Gay Rape, Something That Must Never Be Tolerated

SAN FRANCISCO

Campaign to raise awareness of gay rape

San Francisco District Attorney Kamala Harris, Supervisor Bevan Dufty and Police Chief Heather Fong unveiled on Wednesday a new public awareness campaign intended to shine a light on a rarely discussed yet increasingly common crime: gay rape.

Posters will start appearing on Muni buses reading, "I thought he was a great guy until he raped me." A hot line -- (415) 333-4357 -- is available for reporting the crimes, and a new Web site is up at http://www.mensurvivingrape.org/. The campaign comes just before people converge on San Francisco for gay pride weekend.

City officials gathered on the steps of City Hall to discuss the importance of reporting gay rape and sexual assault to authorities -- and doing so quickly so physical evidence can be preserved.

"Rape is wrong not matter the gender, no matter the sexuality," Dufty said. "Our city is prepared to come forward and extend a hand."

Jovida Guevara-Ross, director of Community United Against Violence, said most gay rape goes unreported and that victims' trauma typically lasts well beyond the time of the actual attack. They often experience panic attacks, flashbacks, physical pain and stress.

"We're here for you," she said. "Please call."

Nine cases of gay sexual assault were reported in the city in 2006, but in the first half of 2007, that number is already up to 18. Officials said they believe more attacks are happening this year, but that increased awareness of the importance of reporting the crimes may also contribute to the higher number.

The attacks are almost all happening in the Castro. Anti-crime volunteers began patrolling the neighborhood last fall wearing orange clothing and carrying whistles after two men reported being raped in the area.

One of them, Mark Welsh, spoke up at the press conference Wednesday. He said he was raped by two men on Sanchez Street in September, reported the crime and worked diligently with police -- but that his case went nowhere. He said he had no idea 18 sexual assaults have already happened this year, and that city officials need to do a better job of alerting Castro residents of danger spots.

"I'm appalled and astounded that I'm unaware of all these," he told Harris during the press conference. "There is a lack of communication."

Fong said the Police Department provides maps of where sexual assaults take place, but does not break them out by gender. She said the department will start providing crime maps by gender this week so gay men can see exactly where and at what time of day other men have been assaulted.

Under no circumstances can gay rape ever be condoned or tolerated. Gay male sex is always consensual. Never can a gay guy think that he can force himself on another guy to have sex. If a guy isn't interested in sex, that must be the final word. There is no grey area.

Our Egos and Other Things Have Just Been Deflated. We Aren't the Fashion Queens We Think We Are.

The following is from the current issue of Details magazine.

Who Says All Gay Men Are Stylish?

The idea that all gay men are fashionable is bull—just look at all the friends of Dorothy who dress like they're still in Kansas. Tell us what you think about the myth of gay style below.
-By Katherine Wheelock-

The following article puts us down a peg or two. However to me, it's not the clothes that make the man, but how he wears what little he can get away with. WOOF.

According to a perception that clings to popular culture like a sparkly barnacle, a visit to a predominantly gay neighborhood should yield style enlightenment. Going to the West Side enclave of Chelsea in New York should be like strolling the via Montenapoleone, in Milan. Fashion-challenged men and women should flock to these places and take notes.

Tracing the roots of this myth is easy. The Stylish Gay Man is at least as old as the Magical Negro, and older than the Nerdy Asian. Since time began, homosexuality has been associated with aesthetic acumen. It's a reasonable generalization—one that Edward II, Quentin Crisp, Liberace, and others did little to weaken, and one that understandably sashayed into the late 20th century and the early 21st; most of the openly gay men American society first accepted as public figures were clothing designers.

"This idea comes from how awareness of gay men grew over the last 40 or 50 years," says designer Isaac Mizrahi. "To someone who only knew of three gay people, it looked like all gay men were stylish."

In movies and on TV in the eighties and nineties, gay sidekicks gave sartorial and grooming advice to their messy-haired, mannish girlfriends. The Verdis and the Cojocarus of the world emerged in their wake, and on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Carson Kressley and company began gussying up men. As long as the tip was offered with a cock of the hip and a Mary Lou Retton grin, it was fabulous.

"The conventional wisdom has always been that effeminate men were concerned with style and appearance," says Simon Doonan, fashion pundit and creative director at Barneys New York. "If a movie script called for a character to be fluffy or superficial, they made him a fashion designer. This gave rise to the erroneous idea that all gay men are fashion-obsessed."

