Straight Men Playing Their Gay Card for Financial Benefit

This just in from Out Magazine. It seems that various straight men love flirting with us. Yes, they seem to want to get into our wallets, and if it means getting into our pants, then they are up to the challenge.

One of the members of the rock bank, Grizzly Bear, loves to hit on gay men. When he's in a homocentric situation, ( a nifty catch phrase I haven't come across before), he feels that he needs to fit in more, so he lays it on. For him, flirting opens up the gate.

Party promoters, journalists, those weird European men, it seems that they appear to be putting on a convincing front. So these guys spill their guts to the author, Will Doig, and most of those guys interviewed for the article admit to being horny. And they like the attention. They feel, if they are so hot, then they can be attractive in either world.

So, guys, are these sluts bisexual, closet gay men, or just guys who like to have guys hit on them, for sport and financial gain? I think these guys are hiding something. Being blunt, they appear to be messed up fucks. I wouldn't waste a hairy muscle hug on any of them.

What Guys Are Truly Missing When They Only Cruise the "Cover"

The following is exerpted from an article appearing at http://www.edgephiladelphia.com

Tim Bergling is the Margaret Mead of the tribal rituals, customs, and psycho-sexual behavior of gay men. The author of Sissyphobia: Gay men and Effeminate Behavior, Reeling in the Years: Gay Men’s Perspectives on Age and Ageism, and his latest, Chasing Adonis, looks at the cult and illusion of male beauty. Through interviews and polling, Bergling collates and dissects the raw data on the gay male pecking order.

Bergling’s research is more anecdotal than scientific, but there is something to be said for keeping it real with unorthodox field work. Scrap anthropological methodology; Adonis is part John Rechy and part Sex and the City. This volume is a survival guide for the sex romps of Fire Island, the local parks and truckstops, and the bathhouses, mostly past, from the meat racks to the cloths racks, the gyms, the bars, the Halls of Congress, and all points inbetween.

Of course, much of this reflects what is on the GLBT codes-and-conduct, hard-wired gaydar, with individual tweaks, that Bergling seeks to speciously, validate, if not prove. The real fun is Bergling’s collection of tales of elusive encounters with beautiful men - the mythic gardener, the swim god, the ripe go-go boy at Tracks, a now closed DC gay disco, and all those elusive Adonises that have blipped across various beaten-down paths. Bergling has practical advice about gay mating dances - from hook-ups to dating etiquette - and any attendant head games. Passages on how to be rejected with dignity, or reject someone delicately, for instance, can serve as a ’how to’ manual to avoid seduction missteps.

The chapter on body types wittily reads like old Charles Atlas testimonials of weight lifting, but completely uninhibited from a homo point of view. Thankfully, it isn’t cutesy, a la Queer Eye. But, like Narcissus, obsession with the body becomes as shallow in the mind as the broken image in the water. Berling even relates a personal story about a ’hands on’ assignment for Instinct Magazine about masterbating in cyberspace.

And so, through the author, you learn in reading this book, "Who's a dude or dud?" Didn’t Cosmopolitan conduct the same survey in the 70s (or was that After Dark?) (God, this guy really did his research) He even devotes an entire chapter, titled, "Survey Says," with results on pie-charts from a cross section of gay men on what they find as hot or not.

Case in point: a chart divided into slices marked with legends like, I do not exercise; I exercise, but don’t belong to any gym; I go to a gym to work out; I go to the gym to check out other guys; I go to the gym to work out, and to check out other guys. Some charts track trends as relevant as the percentage of men who were fat once and then lost weight (and visa versa). We all have our types, such as "I like guys with fuzzy bodies, lots of body hair," and as crucial as the percentage of men who say, "I like guys with a lot of muscle. Deep...dense... tissue, here.

At its best, Adonis’ stories about what drives gay male libido makes it an erotic journey about queer male sexual energy. Not to mock the sincerity of the shallowness of gay male obsession with the body, which, as Bergling proves, can be mind-numbingly profound. Bergling write in a witty manner that he allows the reader to expose himself to why, for the most part, gay men are so shallow.

It is really a shame that gay guys look only at the surface. Oh what they are missing. I too sometimes get carried away by the flesh. (Hell, I post those hottie pix above to get your attention). But being superficial isn't going to get you the man of your dreams. Yea, its nice to see a hot guy shirtless, and beefy. But can he be passionate, hot in the sack, and make a mean french toast in the morning? Guys who waste away their lives looking for Adonis will be left with an empty life. There is something hot about any guy. You just have to invest time to explore those hidden gems.

There Goes The Gayborhood

Community activists worry that "gayborhoods" are losing their relevance as gays win legal rights and greater social acceptance.

"Thirty years ago, if I lived in the Midwest and I was gay, my thought was I would go to San Francisco or New York," says Gary Gates, a demographer for the Williams Institute, a think tank at UCLA that specializes in sexual orientation and the law. "Now, a person can go to Kansas City and find a fairly active and open gay community."

In fact, from 2000 to 2005, the 10 states with the biggest increases in the percentage of gay couples were all in the Midwest, Gates said. Sandy Sachs, a nightclub owner in gay-friendly West Hollywood, has started promoting special dance nights for straight Iranians, Israelis and Russians because her gay clientele has fallen off. Sachs said that many gay men and lesbians now prefer to meet potential partners on the Internet.

