for sex is nothing that should never be turnoff or dismissed, no matter how old a guy is. Channeling that energy into safe, sexy fun is something that should be enjoyed to the fullest.

Our man Dan, I feel, was right on with his advice, as usual. Explore, be adventurous, and consensual. The same old, same old, isn't who we are, sexually or otherwise. If sex becomes so routine, so mechanical, then something is missing.

I truly believe that you get out of something only by investing in the time and trouble of making your best effort. That goes with life and with sex.

New Years Resolutions that We can all share together for the common good

Yes, it is that time of year to make and in some cases, already break, New Year's Resolutions.

I thought that maybe we could share together some New Year's Resolutions that we wouldn't break, and that we could easily commit to.

You guys know how much I love to hug. That aside, you might assume that I would also be a "tree hugger". You'd be right again.

So how about we try this spring to plant a tree. If each of us would commit to planting a single tree, a seedling would do, and help to nuture it, we would be doing our collective share in making the air a little cleaner and the environment a little better.

Likewise, we all set personal goals for ourselves, be it losing weight, gaining muscle, etc. Let's pledge to help each other with these personal goals. That way, it won't feel so lonely trying to do it alone.

An idea I saw on Ellen during the holidays, about loose change, could also be something we could do collectively and give to a favorite charity, gay or straight. A lot of our biker buds out there have favorite charities which we could devote some of our loose change in helping others.

Feel free to add your own ideas. You make this a place great to hang because you guys are the best. Never forget that.

Hoping you all are having a great start to the New Year. Together we can make it fun and sexy.

Happy, Happy New Year Guys

Howdy guys. I just wanted to wish you guys the Very, Very Best of New Years.

Over the years you guys have always been there for me. And for that, I am very, very grateful.

So not to slack off, I give you some of my predictions for 2007, with a gay slant.

I predict that the new Lifetime TV show, "Gay, Straight or Taken" will air all its episodes and be a mild hit for the cable channel.

Also I predict that two Hollywood closeted celebs will be outed this year. And yes, Anderson Cooper does count.

Gay marriage will continue its uphill legal battles, but we will get closer to this being reality, at least in one state, hopefully California.

Also Rosie O'Donnell will put her big foot in her mouth at least once each weekday on the View.

You guys will continue to shine in my eyes.

And finally, drum roll please,

Continued BIG HAIRY MUSCLE HUGS. It wouldn't be the same without them.

Enjoy the day, guys.

Daddy Santas Everywhere

Tis the season to HO! HO! HO!

From the Beverly Hills Center which features Hunky Santas this year to your neighbor bar, Santa's men are keeping with the spirt of the Holiday season.

So why so many Santas this time of year? And why are they always shirtless?

I guess being one of Daddy Santa's helpers puts them in a playful spirit. Hey, I think deep down inside Santa's lap has always been a turn on to many guys. And those shiny boots, well a guy in big boots is certain to have a big heart.

Trust Daddy Santa's helpers to find out who has been naughty as well as nice. And let them know that yes, it is equally great giving as well as receiving.

In the true Holiday spirit, I want to give all you hot studs big, warm hairy muscle hugs. I wish for everyone inner happiness, love with their special man, and passionate smooches under the mistletoe. While Daddy Santa may wear the big boots, it's you guys out there who everyday make the world a better place to be.

What's In Your Wallet and How to Keep More of It There

It's that time of year when Madison Avenue advertisers want us to unload our cash, max out our credit cards, all for the sake of spending our hard earned income.

Time and time again, we fall for this, and usually end up miserable with piles of bills to pay off.

I tell you guys, you don't have to "shop til you drop" this year.

I have cut out unnecessary spending, learning to do so last year at this time while I was mending from my operation. Not everyone needs more sweaters. So how about one sexy item like a hot jock or a pair of sexy briefs. And always add some customer service to the gift. Helping the guy try on his Christmas present is half the fun. Both the giver and the receiver are sharing in the spirit of the season.

I do know that Lance Bass' Christmas list is down by one, so is Reichen's. Too bad for these boys. It just wasn't meant to be.