But even now that the confetti from the gay-makeover party has settled, the myth of the Stylish Gay Man persists. William Sledd, a 23-year-old Gap manager from Paducah, Kentucky, just signed a deal with Bravo to do an online, critic-at-large—style show based on his video blog, "Ask a Gay Man." This spring it blew up as the fourth-most-subscribed-to video blog on YouTube. Sledd has a side-swept haircut like Clay Aiken and often wears a tight argyle sweater or a slogan T-shirt. He says things like "What's up with all the black? I don't think there are enough pink ninjas in the world." He's entertaining. But what makes him a style expert—besides the fact that he's gay?

"Schooling and exposure determine your ability to say what looks good and what doesn't look good, not your sexual preference," Mizrahi says. "It's like saying all black people have rhythm."
And as a walk through Chelsea demonstrates—in the spring, it's often a visual smorgasbord of pink polo shirts skimming potbellies, patch-bedecked denim jackets, and silvery sneakers worn with an 11-year-old girl's naive enthusiasm—the idea that homosexual males have more style sense than any other category of human beings is patently untrue. If you were picking teams, kickball-at-recess-style, for a fashion championship, who would you call first dibs on? Lance Bass, George Clooney, Alan Cumming, Jay-Z, Rufus Wainwright, or Brad Pitt?

Take your time.

Gay men, unlike supermodels and rock stars, have no more knack for looking good in pretty much anything than the rest of us. And while there might be (just barely) fewer gay rumors circulating about the painstakingly groomed, French-cuffed Ryan Seacrest than there are about the black-T-shirt-clad Simon Cowell, it's hardly risky for a straight man to demonstrate an appreciation for fashion these days.

The Stylish Gay Man's days may be numbered. And when he dies, the playing field will be leveled. Entertainment-show hosts and best-dressed-list compilers will stop treating straight men who simply combed their hair and put on a well-cut suit as if they were paraplegics who just completed an Ironman. And the average gay man, saddled with unrealistic expectations for his personal presentation, will breathe a sigh of relief.

"There have been so many times when I wished I was a lesbian and didn't have to care about what I wore," says Michael Macko, vice president of men's fashion at Saks Fifth Avenue. "Why can't I put on dirty sweat pants, a pair of Birkenstocks, a flannel shirt, and think, Which baseball cap will I wear today? It must be nice to buy all your clothes at outlet stores."

Thanks, Details.

I'm afraid that there will always be a little of the fashion queen in most gay men. We tend to buy clothes that dictate fashion. Where we go wrong is buying stuff out of the International Male catalog, that may look good on the model, but would look absolutely terrible on mere mortals such as us.

I got this one hard and fast rule about buying clothes. Buy for comfort, but especially, if you are catalog shopping, buy clothing that looks good on a guy model that most resembles you, your features, your build. Doing otherwise leads to mockery and bitter disappointment.

All of you daddies and dads out there, I wish all of you mega hairy muscle hugs in honor of each of you this Sunday, Father's Day. Even if you aren't a Dad in the traditional sense, you are one in my eyes.

2007 GAY PRIDE Events, A Partial List

Show your pride this year. And if some guy comes up to you bearing hairy muscle hugs, embrace him. That's the best way to celebrate pride.

Below are some of the places and dates when various cities are celebrating Gay Pride.

Partial List of Pride Events

Happy Pride to You and Yours!
Get out and celebrate your pride!

This is a Partial Listing.
There are more events that are not on this list.