Another factor contributing to the decline of gay neighborhoods: Many young gays feel comfortable mixing with people of different genders and sexual orientations. "We don't want to ostracize ourselves," said Matty, 20, who moved to San Francisco's diverse Mission District from nearby Petaluma three years ago. Activists agree it is a good thing that gay people no longer feel confined to the Castro, but some fear younger generations will overlook their history. "We have Chinatown and Japantown and so forth, and that's important for minority communities in this country, to have a place where they can get a sense of being the majority," said Joe Curtin, an architect who serves as president of Castro Area Planning Action. "But if you took those away, you would still have China and Japan. If the Castro goes away as a gay neighborhood, there is nowhere else. "

With ever rising real estate prices, maybe it is time for gay men to find other "gayborhoods" away from the main urban core. Older suburbs have many of the same features of larger downtown clusters. Maybe opening a bar in a community where there is cheap housing and access to jobs in the urban area, may be the new gay frontier. This exodus may already be happening. With a conservative figure of around 300,000 unmarried cohabitating male households and growing, this may well be the trend. Just think of the all male eye-candy landscaping the front lawns of suburbia as hunky guys tend to mowing and working in their yards. WOOF.

Gay Men and the Corporate Ladder. Do We Make Better Bosses?

According to this month's Details Magazine, a study has revealed that gay men do make better bosses and supervisors.

Why Gay Men Make the Best Bosses
America's most desirable managers all have one thing in common: homosexuality. —By Danielle Sacks—

Only three months into his senior manager gig at a Fortune 500 company, Matthew Klein was in way over his head. "I finally walked into my boss's office, threw my hands in the air, and said, 'I'm feeling totally overwhelmed and inadequate,'" he explains. "I basically had a breakdown." Many managers would have reacted to such a display by telling him to get back out there and grow a pair. But Klein's boss had the opposite reaction: First he reassured Klein he was doing a great job, then he helped him prioritize his workload so that it became manageable. "It's not like he's this fuzzy guy who would reach across the table and hug you in a meeting—he's tough as nails," says Klein of Robert Ollander-Krane, who is director of learning and development for the company. "But he allowed me to be completely honest about my circumstances. Now we have this huge foundation of trust."

Wouldn't that be nice—a boss who actually gave a damn. And while it's not conclusive, evidence suggests that one of the reasons Ollander-Krane is so effective is that he's part of a new breed—gay managers—who could be becoming America's most desirable bosses.

In The G Quotient: Why Gay Executives Are Excelling as Leaders . . . and What Every Manager Needs to Know, author and USC business-school professor Kirk Snyder argues that gay bosses embody a style of personalized attention that allows high-maintenance Gen Xers and Yers to maximize their performance. "Gay executives tend to look at how each individual brings unique abilities, and they see their job as figuring out how best to take advantage of those skills," he says.

In fact, during Snyder's five-year study of American executives, he stumbled on some startling findings: Gay male bosses produce 35 to 60 percent higher levels of employee engagement, satisfaction, and morale than straight bosses. This is no small achievement: According to human-resources consulting firm Towers Perrin, only a measly 14 percent of the global corporate workforce are fully engaged by their jobs. And the Saratoga Institute, a group that measures the effectiveness of HR departments, found that in a study of 20,000 workers who had quit their jobs, the primary motivator for jumping ship was their supervisors' behavior.
So what makes gay bosses different? It may have to do with the way they survived high school. "Gay people are constantly having to dodge and weave and assess how and where they're going as they grow up," says Snyder. "And that manifests itself as three huge skills: adaptability, intuitive communications, and creative problem-solving." In other words, your boss is cool with your leaving a little early one day a week to pick up your kid from school, or happy to offer a learning experience that helps you close a crucial deal.

Gay executives note that the reflection and candidness required for coming out mean that by the time they get to the workplace, gay men are often secure in their identity and don't feel the need to abuse people in order to boost their ego. "It makes you really honest with yourself and everyone around you," says Chris McCarthy, a vice president at MTV Networks who came out 10 years ago. He believes the experience has allowed him to tap into the individual needs of his seven team members, including two discontented employees whom he recently helped find new positions within the company. "I think it's really important that you give people the opportunity to have self-respect, even if that means helping them leave a job in the way they want to," he explains.

And this kind of empathetic management style is both gay and straight benefiting employees. When Brian Wachur, 23, wasn't getting the promotion he'd been waiting for at his D.C. PR firm, he approached his gay manager, Jason Smith. "I was nervous about what he was going to say, but he was able to tell me where I could improve in a really constructive way," he says. "It was a big contrast to other managers I had had in the past." Wachur soon got the new title, and he now considers Smith his professional mentor. "It's definitely surprising to me that I have a 38-year-old gay male in my life who is such a huge influence."

Matthew Klein says that working for a gay boss has taught him that emotionally honest doesn't equate to weak in the workplace. "Your typical hetero male is programmed as a boy that there are two emotions: angry and tired," he says. "These are gross limitations that restrict our ability to be great managers."

But being gay doesn't give you a monopoly on management skills. "The only managers that succeed are ones that have energy and are outgoing and interested," says Richard Laermer, the gay CEO of a New York-based PR firm and co-author of Punk Marketing: Get Off Your Ass and Join the Revolution. "If that's a gay thing, then mazel tov, but I know the same number of straight managers who are emotional and caring." And one gay vice president at a financial firm says his leadership traits come from his life history, not from anything related to his sexual orientation. "I was in the military, in a fraternity, and played a varsity sport," he says. "I feel like I spend my life explaining that what I'm saying or doing has nothing to do with the fact that I'm gay."

That said, if your new boss happens to be gay, chances are you'll be happier and more fulfilled in your job. And even if you're not, the consolation is that there's still one area in which he's likely to excel. Says Smith, "We throw the fiercest holiday parties."