Also take care where to wear your wallet in public during this high season of pickpockets. And NEVER, NEVER bring a wallet out to the bars. Only take enough cash for cab fare, and drinks and tips. And of course, your ID or driver's license. And if you must wear a wallet, put it in your front pocket. Hey, unless you're in good company like this cowboy in the above photo, it's wise to not have your wallet in a place where it could be easily grabbed and stolen. Besides, having empty back pockets in jeans, especially, allows you to show off those hot butt cheeks. WOOF.

Just wanted to share some sane tips to make your Christmas holiday a pleasant one. It's really a time to celebrate the true meaning, embrace your hot man and let him know how much you cherish him, not just on Christmas, but everyday.

P.S. Any thoughts on what to do with those candy canes that seem to end up in everybody's Christmas stocking? Well, forget those skinny ones. If you must give them, get ones that are thicker and bigger, so they are less likely to break. Used the correct way, candy canes can be a pleasurable treat, both by the fireplace or under the mistletoe. Now that's what I call celebrating the spirit of the season.

World AIDS Day and the Reason To Play Safe

Today we take time out to reflect on AIDS, how it has affected our lives as gay men, who it has killed, and why we should always play safe.

What I think about most is all of our gay brothers who have died or are living with AIDS. I miss those you have died, and I cherish those who are living proudly and passionately as HIV positive men.

If I could grant one wish today, it would be for AIDS to be wiped off the face of the Earth. But I know that is a selfish wish. But still, in our daily lives, we can make sure that AIDS is something that we can prevent. Safer sex is definitely one way. Also being honest with our partners is yet another way.

Only we as responsible gay men can beat AIDS and keep it from spreading among our tribe.

So today we remember those who have died, we can pledge to continue the fight against the spread of AIDS in our lives. Playing safe, and being responsible for ourselves and our partners, are the best defenses against AIDS.

One day, hopefully, we will not have reason for a World AIDS Day. Until then, each of us can never let down our guard. Together we can make progress in the fight, the fight that will be won, and make sure that those lives lost were not lost in vain.

My Annual Review of the Hottest Beefcake Calendars

Guys, as I have always done in the past, I am previewing some of the hottest male calendars for 2007.

The top ones are from Titan Men and Raging Stallions. Of the next four, two are from the Calendar Cops 2007, one from BearMen and the drawing from Michael Breyette.

Michael Breyette, an openly gay artist, is one of the best artists I have ever seen. His fantastic artwork about the nude male body shows passionate, uninhibited men enjoying each other to the fullest.

There are probably many more out there that I have missed. If you have favorites, let me know. If you live near an area that sells these calendars, wait until after Christmas. These calendars do go on sale for half price.

You guys are all my calendar men. Big hairy muscle hugs and WOOFS.

Saluting Our Men in the Armed Forces on this Veteran's Day

Maybe our troops in Iraq may be coming home sooner now that e Tuesday's election results have mandated a change in policy.

And hopefully someday, our gay soldiers can fight as open and proud men, who won't be hounded by that stupid, "don't ask, don't tell" policy. I really hate Sam Nunn for ever initiating such a dum fuck policy.

Thought I'd celebrate by posting and sharing some hunky military photos. Have a great Veteran's Day weekend. While you're out this weekend, walk up and give a gay veteran a big hug. That's the best way I know to support our troops.