Toronto Digital Queeries has been listing Pride events for free since 1996. Michael is the founder of Gay Toronto's - Queer West Village and Gay West Community Network (a GLBTQ community centre) in the queer west-end of Toronto, Ontario
Canada - Pride by Provinces, cities 2007 (updated May 11, 2007)Calgary, Alberta - Single day events June 1, 8, 10 and 16, 2007 Edmonton Alberta, June 15-24, 2007 Halifax, Nova Scotia, Date not set, 2007
Saint John, New Brunswick August 12-19, 2007 Montreal - Divers/Cité et la Fierté August 1-5, 2007Okanagan Valley, Date not set, 2007 Ottawa Pride - August 17-26, 2007Prince George , June 30 to July 8, 2007Vancouver B.C.Pride Parade, August 5, 2007Winnipeg, Manitoba, Sunday June 1 to 10, 2007Yellowknife , North West Terrorities No Pride event, 2007
Pride Events - Province of Ontario, Canada 2007 (update May 11, 2007)
Barrie, Ontario, Simcoe County - No Pride events since 2004?Cambridge , Kitchener and Waterloo, Ontario, Pride postponed until June 2008. Cornwall Ontario - September 1-2, 2007
Durham Region, Durham Pride Weekend, June 8 to 10, 2007Guelph, Saturday May 26, 2007Halton, Ontario, Milton, Oakville, Georgetown - Fall Pride for Halton on September 8th, 2007 Hamilton , Burlington, Niagara Region, Ontario - June 9th to 17th, 2007 London,Strafford, Woodstock area, Ontario - July 19 until July 29, 2007. Peel. (Mississauga, Ontario) No Dates set for 2007 Peterborough, ON No date set for 2007 Sarnia-lambton, Ontario - No pride day plans 2007Sudbury, Ontario- July 16 to 22, 2007 (new website) Sault Ste. Marie , ON No pride day plans 2007Toronto ON - (old gay village) Pride Parade on Yonge St., June 24, 2007 2 pm.Queer West Village - Toronto Home to largest queer festivals in North Ameica - Queer West June 15-22. & International Q Fest Oct.
Windsor Ontario - July 23-29, 2007
United States of America -Pride Events by city and state 2007 (Completed Saturday June 2,)Allentown PA Saturday June 16Albuquerque, New Mexico, USA - June 8-9 Annapolis, MD, USA - Wednesday August 25Arizona, USA Phoenix - April 14 & 15 Atlanta, Georgia USA - June 23-24Austin Pride, TX, Austin Pride Parade June 2ndBaltimore , MD, USA - June 17 & 17Bangor Maine, USA - Southern Maine Pride Saturday June 16 Birmingham, Alabama, USA - Central Alabama Pride June 1-10 Boise, Idaho, USA Boise Idaho Pride (nothing planned since 2004)
Boone North Carolina, June 8 & 9 Brooklyn , New York , June 9Boulder Col, USA (no event planned 2007) Boston, Mass., USA - June1-10Buffalo, N.Y. Burlington, Vermont - Parade June 3rdCape Cod - August 25 - Location: Mallory Dock/Club 477 Cedar Rapids PrideFest, Iowa, June 2Charlotte, North Carolina, USA - Charlotte Pride (no date set, 2007) Chicago, Illinois, USA - 38th Annual Parade, Sunday June 24Cincinnati, Ohio, USA - June 9 & 10Cleveland, Ohio, USA - Cleveland Pride Saturday June 16Columbus, Ohio Columbus Pride June 22-24 Columbia, South Carolina, USA September 22-24 Connecticut Pride
- Saturday June 30Delaware Pride , Delaware - Saturday September 15Dallas Texas - Sunday September 16 ParadeDenver, Colorado, Denver Pride June 23 & 24 Des Moines, Iowa - June 3-10Detroit, Michigan, USA Motor City Pride June 2 & 3Duluth , MN, USA Duluth Pride Festival - Labor Day Weekend September 1st, 2007Erie, Pennsylvania, Pride Picnic - June 2, 2007 Flagstaff , Arizona, USA - June 8 & 9Florida, South, USA - March 3, 2007Ft. Lauderdale, Florida - March 10-11, 2007Fredericksburg, Virginia, USA (no glbt pride since 2005) Gainesville. Florida, USA Gainesville Pride (no date set 2007)
Harrisburg , Pennsylvania, USA - Harrisburg Pride, Saturday July 28Hartford, Connecticut, USA - Hartford Pride Saturday June 30 Honolulu, Hawaii, USA - Honolulu Pride Sunday, May 27th thru Saturday, June 2nd Houston, Texas, USA - Houston Pride Saturday June 23Jacksonville, Florida, USA - Jacksonville Pride, Saturday July 28Jersey City , NJ - Jersey City Pride, Saturday August 25 Las Vegas, Nevada, USA - (server down?)Long Beach, California, USA Long Beach Pride May 19 & 20, 2007
Long Island, New York USA- Huntington, Long Island Pride Rally, Parade, and Festival Sunday, June 10, 2007 http://www.liprideparade.com/index2.html Los Angeles-West Christopher Street June 8, 9 and 10, 2007
,Mankato, Minnesota South Central Pride Festival - Saturday, September 8, 2007 Memphis Pride, Tenn., Mid-South Pride June 10Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA Milwaukee Pride June 8, 9 and 10Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA Minneapolis Pride June 15 to 24 Monterey, California July 13 & 14Nashville, Tennessee, USA PrideFest - June 1-3New Haven, Connecticut, USA - New Haven Connecticut Pride Saturday June 30 New Jersey, USA New Jersy - Sunday June 3rdNew Orleans , Louisiana, USA - Southern Decadence August 29 to September 3rdNew York City New York City, central pride - New York City Pride Week - June 17 to 24
North Carolina, USA NC Pride will take place on Saturday, September 29, 2007 at Duke University Oklahoma City , Oklahoma, USA Oklahoma City Pride -June 15 to 24Omaha, Nebraska, USA Omaha Gay Pride - June 8 & 9 Orlando, Florida, USA Orlando Gay Days - May 29 to June 4Palm Springs, California, USA - Palm Springs Pride Festival - November 3 & 4Pasadena, California, USA - Sunday September 17 Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA -Philadelphia Pride - Sunday June 10th.Phoenix, Arizona , USA - Phoenix Pride Parade & Party In The Park - April 14 & 15Pine City, Minnesota. 3rd year to celebrate "Pride in the Park" on Sunday, June 3rd from Noon to 5:00 P.M 2007Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, USA Pittsburgh Pride - June 16, 2007

