Labels Can Be Deceiving

The following is an article from this week's Washington Blade.

10 percent of straight men report having gay sex

By JOSHUA LYNSEN Friday, September 29, 2006
Men who say they are straight might actually be gay, a new survey suggests.
The survey, conducted by the New York City Health Department and published this month, shows 61 percent of men who have sex with men identify themselves publicly as straight.
Medical experts said the findings show that labels like “straight” or “gay” are often inadequate or inaccurate.
“You cannot rely on self-identification to ascertain somebody’s sexual practices and who their partners are,” said Dr. Luke Johnsen, acting medical director of the Whitman-Walker Clinic in Washington, D.C.
Among the survey’s 2,898 sexually active participants, about 9 percent identified themselves in a way that was inconsistent with their sexual behavior.
“The results of the study, to me and other people who work with LGBT health, is not a surprise,” Johnsen said. “Self-identification is based on a lot more than just the gender of the person you have sex with.”
Experts said cultural, family and religious expectations all influence how people identify publicly.
Dr. Randy Pumphrey, a counselor who works with gay clients at the Lambda Center in Washington, noted the survey found discordance most frequently among African Americans and Latinos.
“It tells me that at some level, culture plays a part of this,” he said, “and that there may be cultural prerogatives that say to a person ‘I can only identify as heterosexual even though my behavior is homosexual.’”

Down-low documented

Pumphrey said the study revealed fresh evidence of “the phenomenon of the down-low experience.”
The practice — in which men who identify as straight surreptitiously pursue gay sex — was found within the survey results. Among the 2,735 men who identified as straight, nearly 10 percent had sex with a man during the preceding year.
The survey’s lead author said these men were given the opportunity to identify as gay or bisexual, but insisted on being classified as straight.
“There’s probably some stigma at play,” said Dr. Preeti Pathela of the New York City Health Department. “It’s really a sensitive issue for many men.”
Johnsen said some men might have insisted on the straight identity because they genuinely don’t see their behaviors as homosexual. He noted that among some cultures, a man is only considered gay if he engages in receptive anal sex.
“For other people, there is internalized homophobia,” he said. “If I don’t say it, I am not.”
Pumphrey said the men might be working toward reconciling their heterosexual identity and homosexual behavior.
“When we think about a person coming out within the gay community, and moving from the place where they believe they were heterosexual to a place where they identify as gay, that journey involves many steps to reach self acceptance,” he said. “So there are places along the way where the person may be inconsistent with how they see themselves.”
But experts said that transitional period is a dangerous time, as those men are less likely to practice safe sex.
“When there is discordance between identity and behavior, people are less apt to stop and think, or take safe measures,” Pumphrey said, “because to do so would mean to acknowledge what the self is doing.”

Medical repercussions

The disconnect between identity and behavior has other medical repercussions.
Johnsen said gay men who insist on maintaining straight identities — and straight men that don’t tell a doctor about any homosexual experiences — might not receive the tests or treatments they need.
“It’s part of your health and well being,” he said. “It shouldn’t be stigmatized.”
Johnsen said men must be open and honest with their doctors. He also encouraged doctors to ask non-confrontational, open-ended questions.
He said rather than ask for a sexual identity, doctors should inquire whether the patient had been sexually active. Ensuing questions would separately pursue a patient’s sexual experiences with men and women.
Pumphrey said such questions are used routinely by providers serving gay clients, but are not yet standard practice for general providers.

The closet continues to exist. You'd think it was 1956 instead of 2006. Denying who you are, being deceitful, are traits of a guy who just can't accept himself.

This continues the theme of my last post. Not being truthful, hiding being gay, and probably not practicing safer sex, all these elements are a recipe for unhappiness and disappointment.

I am so happy that you guys are hot, sexy, and comfortable with who you are. These closeted guys just don't know what they are missing. I know it takes a lot of guts to step out of the closet, but the emotional consequences for staying in, far outweigh the happiness and relief you experience once you're free of the lie. For that, I am grateful.

Tell-All Gay Sex Sells Books, But Is It Really Necessary?

Two gay men are stomping the talk show circuit, hawking their tell-all books.

Jim McGreevy, former NJ governor, has been making the talk show rounds promoting his book, Confessions.

In it, he tells how, quoting him, " The closet is a sick place. Every day, every hour, every minute, every interaction, I lied, I hid," McGreevey told Winfrey. "That's not where you find love, in the back of a booth. That's where you fulfill a physical need. But that's not being godly, that's not finding love."

A very demeaning outlook on life, according to him. He seems to have mistaken sex for love. So he was messed up. It seems that being gay makes you tortured.