Ageism and Wisdom: What the Bois Are Missing

The following is from an article published in November 3rd's Washington Blade:
Jokes of being "gay-dead" at 40 were funny until the line was pushed back to 30 and finally 25, reducing the number of gay dating years to about 10, assuming you're lucky enough to come out during high school.
Sensing that the generation gap was in danger of turning into a canyon, members of local gay community group the D.C. Center decided to introduce an intergenerational discussion group, "Twinks and Geezers," to foster better dialogue between older and younger gay men. A series of talks in locations around D.C. address issues of ageism, and the first event, held Oct. 24, the same night as the annual High Heel Race, attracted 18 people of varying ages and ethnicities.
"It's human nature to form into groups with people that are like you," says Adam Smith, 23, who helped organize the workshop series. "Forming friendships with people who aren't like you is important, which is why it's good to have these cross-generational relationships."
Plenty of barriers to creating intergenerational relationships exist, however. A host of factors, including biases, youth worship and fear of cultural reaction, play into ageism among gay men and lesbians.
The idea of being "gay dead" at 25 is an example of the accelerated aging perception that affects gay men in particular, says Ken South, 60, who is a member of the Center's elder outreach committee and who has worked extensively on the issue of ageism among gays.
"Gay men, especially single gay men who are approaching 40, think it's the end of their life and start acting like they're 80," South says. "The whole idea of being an old gay man strikes terror in the hearts of most gay men. They don't even want to talk about it. They don't want to think about it. It's just so real. There's such incredible association in the gay male community with youth and beauty. It just permeates everything.
"When was the last time a circuit party gave a discount for seniors? If a group of 10 guys in their 80s walked into those places, people would probably get ill."
While most people might be under the impression that only the vain gay "boiz" suffer from this image crisis, think again. Another thing about assimilating into mainstream culture, unfortunately, is that it assimilates into you.
MENTORING IS AN important relationship that helps younger people to learn from and emulate adults who aren't their parents. This can be especially critical among gay men and lesbians who don't always have the benefit of parental acceptance, but some gay men say that the opportunities for traditional mentorship roles have declined in recent years.
"When I was growing up, there were a lot of older gay men that were sort of there," says Lorenzo Taylor, 50, who attended the first workshop for Twinks and Geezers. He was surprised to learn that much of the gay connection that younger men have is fostered through the internet.
"That felt kind of sad to me — their connection to the gay community being through online communication rather than an oral legacy," says Taylor. "The other thing that sort of surprises us, too, is that there's no place in the gay community for mentoring."
Bruce Weiss, 39, who attended the Oct. 24 workshop and is also executive director of the Sexual Youth Minority Assistance League, a local gay youth group, says that fears of societal rebuke for interacting with young people has added to the dearth of mentoring opportunities.
"Some people have had a fear about serving youth because they didn't want to be perceived as trying to get young people to turn gay," says Weiss.
SMYAL policies for adult volunteers are very strict, demonstrating the delicate care working with gay youth requires.
"We don't have that fear because we're doing this work regardless of what others may think, but we are very mindful of the risks and very cautious of having any adults working with young people," Weiss says.
Among gay men, eradicating bias about the motivations of mentoring relationships is an essential part of working against ageism.
"The issues of ageism are so insidious in the community — the general community, American society — but in the LGBT community it's especially insidious," says the Center's South.
Among gay men, some of the barriers between the generations involve a concern from younger men that older men are only interested in them as potential sex partners.
"If you're in a bar situation, you're going to think, 'Oh, there's this old guy hitting on me,' when that's not necessarily the case," says Smith.
Some of this disconnect could have been caused by the AIDS epidemic. With the staggering loss of gay men to AIDS throughout the '80s and '90s, an entire generation of gay men was virtually wiped out, leaving the upcoming youth frequently without guidance or a variety of interaction with older men.
"I certainly think the ageism among gay men would have been tempered if we hadn't lost the generation that we did because of AIDS," says Marcy Adelman, who did seminal work on gay aging in the '70s, including her involvement with the National Institute of Mental Health's first study on gay aging in 1975.
Groups like Twinks and Geezers aim to bridge the gap between generations.
"This program doesn't surprise me," Adelman says about Twinks and Geezers. "I think it's a part of that change that's happening."
Others see bridging the divide between old and young as key to forwarding the gay rights movement.
"I think we're kind of where we were at the movement about 15 years ago when we finally recognized our LGBT youth and brought them into our movement," says Moli Steinert, 54, who runs Open House, a non-profit gay and lesbian senior residential community based in San Francisco. "It's not until we recognize our elders that we can really truly call ourselves family. It's a necessary step in our own maturity as a movement to do that."
I think these guys are onto something. We were all twinks for a short period of our gay lives. At that time, we didn't want to be pawed by some "old" dude. But now for us over 40, we are the "old dudes". So what goes around, comes around.
But I think this time things could be different. We got the net, we got dozens of places like MySpace and LiveJournal to connect and make buddies, young and old.
How we do this, is set an example. Life is too short to fuck it up. Younger gay guys somehow got to learn from their gay life experiences. We can be there for them to make their transition a little less painful and a whole lot more enjoyable.
I'd like to hear your views on this. This isn't a Man-Boy Love thing we are talking about here. It is about sharing experience. But first we "daddies" have to prove ourselves worthy of such mentoring. We have to have our "shit together". And we have to wait for younger guys to ask us, not impose and inflict our "wisdom" on them. Yes this is nuturing, and yes, this is being patient, but hey, we're here to be helpful and yes, to provide that strong shoulder to lean on, but not wean on.