Portland , OREGON, USA Lesbian/Gay/Bi/Trans Parade and Festival - June 16 & 17 Raleigh-Durham, North Carolina, USA Raleigh Pride - September 29th. Rochester- New York State - July 14, 2007St. Louis, Missouri, USA St. Louis - PrideFest 2007 will be June 23-24,San Antonio, USA San Antonio Pride - June 16 St. Petersburg , Florida, USA June 30thSan Diego, California, July 15, 21 and 22San Francisco San Francisco 37th Annual Pride June 23 & 24 San Luis Obispo, county California, USA San Luis Obispo Pride July 4 to 8San Jose, California, USA San Jose Pride - June 9 & 10Santa Barbara, California, USA Santa Barbara Pride June 5 to 12 Santa Cruz, California, USA June 3rd
Savannah, Georgia, USA - Saturday, September 15th, 2007Seattle, Washington, USA June 24th.South Carolina, City of Columbia, Black Pride June 18 to 24 Tucson, Arizona, USA Tucson Pride - October 13 Tulsa, Oklahoma, USA Tulsa Pride - June 2 to 8Utah , USA Pide June 1 to 3Washington DC, USA 32 Annual Pride celebration June 9 and 10Virginia State, USA - September 29th 2007
More:
http://digitalqueeries.905host.net/files/world_pride_days.htm

Catching Up on Stuff

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Took some time off and packed some of my leather and headed out to International Mr. Leather in Chicago last weekend.

Really had a great time. A lot of leather studs came out to play and party. Went to all of the events, and for the most part, had a great time.

The leathermart was the place to see and be seen. Also the grand lobby of the Palmer House Hotel was always crowed. Too bad that parts of the hotel were undergoing renovations for this year and part of next year. The work area cut into the lobby meet and greet space.

No surprises at the contest. The favored 3 were chosen, and nobody, except the other 17 semi-finalists went home disappointed. The show moved along with precision and was quite enjoyable.

It has taken me several days to recover, but I now feel ready to resume my normal leather life.

What is fascinating about IML is that you can strut your stuff, bare butt in chaps and booted, shirtless, harnessed, whatever. The confines of the Palmer House was each guy's personal fantasy playground. And most guys took full advantage of that opportunity.

The entrance to the hotel warned visitors that the entire hotel was booked for a private gathering until Tuesday morning. Seeing gay men controling their total environment, if only for a weekend, was empowering to watch and participate in.

This segregation was to the leather communities benefit. It served to allow us to enjoy our fetish and sexual freedom without harassment. The same, you will read below, has just happened in a gay hotel and bar in Melbourne, Australia.

Gay pub wins right to ban straights
Tue May 29, 10:16 AM ET
MELBOURNE (Reuters) - An Australian hotel catering for homosexuals has won the right to ban heterosexuals from its bars so as to provide a safe and comfortable venue for gay men.