I've been a manager, as well as have had managers. I feel that I am a good listener and a good judge of character. I think gay men do have certain characteristics that make them better bosses. But there are always the exception. In-the-closet types can be the bosses from hell. I had one of them, and he was a real prick. Also I hear that multi-billionaire businessman David Geffen can be a hard person to work for. But the head of Rolling Stone, Jann Wenner, is a great guy to work for, and a nurturing publisher.

Something related, one of the earliest gay character actors on TV has died. John Inman, who played Mr. Humphries on the classic Brit TV sitcom, "Are You Being Served?" died yesterday.

More from the advocate.com

Trailblazing gay actor John Inman dies

Actor John Inman, popular for his memorably camp role as Mr. Humphries in the '70s sitcom Are You Being Served?, died Thursday in London. He was 71.

Inman died in St Mary's Hospital in Paddington after suffering a hepatitis A infection.

His character's catchphrase, "I'm free," and suggestive sexual humor made Inman a star, and he starred in more than 40 pantos—traditional Yuletide family entertainments that include double entendres and male and female drag as well as lots of jokes for the kiddies.

Named BBC personality of the year and "Funniest Man on Television" by TV Times in 1976, Inman remained popular long after the show ended in 1985. He went on to star in an Australian version of the show in the early 1980s and also appeared on BBC's 2004 series Revolver.

Are You Being Served?, about a stuffy department store staffed by lovable eccentrics, reached the United States in the late 1980s, where it became a cult hit.

When publicly questioned about his sexuality, Inman remained coy for many years, but admitted that he could be bisexual.

However, in late 2005, Inman made his sexual orientation public when he entered into a civil partnership with his partner of 33 years, Ron Lynch. Lynch is said to be "devastated" by Inman's death.

Although Mr. Humphries was widely criticized as a gay stereotype, actress Rula Lenska, who worked with Inman, defended the gay undertones of the character.

"It was suggestive, but never in-your-face or aggressive. It had an innocent quality that you rarely find today," she told the BBC.

Inman "was a joy to work with, and even after an exhausting day in pantomime he would have time for the fans who crowded round the stage door," Lenska said. MY NOTE: GOSH, RULA LENSKA is still around?

Wendy Richard, who played shop assistant Miss Brahms in the series, told BBC Radio 4's Today program: "John was one of the wittiest and most inventive actors I've ever worked with. He was a brilliant, brilliant pantomime dame, and he was a very good all-round actor, really. He was a true professional."

Inman's manager, Phil Dale, said, "John was known and loved throughout the world. He was one of the best and finest pantomime dames working to capacity audiences throughout Britain. John was known for his comedy plays and farces, which were enjoyed from London's West End throughout the country and as far as Australia, Canada, and the USA."

George Broadhead, secretary of the Gay and Lesbian Humanist Association, told Gay.com that at the time of the show, "Inman became a bit of a bête noire for the gay community for promoting stereotypes of gay men as effeminate."

However, he said, "The gay community has grown up since then and has come to appreciate its trailblazers. Inman fits into the same mold as Larry Grayson and Frankie Howard. We can actually see reruns of Are You Being Served? and appreciate their zaniness now rather than cringing at stereotypes." (Hassan Mirza, Gay.com/U.K.)

I always enjoyed his character for comic relief, especially his interaction on the set in scenes with the character Mrs. Slocum and his eye movements when she mentioned her "pussy". I made sure I never acted like him. He will be missed.

Yet Another Gay Male Porn Star Tragedy

It saddens me to report that Brett Mycles, aka Rob Sager, died over the weekend of congestive heart failure. He was 29 years old.

Brett was a star of several porn flicks as well as a fitness model. He reportedly was gay-for-pay, an escort as well as bisexual. He had married his childhood sweetheart several years ago, but it was not known if she knew of his porn life, or was with him at his time of death.

There has been speculation that his premature death may have been caused by steroid use. I don't know if an autopsy was performed to confirm cause of death.

Brett had a large legion of gay fans who literally worshipped his body. They were devoted fans and very obsessed with him.

I know this will not be the last death of someone who was part of the gay porn industry. I also realize that steroid and drug use in the industry will continue, and for young guys in the porn industry, it will be anything but a wakeup call to change their lifestyles.

I don't know if Brett knew any other life than in front of the camera. He will never get to explore and experience maturity. He will never see life fulfilled in some way.

I don't believe that his fans and their expectations have such control over an individual that all that he lives for is their admiration. If that is the case, then we live in a very superficial world.

I feel that while it is great appreciating hot gay men, it is even more important that we value each other from both an inner and outer perspective. Indeed, genuine beauty and sexyness is much, much more that what lies on the surface. What makes a man truly hot is his brains, his compassion, his values, his virtues, and as an added bonus, his brawn. These so called "idols" need to realize that life can be cut short, and if you want to live a full life, you can't cheat life by destroying your body, or forever being a party boy and expect to live a full and happy life.

Sorry to Keep Revisting This Story, But It's Definitely Worth Repeating

Why Can't Guys Learn that "Tina" is a BITCH, and get her out of their lives?

The following is from a news item posted on the Washington Blade web site.

The Atlanta Meth Task Force convened the forum at Outwrite after several recent deaths of local crystal meth users. The emotional forum included testimony from Josh Williams’ brother, one of guys who recently died of an overdose in the Atlanta area, as well as from Tommy Varnador, who wept as he talked about the November overdose death of his partner, Joseph Myska.

“This drug fills a void in people — a sense of guilt, a sense of shame,” said Brian Dew, a professor at Georgia State University who leads the Atlanta Meth Task Force. “It’s seen as a perfect short-term solution to the feelings that are there.”Drawing attention to the harmful effects of meth is particularly challenging among gay men, Dew said.“I think that the gay community has been reluctant to address our own pitfalls, and I think we’re seeing it with drug use,” Dew said. “But we can no longer sit back because of what it’s doing and the impact that it’s having.”