They Hate Us, They Love Us. This is All Very Confusing

My recent posts have dealt with strides we have made by coming out of the closet, as well as clout we have earned as role models. But yet we get bashed and raped. Here's the details.

FBI reports, though anti-gay crime accounts for 14.2 percent of reported incidents.

Hate crimes in the United States dropped last year by 6 percent, the FBI reported, though hate crimes based on sexual orientation accounted for 14.2 percent of reported incidents.

More than half of all hate crimes were triggered by victims' race, with religion coming in a distant second, the FBI reported Monday, but Joe Solmonese, president of the Human Rights Campaign, noted that changes in federal law sought by gay activists would more accurately reflect the extent of anti-LGBT violence.

"Sexual orientation remains the third-highest recorded bias crime in our country, which underscores that anti-gay hate crimes are a very real problem nationwide," Solmonese said Tuesday in a written statement.

The highest percentage of anti-gay attacks in the 16 years the FBI has tracked them was in 2002, when 16.7 percent of the nation's hate crimes targeted people based on their perceived orientation.

Victim-advocate groups, such as the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs, contend that the number of attacks against gays is much higher.

The Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act, passed in September 2005 by the House but becalmed in the Senate, would update federal hate crimes statutes to include sexual orientation, gender identity and disability.

"The numbers of anti-gay hate crimes also indicate the need for state and local governments to do more to prevent and investigate hate crimes. Bias-motivated crimes require a comprehensive response at every level of government," Solmonese said.

The vast majority of hate crimes in both 2004 and 2005were motivated by race, according to the reports, which detailed the data based on so-called "single-bias" incidents. That means the crime was motivated by only one kind of bias against the victim, according to the FBI.

Victims were assaulted in more than half -- 50.7 percent -- of the hate crime cases against people. Six people were murdered and another three were raped in reported hate crimes last year. The rest of the victims -- 48.9 percent -- were intimidated, the report shows.

The FBI also looked at hate crime incidents that targeted property, with 81.3 percent of cases resulting in damage, destruction or vandalism. Sixty percent of the known offenders in 2005 were white, and 20 percent were black, the report showed.

The data was collected from city, county, state, tribal and federal law enforcement agencies across the United States.

More:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/po/20061018/co_po/fbireleasesantigayhatecrimedata

The last crime, intimidation, affects us as a whole, the most. I have faced it, and I have dealt with it. When faced with it personally, I get mad and defiant. Have any of you faced public intimidation for being gay in your daily lives? It can be unsettling, but as long as it is verbal, it can be dealt with.

Swinging the Closet Door Wide Open

C alifornia researcher Gary Gates has been hearing things lately:
Lots of closet doors opening like never before -- and in places where most gay folks five years ago were too wary of government census takers to acknowledge being in a same-sex relationship.
"The closet door is really opening. That's especially true in the Midwest," says Gates, author of a fascinating study based on the newly released 2005 American Community Survey -- a sort of mini-Census -- and the National Survey of Family Growth, both conducted by the federal government.
Overall, the number of same-sex couples identifying themselves to the government soared 30 percent in five short years -- to 776,943. To put that in perspective, the U.S. population grew 6 percent in that period.
The biggest jumps in self-reporting by gay couples were largely in America's heartland: Take for example, Wisconsin, which surged 81 percent in the number of same-sex couples living together; Ohio 62 percent; and Michigan 48 percent.
While more gay folks may be settling down into committed relationships, the biggest factor driving the increases, Gates bets, is that more gay couples are comfortably out.
And the survey results suggest that anti-gay marriage drives are having a wonderful unintended consequence: They're emboldening more of us to stand up and be counted. Six of the eight states with an anti-gay marriage initiative on this year's ballot -- Arizona, Colorado, South Carolina, Tennessee, Virginia and Wisconsin -- saw rate jumps higher than the 30 percent national average.
"Do some people get afraid and go back into the closet? Sure," says Gates of the Williams Institute. "But that is offset substantially by people who get angry and say, 'Hey, you are talking about me!'"
Because the Family Growth survey found that 4.1 percent of adults identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual, Gates estimates that those of us who're gay Americans now number 8.8 million. (To find out more about a place's gay population, read Gates' study by Googling the Williams Institute.)
Meanwhile, a new New York Times poll underscores that as more gay people feel comfortable enough to come out, society grows more accepting -- and vice versa.
The Times asked whether "being homosexual is something people choose to be, or … something they cannot change?"
For the first time in the 13 years the Times has asked, the "cannot change" view rose above 50 percent: By 53-34 percent, Americans say being gay can't be changed, compared with 43-44 percent in 1993.
The Times also asked whether "you think homosexual relations between adults are morally wrong … OK … or don't you care much either way?" Those saying "morally wrong" is down to 37 percent from 55 percent in 1993. The combined "OK" and "don't care" has leaped to 61 percent from 42 percent 13 years ago.
Our nation is progressing toward a healthy understanding that being gay is like lefthandedness--not a choice, not wrong, just a reality for millions.
And Gates is working to see whether being in a coupled relationship is as positive for gays and as for married heterosexuals in terms of such things as lower rates of depression: "Preliminarily, we are finding that gay people get similar positive benefits."