In what is believed to be a first for Australia, the Victorian state civil and administrative tribunal ruled last week that the Peel Hotel in the southern city of Melbourne could exclude patrons based on their sexuality.
Australia's equal opportunity laws prevent people being discriminated against based on race, religion or sexuality.
But Peel Hotel owner Tom McFeely said the ruling was necessary to provide gay men with a non-threatening atmosphere to freely express their sexuality.
"If I can limit the number of heterosexuals entering the Peel, then that helps me keep the safe balance," Peel told Australian radio on Monday.

McFeely said that, while the hotel welcomed everyone, its gay clientele had expressed discomfort over the number of heterosexuals and lesbians coming to the venue in the past year.
He said there were more than 2,000 venues in Melbourne that catered to heterosexuals, but his hotel was the only one marketing itself predominantly to gay men.

Victoria's state human rights commission backed the ruling, saying it was in line with equal opportunity guidelines defending the rights of groups subject to discrimination.
Commission chief Helen Szoke said the hotel's gay clientele had experienced harassment and violence. "(They) also have felt as though they've been like a zoo exhibit with big groups of women on hens' parties coming to the club," Szoke told reporters.

McFeely told the radio that the hotel had received homophobic telephone calls since news of the ruling was made public.

I have visited the Peel Hotel on one of my visits to Melbourne. While I never felt uncomfortable, I didn't like straights mixing in with the rest of us. Sometimes it is better to have our own places to hang out and enjoy each other in an inviting environment. I really don't like to give big hairy muscle hugs to anyone other than woofy guys like yourself. That's my perogative. And I am sticking to that preference.

Being Fuzzy, Being Proud. But As Hot and Hairy As We Like Them, Some Guys Want to Shave Off Their Sexyness

Guys get serious about shaving their bodies
Neely Tucker / Washington Post

Spring, and a young man's thoughts turn to chest hair.

Also, that of the back, the belly, the shoulder and maybe regions farther south. It turns out that there is a hair-removal waxing procedure called the "Boy-zilian," the male equivalent of the Brazilian bikini wax, for which you would have to put your ankle behind your head in order to do it yourself, and we never want to think about that again.

Your chest, back, shoulders. Summer beckons. The pool, the beach. Skin revealed. Worries: Slack gut, man-boobs, back fur, being regarded as a metrosexual. You don't want to be prissy (unless you're into that), and yet you don't want to be so hirsute that some guy comes up to you at the pool, going: "Burt? Burt Reynolds?"

"Body hair is a major category of what guys worry about," says Glenn O'Brien, author of "The Style Guy" and a column by that title for GQ magazine. "It's in the realm of 'What color socks match my shoes and pants?' I could write a column on it every month."

You might be thinking this is a fad. One of those alleged trends like feminists burning their bras back in the day, or maybe like the mullet haircuts on guys in the 1980s.
This is not so.

Consider: Last May, Philips Norelco rolled out the $34.99 Bodygroom BG 2020, a shaver designed to trim or shave body hair. "It blew our sales projections out of the water," says Shannon Jenest, a spokeswoman for the company. "It took off in ways we couldn't imagine. We tripled our original forecast by the end of the year."

Or: Men's Health, a magazine aimed at working guys who work out, has had exactly two guys with chest hair on the cover in the last 17 years, according to Brian Boye, the magazine's fashion and grooming editor.

Or: Last summer, a guy named Brett Marut in Santa Monica, Calif., came out with a thing called Mangroomer. It's essentially a shaver on a stick, designed to enable you to reach around and shave your back. He priced it at $39.95, looking to appeal to guys in Flyover, America, who were too self-conscious to go to a salon to get it done, or even let their friends know they were trying it out. He didn't have much money, so he just put a couple of ads on Internet search engines. It was an instant hit, blossomed at online retailers and, 10 months later, Mangroomer is in every Bed Bath & Beyond in the country.

There's also Nair for Men, which sells for about $5 and promises to get rid of hair in four minutes by rubbing a cream on it.

Waxing, shaving, depilating, lasering men's body hair: It's all part of the beautification of the male animal, an aesthetic that genuflects before the ancient Greeks.
In real life, it is boys, not men, who are devoid of body hair, and for ages one sign of adult male virility was chest hair. To be devoid was to be effeminate. This continued in Western and American pop culture right through the last century. Men never considered grooming below the neck.