It's not being gay that does it, it's how you handle it. Coming and cuming to terms with it is the only way to be happy. You accept the fact and move on with your life. Living as a gay man, with its benefits as well as its challenges, is what we are. Embracing it, finding how we fit in, and really, being there for each other if something does go wrong, that's the best way to live.

I don't buy his argument that gay sex was shameful. That's bull shit. We all know that man sex is the best sex. We are sexual, and we like sex. As long as straights continue to judge us, and we, somehow, feel that gay sex is dirty and isn't normal, then we will forever be burdened by their views and force ourselves into believing it. We guys know that gay sex is fucking better than hetero sex. It feels better, with all its passion and tension. WOOF.

Then there is Rupert Everett. His quote flooding the blogs and newswires is something worthy of self flogging. Rupert is quoted as saying, "Unfortunately, I am single, yes, but I'm too exhausted for anything else and being gay is a young man's game. Now no one wants me. Being gay and being a woman has one big thing in common, which is that we both become invisible after the age of 42. Who wants a gay 50- year-old? No one let me tell you. I could set myself on fire in a gay bar, and people would just light their cigarettes from me."

Blah, blah. What's up with Rupert? I guess he hates rejection from every twink he hits on. I used to like Rupert as an actor, but I am tired of such whining. He sounds like he is getting into character to play Quentin Crisp, the queen's queen, the Naked Civil Servant, sometime in the future. Gosh, if ever two guys were meant for each other, George Michael and Rupert would be a perfect match.

So Rupert, if you are reading this, just grow up. Pouting isn't becoming nor cute , especially for a grown, middleaged man. If you liked to get fucked, explore leather and get yourself a hunky master. Take a cue from McGreevy, be realistic, come to terms with being older, and leave the drama to the drama queens. You'd be doing both yourself and your fans a big favor.

My Annual Fall TV Preview-The Good, The Bad, and The "Ugly"

Not very original, you might say. But the new fall TV season, seems to have a little of each.

The talk all seems to be about “Ugly Betty” , a new show premiering Thursday, Sept. 28, 8 p.m. on ABC. This show features the "ugly"brains does not meet beauty, Betty Suarez (America Ferrera), as a girl unsure of herself, with braces, frizzy hair and an outdated wardrobe, who goes to work at Mode, a Vogue-like fashion magazine.

It seems that Betty is the only assistant in town that Mode's editor-in-chief won’t take to bed. While trying to prove herself, Betty must deal with all the other bitches at the magazine, including this TV seasons, "Devil",head fashion writer, Wilhelmina played by former Miss America, Vanessa Williams and her flaming gay associate, Marc played by Michael Urie, who is probably playing gay.

While this could be really "ugly" since the concept of the show is imported from a Colombian telenovela, "Betty La Fea" if not totally screwed up in the translation, the show could be another breakout hit or it could be the first big bomb of the new TV season.

Other shows that might be promising this year is "Smith". The show stars big screen star Ray Liotta better know for his ace role in Martin Scorsese's epic film, "Goodfellas", as a criminal mastermind in this drama "about a close-knit crew of criminals who plot and execute high-stakes robberies" (Borrowed from the CBS web site). The main character, Bobby, played byLiotta, while appearing to be a regular family man with a nine-to-five job, he's actually an expert thief who is seeking a few last big hits "so he can finally leave the business for a comfortable, lawful lifestyle with his wife, Hope (Virginia Madsen), and their two children". (Another quote from the CBS promo". She is not quite happy with Bobby, even though they never openly discuss Bobby's illegal pursuits. She will stand by her man, only to a point.
Virginia Madsen is the kind of actress that can mezmorize me just by reading a phone book.
This could be a real big breakout show or a disappointment. Catch it Tuesdays at 10 pm on CBS.

Likewise another hit could be The Nine. The show's premis focuses on what happens when nine people are forced into a traumatic situation? This compelling drama nine gives insight into how each of them interact during the immediate aftermath. Again, something of a "24" knockoff since the show takes the viewer along to watch what actually happened during the 52 hour hostage situation. Each week something is leaked out, adding another piece to the puzzle. Tyne Daly's little bro, Tim Daly, stars. This is on Wednesdays, ABC at 10 pm.

Heroes - what happens when a group of everyday people find out that they have special powers that might allow them to save the world? Sounds like a comic book premise or something ripped off from the Sci-Fi Channel. But on network TV, really nothing is original. Catch it on NBC, Mondays at 9 p.m.

Six Degrees - created by jj abrahms, the "Lost" guy, this show has an amazing cast (hope davis, campbell scott, jay hernandez) . These actors have made great indie movies and now are testing the waters on the small screen. Check it out on ABC, Thursdays at 10 p.m.

