Monday, April 18, 2005

Is a Big Age Difference Between Partners/Boyfriends Really Such a Big Deal?

I've been reading some interesting posts to various gay yahoo groups as well as a recent article in the Washington Blade, http://www.washingtonblade.com/2005/4-15/view/columns/tooold.cfm

The author finds himself in a relationship with a boyfriend 17 years younger than he is. He frets about the age difference, but sees far more similarities than differences. He uses humor to justify whether or not he should continue to "rob the cradle" or not.

For me, I wouldn't have a relationship with a guy where I was more than 12 years older. Knowing how it is being the younger guy in a relationship 12 years ago, now I wouldn't gravitate towards anyone who is younger than his mid thirties. That would be comfortable enough for me. Again this depends on so many factors. Maturity for one. I am not a babysitter. I may be a daddy, but that doesn't mean that I want to raise a "college guy" while he's still going to college.

Guys pair up with guys because of some mutual attraction, whatever it is. Relationships work because there are far more likes than dislikes. You have to click sexually, intellectually, career wise, etc. if the relationship is going to work. So if all of these elements are in place, than a big age difference of say, 12 years, as long as the guy is at least 21, won't matter much.

I know you guys out there have thoughts on the subject. When is it cradle robbing and when is it an acceptable age difference? There has to be a rainbow o f views on this topic. What works for two guys may not work for two other guys. With love in the air, anything is possible.

8 comments:

North Woods Guys said...

We don't think so. We are a gay couple from the United States and our ages are 32 and 58. We've been together now for 6 years. Originally I (Pookie Bear) was looking for a younger guy in his mid twenties and my mate (Jelly Bear) was searching for an older guy in his late 40's or early 50's. This was exactly what we wanted in a relationship. When we first met, (like with any couple) there were some issues that needed to be resolved. But if "love" is foremost in a relationship - then age should mean nothing to the couple or anyone else for that matter. It's now how old you are that is important - it's the love that you see in each other that is number 1. Love conquers all, even age differences. Don't let age stand in the way of meeting the man and falling in love with the man you have met. If you love him (older or younger) go for it. You only live once, don't let public sentiment or thoughts shatter your love relationship. Love is beautiful and can happen to any one - as it did to us. In June of 2005 we will celebrate the completion of 6 years together. I for one can tell you, it has been the best 6 years of my life. No, age is no big deal and don't let anyone tell you differently.

cola boy said...

The age factor really shouldn't come into the picture...if both people understand that they may face certain situations, like: the older person's possiblity of passing away sooner (this is magnified by the age difference). If the younger mate can handle then they should be able to be with whomever makes them happy. There are other things too like each person's friends talking about how scandelous the age difference is (my first boyfriend was 17 years older than me - my mom was totally aghast at that).

Vince said...

I keep a 10 year rule, but it's not strict. If the man of my dreams in 15 years older than me, I can't pass him up over that. it's hard enough finding a man whithout being picky over age.

hbjock said...

For me, I don't think that age is really such a big deal. As long as the youngest person is above 18 and there is a mutual attraction and adoration between the two, then nothing else matters.

Will said...

There's thirteen years between Fritz and me and we talked about it soon after we met and realized something very special was happening. I'm the young lover in the relationship (in my 50s) and occasionally he worries(needlessly) that I might become interested in someone younger. If it's true love and you have the maturity to handle it, age differences don't matter.

Thanks for visiting DesignerBlog and leaving a comment!

Keith said...

I have to agree with the other comments on this post. Age difference doesn't mean a thing. I met Jim when I was 27, he was 40. Then, and now, we shared some of the same interests, goals in life, and the desire to find true love with someone. We never discussed our age difference from the beginning. It never mattered. Having the "age doesn't matter" belief worked for us. We have been together for 16 yrs now.

Andrew said...

I dont' think that you can write rules for this. I have seen a few relationships with large age gaps, and some of them work in a manner. It is not what I would want and it is one more difficulty to throw into the mix of realtionships and how they work, or don't.

Anonymous said...

I Really Think That having prejudices towards age differences is completely obsolete, love is a fact, is something that just happens and fulfils you. I'm 18 and My partner is 44 and I Truly Love Him Because He is a very versatile, cool and open minded person. We are a so in love that many people just cant believe it's true. It Was Love at first sight!