Monday, April 21, 2008

Being Green is HOT!!!

The following is a celebration of Earth Day, April 22, 2008. Be green by recycling your outgrown jocks, leathers, so that all hot men can enjoy them. After all, that's really what Craig's List is all about.

By Dave White
From The Advocate May 6, 2008

I read a lot of magazines. I know that’s not very green. But I have to know what’s going on. And I feel gross bringing my laptop into the bathroom. I especially read a lot of magazines about awesome (and usually expensive) furniture.

I used to love the design magazine Nest because the people in there would do stuff like wrap their staircases in electrical tape and then be all proud of it. It was a magazine less about being crazy-rich than being simply plain old crazy.

Anyway, Nest is long gone. So now I like Domino. It seems aimed at 23-year-old women, but I like it anyway. I especially like its feature about eco-people and their green lives, written as a daily timetable (“11 a.m.: Jet to Paris. To offset my carbon footprint I log on to a website that plants trees in your name and have Oregon personally reforested. Slide on Herm├Ęs sleep mask and slumber righteously.”). Here’s my own green day:

6 a.m.: Be kissed awake by the roar of garbage trucks. They say RECYCLING on the side, but I think they don’t mean it since it seems they dump all the recycling bin stuff right in with the other trash. Smell their exhaust through my open bedroom window. We have no air-conditioning. This already makes me way greener than almost all of you. How will you catch up to Eco-Me?

6:20 a.m.: Stand on my apartment balcony drinking green tea. I’d buy the fair-trade kind, but it doesn’t taste as good. And none of it tastes as good as grape soda. But that’s a sacrifice I make for the planet.

7 a.m.: Wash dishes from night before. Scrub the sink with environmentally friendly yet useless powder that is not as good as Comet. Feel despair over white enamel slowly turning brown.

8:30 a.m.: Morning walk with my husband/partner/whatever. My eco-suit = threadbare sweatpants, T-shirt my friend Lydia made for me that reads R. KELLY IS MAGIC, and most progressively, New Balance shoes that are not from Nike and therefore not glued together by child slaves. You’re welcome, child slaves.

10 a.m.: Commute to work—from the kitchen to my desk. Don’t hate me because I figured out a way to get paid for sitting around at home in my pajamas and never having to drive anywhere except to the grocery store that’s three blocks away.

11:30 a.m.: Drive to that grocery store. Bring own bags. While driving home think about how Godzilla vs. the Smog Monster is better than An Inconvenient Truth.
Noon: Eat lunch. Toss orange peel into the wrong trash can. Get berated by husband/partner/whatever. When he demands that I retrieve the peels, inform him I’ve already washed my hands and that to stick them into trash would mean rewashing them, and doesn’t he care about water, Mother Earth’s most precious resource? Watch as he sticks his own hands into the trash.

2:30 p.m.: Writer’s block. Need a snack. Organically harvested goji berries are gnarly, no matter how many antioxidants they have. Go to my local fancy bakery for some of those French macarons, like the kind Kirsten Dunst ate in Marie Antoinette. There’s nothing green about this except the color of the pistachio-flavored ones.

3:15 p.m.: Watch Oprah. She’s got a bunch of Dumpster-diving “freegans” on her show. Enjoy pausing TiVo each time she makes the “eww” face. Pay bills online while watching the show. Get tiny thrill at how superior and futuristic I am for not using paper or stamps.

5 p.m.: Go to a home store and spend a lot of money on one-of-a-kind shelves made from reclaimed wood. Bring them home and stack old issues of magazines on them.

Other than being dumpster freegans, there are some great ideas to live the "green" life in one's own way.

Gay men have been pioneers in recycling such items as used jock straps, leather, saliva and other stuff. So we don't have to buy the latest toy, trash stuff just because it isn't in style, follow the A gay crowd.

It is HOT to recycle. And I give my Mega Hairy Muscle Hug seal of approval to every guy who does so.


Sh@ney said...

I have really started to tackle the green lifetsyle of late, watching what can be put to good use, lowering energy consumption in the home...One person can make a difference, but yes it would be great if we ALL made one!

Great Post Buff!...Mwah!

cola boy said...

I do whatever I can to recycle and reuse. And I'd gladly take any hot woofy guy's used jockstraps anytime. Want to help me be a little greener, Buff? ;-) Big hug!

Lewis said...

Jock straps, recycling, reusing????? Is THIS what Al Gore has been promoting? I knew it was all a myth!

rob said...

You're awesome, Buff!

Leonard said...

LOL! great article, gay men can be green but what if it goes "out of style" and fur comes back in? Oh lawd....;)peace

Anonymous said...

I recycle and I mend and make do. This morning I fixed my tiddly tiny laptop mouse with some glue.

Incidentally, that guy pictured for this entry?

I want him. I want to BE him. I want to BE him sooo bad.

Anonymous said...

If you have any extra jockstraps to recycle send them my way!