Well this is some of the good. How about the "bad". Well I think Ted Danson should just stay home and grow old. His latest sitcom, "Help Me, Help You" is a rip off of "Dear John", but according to some advance press, without the laughs. Also another sitcom that seems to be dead on arrival is Brad Garrett's piece of misery, "Til Death", a bad "Married with Children", but without the children. Brad loves to play the "sad sack", but even his frown can't help save this turkey.

Hope you find these recommendations useful. If only there were a 24 hour TV channel showing hot hunky hairy men giving each other big hairy muscle hugs and other pleasures. Now that would be TV worth watching.

More Fodder About Gay Men and their Sex Drive

This from this week's Washington Blade, written by Wayne Beesen.

THIS BATTLE OF the male brain is now playing itself out in gay society after paparazzi ambushed pop star George Michael coming out of the bushes following a supposed sexcapade with a pot-bellied peasant. [Was Michael acting differently than other gay men?] My comment.

Back in the 70's days, bathhouses were hugely popular and the gay bars had blackened out windows, creating a virtual cocktail-serving closet. Many of the patrons had to have sex away from home to keep the secret from an unsuspecting wife and kids.
Of course, there was a portion of men who did have options but who enjoyed unfettered promiscuity for the thrill.
With time, the ease with which people could come out, combined with the fear of contracting HIV, sharply curtailed the carnal carnival the gay subculture once represented.
The whole notion that gay men are more libidinous than straight men is a canard pushed by right wing fanatics in an effort to deny homosexuals basic rights. Indeed, one of the most guarded secrets of gay life is that a good portion of homosexuals are as undersexed as their straight counterparts.
Some of these lonely gay sorts keep long hours at the office and never took time to pursue partners. Others are shy and have great difficulty meeting people. Many men, gay and straight, simply have low sex drives and hardly desire gratuitous encounters.
From my observation, a surprisingly large portion of men find the notion of hooking up with strangers totally unappealing. It is not looks nor variety, but intimacy that is the greatest turn on.
FOR THE HYPER-AGGRESSIVE men who fancy uninhibited sexual exploration, it is easier being gay because you can always find another man looking for the same thing. But, instead of being blamed for a lack of self-control, most gay men should get a medal for restraint.
Heck, if straight men could have sex in public restrooms with women, would we ever again be able to use the facilities for legitimate purposes? If straight men could easily pick up women for sex in parks after midnight, would the grounds be so trodden that ants would become an endangered species?
Yeah, gay men have access to sex if they want it bad enough and are willing to take risks, like George Michael did, but the majority consistently chooses not to recklessly cruise.
George Michael may want his sex, but placing the blame on gay culture n“o longer reflects modern reality. Given a full range of choices, including marriage, gay life increasingly looks as diverse as mainstream culture with monogamously oriented men finally having the option to choose monogamy.

Being in a horny mindset myself this morning, I thought that I'd reintroduce this controversy.
Gay men exhibit more self control than most. Hell, we find ourselves in situations almost constantly where we can not act upon our impulses. True, our impulses may be sluty, but we control them, because it is the right thing to do. Again this all comes back to our lack of being able to openly express our love and lust in public like straights can, and they do like to flaunt it.

Honoring Our Own On This Day

Today is a day of reflection, honoring those who sacrificed their lives, as well as those who helped in any way they could, at Ground Zero, at Shanksville, PA and at the Pentagon.

Politics aside, I hope that what these gay men and women did will be remembered foremost for the deed. We are all part of the human family, regardless of whom we love.

Playing Cowboy

Here are some photos from the Atlantic States Gay Rodeo held over the weekend. It was great hangin out there and seeing some real cowboy studs doing their thing. WOOF.

The Responsible Slut Lurking Inside All of Us

Here's a first person account of a recent trip to the clinic by a contributer to the Edmonton, CA alternative, Vue Weekly. Oh yes, it does bring back memories of that first time.

TOTALLY GAY
Luke Foster / totallygay@vueweekly.com
You're dirtier than you think ... but, then again, so is everyone else

There’s never a pleasant reason why you have to go to the STD clinic, but there is always a good one. Maybe you had a one-nighter with a stranger, it burns when you pee, or your partner recently came up positive for a sexually transmitted infection. If something like that has ever happened to you, or there’s some doubt in your mind that you may have contracted a STD, you need to go and get tested. It’s not just about your own health, but the health of others and stopping the chain of infection.

Now the author knows it can be a daunting experience for anyone who’s never been tested before. Not only are you poked and prodded and subjected to semi-invasive physical examinations, but also once you step in the door, you’re directly confronted by your past. You start thinking about the users, losers and cruisers that are probably the reason you’re there in the first place. It’s a very emotional, stressful and potentially embarrassing situation, but one that’s completely unavoidable.