Russell Beasley talked about how he and Josh Williams had a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” attitude in many parts of their friendship, including drug use. But instead of being inspired by a desire not to appear judgmental, the informal policy was a manifestation of both men’s fears that if his friend knew the truth about him, he would no longer love him and would leave.

Gay men can no longer afford to mask their insecurities through drugs or indifference, Beasley said.“In the old days, when we were fighting HIV, we were going out and we were doing AIDS education and we were fighting to save lives — it’s kind of the same thing,” Beasley. “We all need to go out, spread the word, let everybody know that meth equals death, and that there is healing that can be achieved from everything.”

Also participating in the Outwrite forum was Mark White, who talked about how he had a staunchly conservative disdain for drug use most of his life before going through a difficult break-up.Crystal meth use, however, led to White landing in jail on Thanksgiving Day as well as Tina-fueled sex romps that led him to becoming HIV positive.“I became very lonely, I began to shy away from some of the things that I never really dealt with — for example, being comfortable being gay,” White said. “I’m a shy person by nature, but on crystal I became very sociable, I felt very powerful, very confident and very sexual.”

Guys have to have will power. Can't they realize that a guy can be sexual without the so called enhancement of fatal drugs? Is it too much to ask that guys interact more with their brains than with the lure of drugs? Can't guys get a woody by just taking in the "woofyness" of another guy's pleasure?

Drugs just fuck up the pleasures of the sexual experience. If guys invested some time for foreplay, they'd realize that great sex and staying power can come naturally. Drawing this from within, can make sex between two men real, and rememberable.

I know you guys have strong opinions on the subject. I can't accept the fact that guys can be so lonely that their only recourse is to use crystal. We've already seen these cries played out daily by Britney and look what happened to Anna Nicole. So why are guys who can have it all, killing themselves for instant, at the moment, pleasure? Self esteem seems to be at an all time low.

Men Together. Should It Always Be about Sex?

Our old pal Andy Sullivan, is writing again about gay men showering with their straight buds in the gym and elsewhere. He tells us that while he might have been turned on by other men, straight men, in the shower, he always controlled his woody. I was surprised that Andy didn't start describing all of his shower encounters where guys "worshipped" his woody.

So I was curious about the opinions of other guys on the subject. The following is from a healthboard post about men showering together.

Here's one guy's opinion.

What is the big deal here. I have been showering at the gym for years and before that in college and before that in high school. There was always someone that I knew either as a friend or just an aquaintance in there with me. I admit that in junior high when I started taking showers after gym class the gang showers were a little intimidating but after a while you realize that most of the other guys are nervous too and then you all get used to it. Yes some guys have bigger or smaller equipment or flatter stomachs and bigger muscles. But you know what.... There is always going to be someone who is bigger or smaller or who has a better body. Be a man and have some confidence in yourself. Everyone looks you can't help it but 99.9999% of the guys in the shower could care less about what they see. They are just there to get clean and get out. As far as showering with your buddies as was mentioned in the original post, I say so what. You are all buddies and it is not like you are squeezing into a tiny shower stall together. There was room for 2 so I say go for it and don't make a big deal about it. If you can not be comfortable around your buddies where can you be comfortable.I have been in situations where I have had to share a bed with a buddy when we got stuck after a day of skiing and had to spend the night. There is nothing sexual about it - a guy has got to shower and sleep don't he.

So the communal showering ritual is just that. When guys shower in public, the unspoken rule is no hard-ons and no come-ons. When you invite a guy to your house, then the shower is considered a private venue. This is when showering together, man to man, becomes a totally pleasurable experience. One of the hottest examples of foreplay I know. Anyone care to comment?

Mega Hairy Muscle Valentine's Day Hugs

Well guys, as you know, Valentine's Day is my favorite holiday. I guess I have always been a closet cupid. I enjoy seeing guys together, loving each other, sharing their passion, their lives, making each other happy.

Even after that Snicker's Super Bowl commercial, I can think of nothing sexier than two guys sharing some delicious between their lips. Enjoying a creamy chocolate Dove bar or other treat maximizes the taste buds and makes for fun eating.

So guys, I want each of you to pledge to me that when Cupid's arrow strikes, and it will, that you hug that cute guy next to you, whisper sweet nothings in his ear, give some tongue action if appropriate, and make him feel like he never felt before. When he moans, you got him where you want him.

Have a super Valentine's Day full of affection and hot sizzling sex.

What's This With Gay Porn Stars and Their Vicious Killer Tempers

Straight from the headlines. Two stories about gay porn stars and their murderous deeds.

A sad state of affairs, especially when these guys are "gay for pay".


A former Falcon pornstar will be tried in US state Colorado for the murder of gay businessman John Paul Kelso. Police apprehended the accused Timothy Boham, 25, very near to the US/Mexico border back in November. Boham had fled state Colorado, where a warrant had been issued for his arrest. Boham is charged with first-degree murder and aggravated robbery. Boham, apparently straight and gay-for-pay, was known as Marcus Allen in Falcon porn titles such as "Little Big League," "Through the Woods," "Never been touched," and "Ripe". Boham allegedly worked for the gay Kelso, 43, who had made millions though a career of debt recovery. A housekeeper found Kelso shot to death in the bathtub of his upscale Denver home.