So all of this just proves that if a closeted politician really wants to come out and proud, that he/she can do so. The more of us who are out, the more easily it is for us to win our hard fought rights to marry and live equally. Now, wouldn't that be a great day.

Playing the Gay Card and Being Dealt a Bad Hand

I haven't quoted a favorite magazine of mine, "Details" in a long time.

The current issue contains two gay themed articles.

The first one, while I never thought about it, talks about gay guys who get themselves into a corner, verbally more than anything else, and con the straight person into not thinking harshly of them, because they are gay. They are asking for sympathy, because they are gay. That is definitely a new one on me.

The second article is more compeling. Written by that "running with scissors" dude, Augusten Burroughs, he focuses on all the shit we as gay men take on the airwaves and in the media.

The new Martin Scorsese flick, The Departed, loves making references to fags and queers. So what else is new, in a macho movie. We get verbally assaulted each day by those who manipulate the airwaves. Now with the Foley shit, we are again referred to as depraved, immoral, dangerous, and as a whole, a threat both to children and to the sanctity of marriage.

But when something bad happens in the gay community, such as gay bashing, it seems that the media doesn't really care. They never seem to report the inequity of the current system. They feel, so what if the system prevents us from seeing our loved ones in hospitals; big deal for those who have adopted children live in fear that someone might take them away. Augusten makes a very valid point, ". . . if gay people were fully accepted and respected, then their (our) torture and murder would matter a great deal to people in the United States".

If we are liked at all, it's because some of us can tell great jokes and are witty. But face it, if we are perceived as "queeny" or shishy, we find ourselves not taken very seriously by straight society. So for the most part, we just have to take it, shut up, and go along with our lives.

I guess this is the state of gay life these days, a sobering reality. We shall see the fallout of the Foley scandals. If nothing else, a change in party politics might be of some long term benefit to our cause. Throwing out some of radical right wing politicians such as Santorum, might be to our advantage in the future. Let's hope that some small change results, and the hatred spewing jerks that run Washington might be replaced by a kinder, gentler politician.

I know we live in the here and now, but how about the prospect of a Gay Jewish President in the future? While I have not read, David Levithan's Wide Awake, it begins in the near future with the election of Abraham Stein, the first gay Jewish president. This is a surprising follow-up for an author whose debut, Boy Meets Boy, was heralded by Booklist as a "revolution in the publishing of gay-themed books for adolescents." That novel imagined a high school romance remarkably free of coming-out angst, and was selected by the American Library Association as one of 2004's Best Books for Young Adults.

Nextbook, a super site, recently interviewed David Levithan, and I have taken some of that review and posted it here.

"Wide Awake centers on another high school relationship, this one between Duncan and Jimmy, who've progressed well beyond their first kiss. It's also a novel about growing pains: teenagers struggling to refine, and stand by, their beliefs—personal, sexual, spiritual, and political—and a country trying to do the same. A few chapters in, Stein's supporters are still celebrating when opponents call the electoral results into question—a turn of events which creates doubts about Duncan and Jimmy's relationship, too. Soon they're both headed to Kansas, with a bus full of protesters, among them Elwood, a 12-year-old whose Christian parents won't let him have a bar mitzvah; Janna and Mandy, a pair of progressive "Jesus Freaks;" and a few adults old enough to remember that "the good old days needed a lot of improvement."