The author recently visited the clinic for the very first time and it really wasn’t as terrifying as he had initially thought. It was relatively pain-free, everything is completely confidential and no one should abstain from being tested simply out of fear. He made his appointment over the phone and went one day during his lunch break. Once he arrived, he checked in with the receptionist, filled out a short form with his personal contact information, then took a seat in the waiting room. Under the harsh, unflattering fluorescent lights, he began perusing through some pamphlets, every so often looking up from reading material to silently judge the other people who were waiting for their names to be called. He knew the purpose of his visit.

After all, he was just writing a story. He states, "I’m not dirty or anything. But I wondered what brought these other poor souls, who were twiddling their thumbs and refusing to make eye contact with me, to this place. I automatically assumed the scrawny, so obviously gay boy sitting to my right was just a slut and regular visits to the STD clinic were simply routine. "

His name was eventually called and he followed his inspector, a mature RN, down the hall into one of the exam rooms.

Once seated, the male nurse jumped right into the questions. “Is this your first time being tested?” Yes. “Do you have sex with men?” Yes. “Do you have sex with women?” Ew. “Is there anything in particular that’s brought you here?” He stammers, "I’m just writing a story. I’m not dirty or anything. "

Then his inquiries got more particular. How many partners have you had? Have you ever had unprotected sex? Have you ever been involved with someone who may be positive for HIV or AIDS? Terms like “insertive” and “receptive” were tossed around. Past sex acts were disclosed. Possible symptoms were discussed.

Our brave boy discovered that he might be a little bit dirtier than he initially thought. After the questions came the physical tests. Although he told him he had no apparent symptoms, because his last sexual encounter had been within the last six-month period, the RN gave him the works, because some STDs can be completely asymptomatic, meaning you can have something like gonorrhea in your throat and not know it. Or if you’re infected with HIV, it can take up to about six months for a blood test to come back positive.

First, his blood was taken. Then the took a swab of his throat. After that, heI was told to drop his pants and hop up onto the exam table. The RN took a look around down there for anything suspicious, and then came the worst part of an otherwise pain-free experience. The RNe swabbed our boy'ss urethra. Stuck it right up there. It was not a sensation that he or any of us appreciated or would ever like to feel again. It hurts, ( yes, it always does) but it was over in a second.

After the author pulled his pants back up, the RN handed me a cup for a urine sample he was to leave for testing on my way out. (I always love this part of the examination, pissing into a cold plastic cup, something of a cross between a personal condiment container from a fast food restaurant and a baby food jar.)

Before he left, though, he asked the nurse a couple of questions that had been on his mind and he was more than happy to answer them.

"Can you become infected with HIV if you get a blow-job from a guy who’s positive and has a tongue stud? “I’d say the risk is minimal.” Would you say that there could be a situation where it would be alright for two guys to have sex without condoms? “Not risk-free, if that’s what you mean. I’d say they could maybe think about it if both parties have been tested and are in a mutually monotonous relationship.” Don’t you mean monogamous? “That’s what I said.”

After peeing in the cup and leaving it at the sample station, his mission was accomplished. Results are normally ready in a week, and for some, a return trip to the clinic in necessary to obtain the results in person. He writes, "Again, I didn’t think I had anything to worry about. But I worried nonetheless. It was very strange how that very slim chance that I had contracted something monopolized my thoughts for a week. I can’t even imagine how stressful it would be for someone who actually had a disconcerting sexual or drug-related experience."

Lucky for him, his results came back negative for everything. No chlamydia, gonorrhea, hepatitis A and B, syphilis, or HIV.

He writes, "I felt relieved and responsible, like the adult I never thought I’d have to be.

The physical consequences associated with having sex are usually not the most scarring ones, but they need to be taken care of nonetheless.

It's always better to know and be responsible, than not to know and be irresponsible.

Guys who knowingly spread HIV and the rest of the diseases mentioned about, should be arrested as criminals. They don't deserve to play on our playground. So guys, always protect yourself, and you too, will have that great weight taken off your shoulder next time you face the STD exam. And yes, cumming clean gets a great big suck face kiss from yours truly.

Salute to the Working Man

I know that all of you guys work hard for a living. Some of you enjoy your work alot, while others, would prefer doing something else.

Whatever the case, this Labor Day is a time to give yourself your due. Have a blast, enjoy the fellowship and brotherhood of another hard working man's stiff cock, lay back, and take a load off.

For whatever you do, this hug is for you, guys. Have a great Labor Day weekend.