Kelso, a philanthropist donating thousands of dollars to charities, often hired rent boys.
At a preliminary hearing this month, local police reported that Kelso was killed during a robbery attempt by Boham who needed money for a pregnant girlfriend. According to the Denver Post, Detective Aaron Lopez said that prior to the murder, Kelso had asked Boham to come to the bedroom for "a cuddle". Boham then pulled a gun on Kelso, asking him to open the safe box, which was believed to store buckets of cash. However, Kelso resisted and a struggle ensued leaving Kelso wounded.Kelso tried to pull an alarm, but a panicked Boham then suffocated him and shot him in the head. A blood smear was left on the alarm button, Lopez said.

Following the shooting, Boham was able to pry open the safe, which was empty except for a few rings. Boham then seized Kelso's Rolex watch and fled the scene. Court documents suggested that Boham, who had bipolar disorder and was prone to fits of rage, told his mother and sister that he had planned to use the money to go to South America with his girlfriend. But in the end it turnd out "he had done this for nothing," affidavits say.

Boham's lawyer maintains murder was not premeditated. He told the court that there was no evidence that Boham had gone to the Kelso's home with any other motive than to rob him. Boham has been ordered to be in custody until the trial date is set.

At a preliminary hearing this month, local police reported that Kelso was killed during a robbery attempt by Boham who needed money for a pregnant girlfriend. According to the Denver Post, Detective Aaron Lopez said that prior to the murder, Kelso had asked Boham to come to the bedroom for "a cuddle". Boham then pulled a gun on Kelso, asking him to open the safe box, which was believed to store buckets of cash. However, Kelso resisted and a struggle ensued leaving Kelso wounded.Kelso tried to pull an alarm, but a panicked Boham then suffocated him and shot him in the head. A blood smear was left on the alarm button, Lopez said. Following the shooting, Boham was able to pry open the safe, which was empty except for a few rings. Boham then seized Kelso's Rolex watch and fled the scene.

Court documents suggested that Boham, who had bipolar disorder and was prone to fits of rage, told his mother and sister that he had planned to use the money to go to South America with his girlfriend. But in the end it turnd out "he had done this for nothing," affidavits say. Boham's solicitor maintains murder was not premeditated. He told the court that there was no evidence that Boham had gone to the Kelso's home with any other motive than to rob him.

Boham, who has a 5-year-old daughter, had "numerous girlfriends" according to the Post and once told a downstairs neighbor that he "sanitized" his apartment "by thoroughly scrubbing it because a gay man had lived there previously."

Said the neighbor: "He hated (gays). He hated their lifestyle."

Yet he had no problem being "gay for pay" in such movies as Falcon Studio's Through the Woods. One talent agency owner said that Boham seemed desperate: "He didn't like people telling him what to do. He seemed like an angry person. His opportunities were tapering off. He got into bloody fistfights. He just had anger issues."

The second story follows.

Officials investigating gay porn producer's death want to talk with escort

By EDWARD LEWIS elewis@timesleader.com
WYOMING – Law-enforcement officials remain interested in talking to a Virginia Beach male escort whose photo surfaced in the investigation of last month’s murder of gay porn producer Bryan Charles Kocis.

Trooper Tom Kelly of the state police at Wyoming said he couldn’t confirm if the picture that investigators released last week is of the escort.

The man, who identified himself only as Harlow, told a reporter on Wednesday that the photo is of him, but denied any connection to Kocis. The escort said he was with a client for three hours in Virginia Beach on Jan. 24, the night Kocis was stabbed to death inside his Dallas Township home.

The Virginia State Corporation Commission lists a Harlow Cuadra as president of the Virginia Beach-based escort service Norfolk Companions Inc.

Last week, police released a photograph showing the head and shoulders of a person they said might have the last name of Drake.

The escort said he is the man in the photograph but said he does not use the name Drake.

The body of Kocis, 44, was recovered from his burning home. An autopsy showed Kocis died of multiple stab wounds and was dead before the blaze broke out.

After obtaining Kocis’ telephone records and e-mail accounts, police determined that Kocis sent an e-mail to an associate with photographs of Drake, stating he was meeting the man at his Midland Drive home at 7 p.m. to discuss a modeling job for Cobra Video. Kocis owned and operated Cobra Video, a company that produces and sells gay pornographic movies.

About 90 minutes after the scheduled meeting, firefighters responded to Kocis’ home for a fire, at about the same time a witness saw a light-colored sport utility vehicle back out of the driveway and speed away.

Harlow could not be reached for comment on Thursday.


SO is this Harlow dude guilty as shit? A jury will decide that, sooner or later.

Both of these murders indicate that gay porn can be a very risky undertaking. What appears glamourous on the outside is a cesspool of corruption behind the scenes.

Happy Groundhog's Day.

So Punxsutawney Phil says spring is on its way. Wishful thinking but I'm sure all of us are ready for some shirtless weather.

While Phil, the groundhog is furry, he definitely could use a makeover. So how about any of these replacements? Perhaps there is a new reality show in the making.

Hoping you guys are having a super day.

Speaking of hotties, are you watching the Super Bowl on Sunday? I'll be rooting for the Bears. That's a no brainer.

It's a GAY, GAY, GAY World. We Interact with Each Other No Matter Where We Live.

Guys: I found this great article by Brian on the http://www.washblade.com

web site.