Nobody has an exact beginning point, but bodybuilders, starting with, say, Jack LaLanne in the 1940s, would hearken to that Grecian ideal, shaving their bodies for competition, the better for judges to appreciate every oiled and sculpted pec. There's a picture of LaLanne posing beachside about 1950. He looks like he's made out of marble. The only hair visible is on his head.

By the early 1980s, the hairless chest and back was catching on with gay guys. Like earrings, it began to cross over to fashion-conscious straight men, athletes and celebrities, and then into the mainstream.

"When it comes to vanity, gay men have been at the forefront, the trendsetters," Boye says.

"But now, with all the celebrities, magazine covers, the movies, it's appropriate and acceptable for anyone who wants to go bald to do it."

When I had finally thought the hairy musclebear look had returned for good, this article appears. I only hope it is a fad. Hot hairy guys rule. Mega hairy muscle hugs to that, and thankgoodness for our hot hairy muscle studs. Keep that body hair, sexy guys.

I Have Never Agreed With Andrew Sullivan, But I Guess There Is A First Time For Everything

And rarely do I continue a topic, but the Lord Browne of British Petroleum fame, deserves more coverage, because for loving another guy, though really young, and getting caught, and denying it, all of this brought a very powerful business executive to his knees.

Here are our Andy's thoughts on the whole mess.

Trapped in a glass closet of his own making
Andrew Sullivan

"The rule of thumb with all gay scandals is a very simple one. Would the same thing be a scandal if the central figure were heterosexual? In Lord Browne’s case the answer is clearly yes. It would still have been a scandal – a little one, to be sure, but a scandal nonetheless.

If a leading executive of a large company had met his girlfriend through an escort service and had subsequently attempted to lie about that in court, then he would have been forced to resign early as well. Browne has not been subject to a double standard or penalised because he is gay. Perjury is perjury. Ask Bill Clinton. Or Jonathan Aitken.

The more interesting question, it seems to me, is a prior one: why was Browne subject to blackmail in the first place?

It does not appear that he abused his position at BP to help Jeff Chevalier, his former boyfriend. BP doesn’t claim any financial impropriety. In fact, apart from the perjury and before the break-up, Browne seems to have been a gentleman throughout. So what was he afraid of? Yes, he’d met his lover through an escort service. An embarrassing detail, but not exactly the kind of thing to force a big executive to launch a legal jihad against a newspaper.

His real fear, it appears, was of being “outed” in the mass media, of having the fact of his sexual orientation a public matter. This is why, in an act of Wildean rashness, he brought The Mail on Sunday injunction. This is why he threw mounds of money and hired the best lawyers to keep a petty nonstory out of the papers.

But the principle for Browne was a clear one. He explained it thus: “In my 41 years with BP I have kept my private life separate from my business life. I have always regarded my sexuality as a personal matter, to be kept private.”

And yet the facts do not entirely bear this interpretation out. Browne openly socialised with his young lover, introduced him to colleagues and many members of the British Establishment. No one seems to have taken exception.

Tony and Gordon and Peter are not likely to take offence at an adult man in a gay relationship, however young and however attractive the lover. In fact the long list of honours and privileges and testimonials to Browne’s character bespeaks a British elite completely comfortable with a powerful and accomplished gay man in their midst.

Browne rose about as far as one can in the business world and is by any rational standard ridiculously wealthy. He lives in a country where gay couples have equal standing in the law (although still denied the word “marriage”), where gay culture is completely mainstream and where gay sex has been legal – for the most part at least – for 40 years and is now legal everywhere at the age of 16.

The pity one instinctively feels for Browne at this moment is therefore not because he was a man undone by homophobia. It is because he was a man undone by its opposite – by a culture so comfortable and at ease with homosexuality that it had surpassed his own comfort level and rendered his own strict view of “privacy” completely moot.

Browne was clearly struggling to cope with this social change and was experimenting in the new world. But in such experiments he was inexperienced. And the inexperience led to misjudgment. It often does.

Try to think of it from his perspective. Think of the world that the 59-year-old Browne has inhabited in one lifetime. When he was a teenager, homosexuality was literally unspeakable in polite society. British authorities were injecting the great Alan Turing with hormones to “cure” him of his orientation just as Browne was leaving primary school.

For the first 19 years of his life Browne could have been imprisoned for a relationship with another man. During his formative years of adolescence, Browne learnt what every gay boy or girl had to learn at the time: if you do not keep this a terrible secret you will perish.
Even after being largely decriminalised in 1967 the culture remained a strong force sustaining the stigma that Browne internalised. In the 1960s and 1970s it was far from easy for an ambitious scientist and businessman to have a life – that is, a mature relationship with another man – while having a serious career.