So maybe David is on to something. It sure would be nice to see a future President's husband giving his spouse in public big hairy muscle hugs of support and congratulations. Now that would be an ideal world. Definitely worth thinking about.

The Really Weird, The "Not So" Weird, and "The Winner Is , . ."

It has been quite a zainy week. To take the edge off of everything, here are some stories that might amuse you.

THE REALLY WEIRD

Our buddy, Dan Savage, answers a gay reader who is facing something I don't think we as gay men usually encounter.

Q. My background: I'm a gay man; I recently came out to my friends, mostly because I met someone with whom I wanted to pursue a relationship.

Eight months later, despite a few indiscretions on both our parts, I'm happy as can be. But I don't think we're in the same place emotionally. I need him well, actually I neeeeed him and he "needs his space."

Here's where the story gets on your nerves . . .

His prior "indiscretion" was with a German shepherd. I have no problems with his zoophilia per se, except that we have an almost nonexistent sex life. I wouldn't mind this aside from a few issues. First, he still masturbates. Second, he lied about it. Third, the very few times we have engaged in sex, he only receives, and it upsets me when he tries to maneuver us into a doggy-style position.

He is in therapy and it seems to be helping, but the more therapy he goes to, the less time he seems to want to spend with me. I love him and can't bear to think of us parting. I want to have sex with him, but I want to respect his boundaries. But how do I know when I've given him enough space, and how do I get him to want to spend more time with me? Am I right for giving him space? Or should I be more forceful in my pursuit? Not a German Shepherd

PS: Is his zoophilia relevant? I don't think it is, because I love him despite his attraction to canines. And I'm 24, while he is somewhere between 26 and 29. I don't really care about his age. The first time we exchanged ages he said 26, but his driver's license has a 1976 DOB on it.

A. Let's quickly review your case: The man you've fallen in love with likes to fuck dogs (or be fucked by dogs); doesn't much like being fucked by you (except in the doggy position); "needs his space" (in order to fuck dogs, no doubt); and lies to you about his masturbatory routine, age, and God only knows what else. The one thing he hasn't lied to you about is the dog fucking that little detail he's only too willing to share.

So yeah, NAGS, I'd say there's a problem here but you're the problem, not him.

Look, NAGS, I feel for you; I've been there. Well, not there I've never been with a dog fucker, I'm happy to report. But I have allowed myself to fall hopelessly in love with guys who were completely fucked-up. And here's what I learned: Sometimes we fall in love with people who, for whatever reason, simply aren't healthy enough to love us back. When you realize that you're falling in love with a hopeless mess, NAGS, you don't hang in there, hoping that your love will cure him. It won't. Love is great, love is grand, but love ain't chemotherapy it's not going to magically turn some sick fucker into a healthy fucker.

For the sake of your own self-esteem, dump the dog fucker before he dumps you. Trust me, NAGS, you don't want to look in the mirror every morning and think to yourself, "There's the guy who wasn't good enough for a dog fucker."

I think Dan's answer was right on target. But why did he let the relationship last this long? No guy can be that needy.
* * *
The next post, The Not So Weird, comes from downunder. The Aussies just love their Priscilla, and now, a musical begets the movie. It's refreshing to read that gay roles are being filled by gay men.