Searching for a connection Rural gays turn to new technologies to ease sense of isolation

By BRIAN MOYLAN Jan. 26, 2007
Rural gays turn to new technologies to ease sense of isolationMANY GAY PEOPLE have a song they identify as their coming out anthem. Maybe it’s a song with lyrics about empowerment or a track that was popular in the gay bars when they first started going out. For Mike, a 42-year-old auto mechanic, his coming out anthem could be the familiar “You’ve Got Mail” greeting that sounds when he logs onto America Online.
“I knew I was gay since I was 12, but I was afraid to act on it and I didn’t know who to talk to. I didn’t start coming out until I was 30,” says Mike, who asked that his last name be withheld for privacy reasons. What made it even harder for Mike is that he grew up and still lives in Helena, Mont. Though it’s the state capital, there is only a population of 26,000 people, and the nearest gay bar is 64 miles away in Butte. There are only two other bars in the state, one in Great Falls, about 100 miles away, and one in Billings, almost 300 miles away.
He never ventured out to the bars and didn’t even know they were there when he was younger.
“I just kept to myself, rode my motorcycle and got drunk at straight bars for no reason,” he says. “My brother signed me onto America Online, and I found the men-for-men chat room, and for the first time, I thought there were more people like me.”
Twelve years later, Mike has had two long-term boyfriends (though the last one lived about 100 miles away), watches Logo — the gay cable channel — on satellite TV and is out to his family and a few people at the auto dealership where he works.
MIKE’S STORY ISN’T uncommon for gay people who live in rural communities, but the internet has ended some of the isolation for such people by letting them develop communities online and in their towns.
James Martin, a 48-year-old accounting clerk, grew up in rural West Virginia, but spent many years living in more urban areas of North Carolina before moving to Anchorage, Alaska, several years ago. Though it’s a city of 700,000 people, Martin says that he used the internet to locate other bears and community events geared for them before making the move to Alaska.
He says being able to do this research is a big shift from when he was coming out, where the only connection he had to gay people was in medical books in the local library, most of which portrayed homosexuality as a disease or something negative.
Tim Niehaus, a 21-year-old restaurant worker, also used the internet as a research tool, talking to gay people online before he ever talked to any in person. In Eagle River, Wis. (population, 1,500), that was his only resource. He now lives in Stevens Point, home to a branch of the University of Wisconsin, which boasts 20,000 people (including the university), and he met many of his gay friends online.
Though they may be spread out, there are plenty of people in rural communities to meet in online chat rooms. Jeff Soukup, president and chief operating officer of PlanetOut, Inc. — which owns the websites Gay.com and PlanetOut.com, as well as RSVP cruises and LPI Media which publishes The Advocate and Out magazines — says that half of the sites’ U.S. traffic is from the South and Midwest, where the biggest number of small towns are located. Soukup says that the company’s two sites get 5.4 million unique visitors each month.
NEWER TECHNOLOGIES ARE making it easier for gay arts and culture to come to these communities as well. Logo and Here! TV, another gay television service, reach a national audience through satellite television and digital cable (though some digital cable providers still don’t broadcast the channels in all markets). The companies are also using streaming video and podcasts on their websites to bring their programming to anyone with a high-speed internet connection. These and other technologies are out there to bridge the distance gap.

We are all connected in this great big world of ours and that brings us all together. I am so glad that technology makes us gay brothers, where ever we are. I am a better man because I know all of you. Stay warm and sexy.

Is There Such A Thing As A Gay Male Mid-life Crisis?

Seems that our friend, Dan Savage, has devoted a lot of his column this week to just such a question.

The guy writes about his hottie partner who is turning 40 and wants to celebrate at a clothing optional gay resort and have sex under the sky.

Been there, done that. And for me, it was just fun, and had nothing to do with time or space, for that matter.

I don't think wanting to be sexy, playing safely, and just being a guy has anything to do with a guy being a horndog. Enjoying leather, boots, jockstraps, play toys, whatever, do it if it feels good.

The partner shouldn't have a hang-up about it. But there are limits. Three ways are always best when all three players are consenual. And when all three are enjoying the playtime. That's why for three ways, the key player is the top guy who gives both his playguys equal attention.

It's winter now, and sure, it is the perfect time to snuggle and get real nice and cozy physically with your man. The sexiest thing this time of year is a pair of long johns with a nice button fly. Sure gives new meaning to the phrase, "Are you glad to see me?"

A healthy appetite for sex is nothing that should never be turnoff or dismissed, no matter how old a guy is. Channeling that energy into safe, sexy fun is something that should be enjoyed to the fullest.

Our man Dan, I feel, was right on with his advice, as usual. Explore, be adventurous, and consensual. The same old, same old, isn't who we are, sexually or otherwise. If sex becomes so routine, so mechanical, then something is missing.

I truly believe that you get out of something only by investing in the time and trouble of making your best effort. That goes with life and with sex.

New Years Resolutions that We can all share together for the common good

Yes, it is that time of year to make and in some cases, already break, New Year's Resolutions.

I thought that maybe we could share together some New Year's Resolutions that we wouldn't break, and that we could easily commit to.

You guys know how much I love to hug. That aside, you might assume that I would also be a "tree hugger". You'd be right again.

So how about we try this spring to plant a tree. If each of us would commit to planting a single tree, a seedling would do, and help to nuture it, we would be doing our collective share in making the air a little cleaner and the environment a little better.

Likewise, we all set personal goals for ourselves, be it losing weight, gaining muscle, etc. Let's pledge to help each other with these personal goals. That way, it won't feel so lonely trying to do it alone.

An idea I saw on Ellen during the holidays, about loose change, could also be something we could do collectively and give to a favorite charity, gay or straight. A lot of our biker buds out there have favorite charities which we could devote some of our loose change in helping others.

Feel free to add your own ideas. You make this a place great to hang because you guys are the best. Never forget that.

Hoping you all are having a great start to the New Year. Together we can make it fun and sexy.

Happy, Happy New Year Guys

Howdy guys. I just wanted to wish you guys the Very, Very Best of New Years.