The secrecy and fear that were soldered onto a gay man’s psyche were not as easily detached from the world as a piece of Victorian legislation. And as the gay rights movement first blossomed as a countercultural force, it did not easily include Browne and his ilk – Establishment, mannered, private men and women.

For that generation their “discretion” was, and is, a matter of honour and pride. That this pride was inevitably entangled with the remnants of shame did not make it any the less treasured. “I have always regarded my sexuality as a personal matter, to be kept private” is almost a credo for a man of Browne’s generation. Younger generations scoff at this but they never had to acquire the psychological armour that a gay man needed in that era.

Societies, moreover, change more quickly than individuals do. This is especially the case with gay culture. Gays are a unique minority because we are almost all brought up as if we were heterosexuals in heterosexual families. We learn what it is to be gay from the general culture we imbibe as children and teens. As it changes, gay kids change. And quickly.

The difference between a culture that can safely mock “the only gay in the village” as comedy and a culture that would have beaten that gay to a pulp five decades ago is a vast one. And yet we have forgotten it so easily. A gay man who has lived through each of those decades is not in such an easy position.

I meet young gay men today who take it for granted that they can get married to someone they fall in love with.

When I was their age – only two decades ago – an argument for gay marriage was about as radical as it gets. If I feel somewhat left behind I can only imagine the perplexity Browne is grappling with this weekend.

Sympathy has its limits of course. Browne is a wealthy and privileged man. His remarkable achievements will soon outlast his temporary embarrassment. Besides, he foolishly tried to have it both ways: to live a life as an openly gay man, but to insist on controlling the disclosure of every aspect of that identity. In a culture where gayness is now unexceptional you cannot get away with this. You cannot simply segment your emotional and sexual life into a hermetically sealed “private zone”. No heterosexual can.

With acceptance come the same rules of public and private that heterosexuals have to live with. Browne could not be private about being gay in some contexts and public in other ones. Even a man as rich and powerful as he is cannot control the culture with that degree of precision.
He lived in what is best described as a glass closet. It’s when a gay man wants to have an openly gay life but not a publicly disclosed one. He tries to manage the contours of his identity on his own terms and in the way he was accustomed to in decades past. But those days are gone. With new freedom comes a transparency that also demands a new responsibility.

These are not easy adjustments, they merit compassion and understanding. But they are necessary if gay equality is to mean something tangible. Others didn’t see his glass closet but Browne did. That was the asymmetry that eventually righted itself. And so the glass shattered and the shards wounded. But the wounds heal. For so many others they already have. "

So the moral to the story maybe, be picky and careful who you chose, if you want to remain in a glass closet. But like glass houses, you'll soon be exposed, no matter how hard you try to cover up matters. An openly gay life and a publicly disclosed one do go hand-in-hand. One leads to the other, no matter how one tries to keep them separate. So you got to live with it and its consequences. In the long run, it will always be the better decision.

My 300th Blog Post. Unfortunately I Have To Report Yet Again About the Sexual Escapades of Powerful Closeted Gay Men

Oh how weak affairs of the cock and sometimes, heart are. But seriously, couldn't this have been handled differently? Is hiding a boytoy and then getting caught and exposed worth all the scandal, financial loss, and scrutiny?

As many of you may have read or heard, Lord John Browne, the former Chief Executive Officer of British Petroleum (BP) has been implicated in a corporate scandal involving his former gay lover, which has forced the 58 year old Lord Browne to resign his position in the company.

The following are exerpts from an article appearing in the publication, This Is London.

Dressed in Prada and housed in luxury, the young gay lover of Lord Browne, the shamed ex Chief Executive Officer of British Petroleum.

Lord Browne fell for the charms of Jeff Chevalier, (pictured above), a young Canadian computer operator, in 2002.

It is unclear how their paths crossed - Lord Browne originally claimed it was a chance meeting while he was "exercising" in Battersea Park, near his luxury London home, but later admitted that this was a lie. The truth was recently revealed that the two met courtesy of a male excort service. (More of this below).

However, it is clear that the pair became partners for four years and during that time Chevalier "adopted Lord Browne's [the Claimant's] lifestyle and was provided by him with food, travel, clothes and accommodation at a fairly luxurious level.