N HIS SHOES by John Burfitt

Priscilla star Daniel Scott DANIEL SCOTT SAYS HIS OWN YEARS ON THE GAY SCENE HAVE PROVED VALUABLE IN GETTING INTO THE ICONIC ROLE OF FELICIA IN PRISCILLA, QUEEN OF THE DESERT. In 1994, Guy Pearce slipped into a frock and pair of high heels for the movie The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, and in doing so, changed his career forever. By doing the same thing for the same role in the new stage version, it looks likely that Daniel Scott is about to see his career change in very similar ways. Having spent the past few years playing cameo and chorus roles on stage, slipping into the dual personas of bitchy scene queen Adam and his drag alter-ego Felicia Jolly-Goodfellow in Priscilla, Queen of the Desert has propelled Scott into leading man status – even if he is wearing high heels for most of the time. Not that Scott seems to have any complaints. He has recently starred as Neil Tennant in Dusty – the Original Pop Diva and as Johnny O’Keefe in a revival of Shout!, but now he is sitting in his dressing room at the Lyric Theatre, chatting with the Star while waiting for a pair of pencil-heeled stiletto heels to arrive. Scott admits, a little anxiously, that once the new pumps arrive, he has only a matter of days to master how to dance in them before the show makes its world premiere on Saturday. But it seems the 29-year-old actor has a good eye and picked up tips from his years on Sydney’s gay scene as both a barman and a former party boy. “It is quite ironic that of all the people who should get to play Felicia, it is me,” he says. “I have known a number of drag queens for years and they have helped me and inspired me along the way, but I always said drag has never really been my thing. “I did drag a couple of times before, once for a charity event and for someone’s birthday, but that really was it. But I have always watched to see how they do it. “When we started work on Priscilla, someone came in to show the cast how to walk in heels. I surprised myself as I found it really quite easy – it is all a matter of good balance.” As Adam-Felicia in Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, Scott plays the fiery, bitchy one of the trio of gender benders crossing the country as they head to a gig in Alice Springs. Scott sashays across the stage in a number of fancy frocks, fires out a succession of bitchy one-liners, and makes the best entrance in the show for his Mardi Gras-style production number of the Bananarama dance classic, Venus. But Sydney-born Scott insists that his character is more than just high heels and stinging put-downs. “I have taken little bits of all the Adams I have known from the past 15 years of my own life,” Scott says. “Being a gay man myself, I remember coming out and going on my journey. All the people I have met who are like Adam are incredibly insecure, not sure who they are and trying to figure everything out. “Adam is still figuring out his identity and persona, and we show him on that journey until he gets to a point of realisation and then he does make a change. He is very much at a point where he is saying, ‘You must accept me like this’. “I think it is interesting that I don’t tuck at all in the show - it is all done with codpieces and skirts. And that is Adam – he is very much, ‘I am a boy in a wig and a dress and I am hot’!” With a knock on his dressing room door, it seems the new high heels have finally arrived. Before disappearing into the wardrobe department, Scott offers one final insight into his character, “He might do all the showgirl stuff, but you might still be at Manacle at 10 early on a Monday morning! I think we have all been a bit like Adam.” Daniel should go far. He seems to be very comfortable playing this role. Hope we see more of him in the future, outside of drag. * * * Finally, The Winner Is . . . Mr. Gay UK 2006 was recently crowned. The hottie is a real cop. Go figure that. Police officer crowned Mr. Gay U.K. (That's his winning photo above) He’s a bobby dazzler! A West Yorkshire policeman has been crowned Mr. Gay U.K. 2006. Mark Carter, 23, was voted Britain’s sexiest gay man at Blackpool’s Flamingo Club. About 50 of his colleagues were there to cheer him on—in T-shirts bearing his picture—and he had the full backing of West Yorkshire Police in taking part in the contest. As one of 23 regional finalists, he stripped down to a skimpy swimsuit to reveal his tanned, toned body to celebrity judges including Big Brother’s Lea, Su Pollard, Rowetta, and Anita Dobson. He also appeared in a police-style outfit including a stab-proof vest during a “dress to impress” section. “I am absolutely 100% over the moon," Carter said. "Two years ago I used to cry myself to sleep at night, I was so daunted by the prospect of coming out, but when I did, it was the best thing ever. I was so happy I could finally be myself. “I came from a very straight background and upbringing, I played football, I was a sports captain, I had girlfriends," Carter continued. "I thought telling people I was gay would mean no one would want to know me, but at the Mr. Gay U.K. final I had more people together, supporting me, in one place, than I’ve ever had in my life.” Carter’s colleague Maureen Hales, one of the party who came along in matching T-shirts bearing his photograph, said, “Mark is great. I knew he’d win, he’s so down-to-earth. He’s lovely.” Carter, who lives in Bradford, won £5,000 in prizes and will embark on a year of personal appearances and photo shoots. He was representing Birmingham in the contest after winning the city’s regional heat at the Nightingale club on a night out. Carter came out to his colleagues a couple of months after he joined the police force and says he’s had support from the people he works with. Mr. Gay U.K. is chosen via text votes and on-the-night voting, on the basis of looks, personality, and "x-factor." “Mark is a great example of a young gay man achieving his goals in life," said competition organizer Terry George, adding, "If anyone assumed it was just bimbos that entered competitions like this, Mark’s proving them wrong.” (Gay.com/U.K.) So a really nice guy can win it all. Congratulations Mark.