Over the years you guys have always been there for me. And for that, I am very, very grateful.

So not to slack off, I give you some of my predictions for 2007, with a gay slant.

I predict that the new Lifetime TV show, "Gay, Straight or Taken" will air all its episodes and be a mild hit for the cable channel.

Also I predict that two Hollywood closeted celebs will be outed this year. And yes, Anderson Cooper does count.

Gay marriage will continue its uphill legal battles, but we will get closer to this being reality, at least in one state, hopefully California.

Also Rosie O'Donnell will put her big foot in her mouth at least once each weekday on the View.

You guys will continue to shine in my eyes.

And finally, drum roll please,

Continued BIG HAIRY MUSCLE HUGS. It wouldn't be the same without them.

Enjoy the day, guys.

Daddy Santas Everywhere

Tis the season to HO! HO! HO!

From the Beverly Hills Center which features Hunky Santas this year to your neighbor bar, Santa's men are keeping with the spirt of the Holiday season.

So why so many Santas this time of year? And why are they always shirtless?

I guess being one of Daddy Santa's helpers puts them in a playful spirit. Hey, I think deep down inside Santa's lap has always been a turn on to many guys. And those shiny boots, well a guy in big boots is certain to have a big heart.

Trust Daddy Santa's helpers to find out who has been naughty as well as nice. And let them know that yes, it is equally great giving as well as receiving.

In the true Holiday spirit, I want to give all you hot studs big, warm hairy muscle hugs. I wish for everyone inner happiness, love with their special man, and passionate smooches under the mistletoe. While Daddy Santa may wear the big boots, it's you guys out there who everyday make the world a better place to be.

What's In Your Wallet and How to Keep More of It There

It's that time of year when Madison Avenue advertisers want us to unload our cash, max out our credit cards, all for the sake of spending our hard earned income.

Time and time again, we fall for this, and usually end up miserable with piles of bills to pay off.

I tell you guys, you don't have to "shop til you drop" this year.

I have cut out unnecessary spending, learning to do so last year at this time while I was mending from my operation. Not everyone needs more sweaters. So how about one sexy item like a hot jock or a pair of sexy briefs. And always add some customer service to the gift. Helping the guy try on his Christmas present is half the fun. Both the giver and the receiver are sharing in the spirit of the season.

I do know that Lance Bass' Christmas list is down by one, so is Reichen's. Too bad for these boys. It just wasn't meant to be.

Also take care where to wear your wallet in public during this high season of pickpockets. And NEVER, NEVER bring a wallet out to the bars. Only take enough cash for cab fare, and drinks and tips. And of course, your ID or driver's license. And if you must wear a wallet, put it in your front pocket. Hey, unless you're in good company like this cowboy in the above photo, it's wise to not have your wallet in a place where it could be easily grabbed and stolen. Besides, having empty back pockets in jeans, especially, allows you to show off those hot butt cheeks. WOOF.

Just wanted to share some sane tips to make your Christmas holiday a pleasant one. It's really a time to celebrate the true meaning, embrace your hot man and let him know how much you cherish him, not just on Christmas, but everyday.

P.S. Any thoughts on what to do with those candy canes that seem to end up in everybody's Christmas stocking? Well, forget those skinny ones. If you must give them, get ones that are thicker and bigger, so they are less likely to break. Used the correct way, candy canes can be a pleasurable treat, both by the fireplace or under the mistletoe. Now that's what I call celebrating the spirit of the season.

World AIDS Day and the Reason To Play Safe

Today we take time out to reflect on AIDS, how it has affected our lives as gay men, who it has killed, and why we should always play safe.

What I think about most is all of our gay brothers who have died or are living with AIDS. I miss those you have died, and I cherish those who are living proudly and passionately as HIV positive men.

If I could grant one wish today, it would be for AIDS to be wiped off the face of the Earth. But I know that is a selfish wish. But still, in our daily lives, we can make sure that AIDS is something that we can prevent. Safer sex is definitely one way. Also being honest with our partners is yet another way.

Only we as responsible gay men can beat AIDS and keep it from spreading among our tribe.

So today we remember those who have died, we can pledge to continue the fight against the spread of AIDS in our lives. Playing safe, and being responsible for ourselves and our partners, are the best defenses against AIDS.

One day, hopefully, we will not have reason for a World AIDS Day. Until then, each of us can never let down our guard. Together we can make progress in the fight, the fight that will be won, and make sure that those lives lost were not lost in vain.

My Annual Review of the Hottest Beefcake Calendars

Guys, as I have always done in the past, I am previewing some of the hottest male calendars for 2007.

The top ones are from Titan Men and Raging Stallions. Of the next four, two are from the Calendar Cops 2007, one from BearMen and the drawing from Michael Breyette.

Michael Breyette, an openly gay artist, is one of the best artists I have ever seen. His fantastic artwork about the nude male body shows passionate, uninhibited men enjoying each other to the fullest.

There are probably many more out there that I have missed. If you have favorites, let me know. If you live near an area that sells these calendars, wait until after Christmas. These calendars do go on sale for half price.

You guys are all my calendar men. Big hairy muscle hugs and WOOFS.

Saluting Our Men in the Armed Forces on this Veteran's Day

Maybe our troops in Iraq may be coming home sooner now that e Tuesday's election results have mandated a change in policy.

And hopefully someday, our gay soldiers can fight as open and proud men, who won't be hounded by that stupid, "don't ask, don't tell" policy. I really hate Sam Nunn for ever initiating such a dum fuck policy.

Thought I'd celebrate by posting and sharing some hunky military photos. Have a great Veteran's Day weekend. While you're out this weekend, walk up and give a gay veteran a big hug. That's the best way I know to support our troops.