---

Labels Can Be Deceiving

The following is an article from this week's Washington Blade.

10 percent of straight men report having gay sex

By JOSHUA LYNSEN Friday, September 29, 2006
Men who say they are straight might actually be gay, a new survey suggests.
The survey, conducted by the New York City Health Department and published this month, shows 61 percent of men who have sex with men identify themselves publicly as straight.
Medical experts said the findings show that labels like “straight” or “gay” are often inadequate or inaccurate.
“You cannot rely on self-identification to ascertain somebody’s sexual practices and who their partners are,” said Dr. Luke Johnsen, acting medical director of the Whitman-Walker Clinic in Washington, D.C.
Among the survey’s 2,898 sexually active participants, about 9 percent identified themselves in a way that was inconsistent with their sexual behavior.
“The results of the study, to me and other people who work with LGBT health, is not a surprise,” Johnsen said. “Self-identification is based on a lot more than just the gender of the person you have sex with.”
Experts said cultural, family and religious expectations all influence how people identify publicly.
Dr. Randy Pumphrey, a counselor who works with gay clients at the Lambda Center in Washington, noted the survey found discordance most frequently among African Americans and Latinos.
“It tells me that at some level, culture plays a part of this,” he said, “and that there may be cultural prerogatives that say to a person ‘I can only identify as heterosexual even though my behavior is homosexual.’”

Down-low documented

Pumphrey said the study revealed fresh evidence of “the phenomenon of the down-low experience.”
The practice — in which men who identify as straight surreptitiously pursue gay sex — was found within the survey results. Among the 2,735 men who identified as straight, nearly 10 percent had sex with a man during the preceding year.
The survey’s lead author said these men were given the opportunity to identify as gay or bisexual, but insisted on being classified as straight.
“There’s probably some stigma at play,” said Dr. Preeti Pathela of the New York City Health Department. “It’s really a sensitive issue for many men.”
Johnsen said some men might have insisted on the straight identity because they genuinely don’t see their behaviors as homosexual. He noted that among some cultures, a man is only considered gay if he engages in receptive anal sex.
“For other people, there is internalized homophobia,” he said. “If I don’t say it, I am not.”
Pumphrey said the men might be working toward reconciling their heterosexual identity and homosexual behavior.
“When we think about a person coming out within the gay community, and moving from the place where they believe they were heterosexual to a place where they identify as gay, that journey involves many steps to reach self acceptance,” he said. “So there are places along the way where the person may be inconsistent with how they see themselves.”
But experts said that transitional period is a dangerous time, as those men are less likely to practice safe sex.
“When there is discordance between identity and behavior, people are less apt to stop and think, or take safe measures,” Pumphrey said, “because to do so would mean to acknowledge what the self is doing.”

Medical repercussions

The disconnect between identity and behavior has other medical repercussions.
Johnsen said gay men who insist on maintaining straight identities — and straight men that don’t tell a doctor about any homosexual experiences — might not receive the tests or treatments they need.
“It’s part of your health and well being,” he said. “It shouldn’t be stigmatized.”
Johnsen said men must be open and honest with their doctors. He also encouraged doctors to ask non-confrontational, open-ended questions.
He said rather than ask for a sexual identity, doctors should inquire whether the patient had been sexually active. Ensuing questions would separately pursue a patient’s sexual experiences with men and women.
Pumphrey said such questions are used routinely by providers serving gay clients, but are not yet standard practice for general providers.

The closet continues to exist. You'd think it was 1956 instead of 2006. Denying who you are, being deceitful, are traits of a guy who just can't accept himself.

This continues the theme of my last post. Not being truthful, hiding being gay, and probably not practicing safer sex, all these elements are a recipe for unhappiness and disappointment.

I am so happy that you guys are hot, sexy, and comfortable with who you are. These closeted guys just don't know what they are missing. I know it takes a lot of guts to step out of the closet, but the emotional consequences for staying in, far outweigh the happiness and relief you experience once you're free of the lie. For that, I am grateful.