Ageism and Wisdom: What the Bois Are Missing

The following is from an article published in November 3rd's Washington Blade:
Jokes of being "gay-dead" at 40 were funny until the line was pushed back to 30 and finally 25, reducing the number of gay dating years to about 10, assuming you're lucky enough to come out during high school.
Sensing that the generation gap was in danger of turning into a canyon, members of local gay community group the D.C. Center decided to introduce an intergenerational discussion group, "Twinks and Geezers," to foster better dialogue between older and younger gay men. A series of talks in locations around D.C. address issues of ageism, and the first event, held Oct. 24, the same night as the annual High Heel Race, attracted 18 people of varying ages and ethnicities.
"It's human nature to form into groups with people that are like you," says Adam Smith, 23, who helped organize the workshop series. "Forming friendships with people who aren't like you is important, which is why it's good to have these cross-generational relationships."
Plenty of barriers to creating intergenerational relationships exist, however. A host of factors, including biases, youth worship and fear of cultural reaction, play into ageism among gay men and lesbians.
The idea of being "gay dead" at 25 is an example of the accelerated aging perception that affects gay men in particular, says Ken South, 60, who is a member of the Center's elder outreach committee and who has worked extensively on the issue of ageism among gays.
"Gay men, especially single gay men who are approaching 40, think it's the end of their life and start acting like they're 80," South says. "The whole idea of being an old gay man strikes terror in the hearts of most gay men. They don't even want to talk about it. They don't want to think about it. It's just so real. There's such incredible association in the gay male community with youth and beauty. It just permeates everything.
"When was the last time a circuit party gave a discount for seniors? If a group of 10 guys in their 80s walked into those places, people would probably get ill."
While most people might be under the impression that only the vain gay "boiz" suffer from this image crisis, think again. Another thing about assimilating into mainstream culture, unfortunately, is that it assimilates into you.
MENTORING IS AN important relationship that helps younger people to learn from and emulate adults who aren't their parents. This can be especially critical among gay men and lesbians who don't always have the benefit of parental acceptance, but some gay men say that the opportunities for traditional mentorship roles have declined in recent years.
"When I was growing up, there were a lot of older gay men that were sort of there," says Lorenzo Taylor, 50, who attended the first workshop for Twinks and Geezers. He was surprised to learn that much of the gay connection that younger men have is fostered through the internet.
"That felt kind of sad to me — their connection to the gay community being through online communication rather than an oral legacy," says Taylor. "The other thing that sort of surprises us, too, is that there's no place in the gay community for mentoring."
Bruce Weiss, 39, who attended the Oct. 24 workshop and is also executive director of the Sexual Youth Minority Assistance League, a local gay youth group, says that fears of societal rebuke for interacting with young people has added to the dearth of mentoring opportunities.
"Some people have had a fear about serving youth because they didn't want to be perceived as trying to get young people to turn gay," says Weiss.
SMYAL policies for adult volunteers are very strict, demonstrating the delicate care working with gay youth requires.
"We don't have that fear because we're doing this work regardless of what others may think, but we are very mindful of the risks and very cautious of having any adults working with young people," Weiss says.
Among gay men, eradicating bias about the motivations of mentoring relationships is an essential part of working against ageism.
"The issues of ageism are so insidious in the community — the general community, American society — but in the LGBT community it's especially insidious," says the Center's South.
Among gay men, some of the barriers between the generations involve a concern from younger men that older men are only interested in them as potential sex partners.
"If you're in a bar situation, you're going to think, 'Oh, there's this old guy hitting on me,' when that's not necessarily the case," says Smith.
Some of this disconnect could have been caused by the AIDS epidemic. With the staggering loss of gay men to AIDS throughout the '80s and '90s, an entire generation of gay men was virtually wiped out, leaving the upcoming youth frequently without guidance or a variety of interaction with older men.
"I certainly think the ageism among gay men would have been tempered if we hadn't lost the generation that we did because of AIDS," says Marcy Adelman, who did seminal work on gay aging in the '70s, including her involvement with the National Institute of Mental Health's first study on gay aging in 1975.
Groups like Twinks and Geezers aim to bridge the gap between generations.
"This program doesn't surprise me," Adelman says about Twinks and Geezers. "I think it's a part of that change that's happening."
Others see bridging the divide between old and young as key to forwarding the gay rights movement.
"I think we're kind of where we were at the movement about 15 years ago when we finally recognized our LGBT youth and brought them into our movement," says Moli Steinert, 54, who runs Open House, a non-profit gay and lesbian senior residential community based in San Francisco. "It's not until we recognize our elders that we can really truly call ourselves family. It's a necessary step in our own maturity as a movement to do that."
I think these guys are onto something. We were all twinks for a short period of our gay lives. At that time, we didn't want to be pawed by some "old" dude. But now for us over 40, we are the "old dudes". So what goes around, comes around.
But I think this time things could be different. We got the net, we got dozens of places like MySpace and LiveJournal to connect and make buddies, young and old.
How we do this, is set an example. Life is too short to fuck it up. Younger gay guys somehow got to learn from their gay life experiences. We can be there for them to make their transition a little less painful and a whole lot more enjoyable.
I'd like to hear your views on this. This isn't a Man-Boy Love thing we are talking about here. It is about sharing experience. But first we "daddies" have to prove ourselves worthy of such mentoring. We have to have our "shit together". And we have to wait for younger guys to ask us, not impose and inflict our "wisdom" on them. Yes this is nuturing, and yes, this is being patient, but hey, we're here to be helpful and yes, to provide that strong shoulder to lean on, but not wean on.