According to reports, the end of the affair came in 2006. According to court papers, when the relationship ended, Mr Chevalier went home to Canada but "found himself in financial difficulties and also having to adjust to a drastically reduced lifestyle".

Lord Browne helped his former lover by giving him money to help pay for a 12-month lease on a flat in Toronto and to buy furnishings after promising Chevalier "that if needed, [he] would assist in the first year of me transitioning from living in multi-million pound homes around the world, flying in private jets, five-star hotels, £2,000 suits, and so on to a less than modest life in Canada."

But Chevalier soon fell on hard times, the computer business Lord Browne bankrolled, now bankrupt, and by the end of 2006 was asking Lord Browne for more money.

On Christmas Eve, he emailed his ex-lover on holiday in the Caribbean, telling him: "I have nothing left to lose ... I am facing hunger and homelessness after four years of sharing your lifestyle ... the least I am asking for is some assistance ... please respond ... I do not want to embarrass you in any way but I am being cornered by your lack of response to my myriad attempts at communication."

It was after this missive, which Chevalier denied was intended as a threat, that he decided to make the affair public and Browne reached for his lawyers.

http://www.mailonsunday.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=452194&in_page_id=1770

But as more of the story unfolds, the two met up, thanks to the website, http://www.suitedandbooted.com

It is not known what drew Lord Browne to the site or when he first visited. It could have been idle curiosity, or perhaps it was word of mouth.

But at some point in 2002, it apparently led the multi-millionaire to Jeff Chevalier.

The site has a gallery of 100 male 'escorts'. Some appear in leather outfits and chains, others in a string of provocative poses some with faces visible, others hidden to disguise their identity. Underneath each image is a name. These include Romeo, Beloved and Big Alex.
Users can click on the image that takes their fancy and find individual profile pages with personal information and the promise of more pictures.

The homepage opens with the welcome 'Thank you for choosing to visit our site' and the offer of a first-name, friendly and personal service.

It claims to be the UK's first and largest web-based agency and an award winner, set up in 1998.
Bold lettering proclaims that all models featured on the site are over 18.

Suited and Booted is advertised with a string of similar agencies in listings columns on the Internet. One advertisement reads: 'Stunning, educated guys with great personalities and friendly attitude. One call to us and we make all the arrangements.'

Another promises 'discrete, friendly service from guys who enjoy their work'.

Curiously suitedandbooted.com appears to have a social conscience. A £1 charity donation is promised for every booking.

Yesterday the agency did not respond to phone calls or e-mail. Visitors to the website saw a message stating: 'We apologise that suitedandbooted.com is down due to technical reasons.'

I guess this source for boytoys won't be providing any outcalls this weekend in London.

So where is our boy Jeff hiding? According to the Toronto Globe and Mail, the whereabouts of Jeff Chevalier remained a mystery yesterday with his former lover suspecting that the 27-year-old Canadian, who single-handedly brought down a British oil tycoon, is holed up somewhere until his story is published in a London tabloid newspaper that bought it.

"I'm sure [The Mail on Sunday] has got him out of Toronto so no one can talk to him," John Trickey, ( an appropriate name, especially if they had ever gotten married), Mr. Chevalier's 48-year-old former lover, said yesterday from his Toronto home.

Mr. Chevalier's brother, Blair, also said he was not in the city. "I don't want to speak with you," Blair said before hanging up his cellphone.

The young Canadian is at the centre of a British scandal. Lord John Browne, the chief executive officer of BP PLC, abruptly resigned this week after losing a court battle to keep secret the details of a four-year affair with Mr. Chevalier. Now, The Mail on Sunday can publish details of the relationship.

Our boy Jeff has been described by his former lover as someone who loved a life of privilege that included whirlwind trips to London and New York and shopping sprees at Holt Renfrew.

Mr. Trickey said the young man left him when his Internet business was starting to collapse. He left for London and later met Lord Browne through an escort agency.

Mr. Trickey said he kept in touch with Mr. Chevalier. "Lord Browne lavished him with clothes and exclusive restaurants and trips," Mr. Trickey said yesterday.

Mr. Chevalier's sister, Courtney, did not respond to multiple requests for an interview yesterday. A woman who picked up the phone at the number listed for Mr. Chevalier's relative hung up when told it was a reporter calling. No one answered the building intercom buzzer for a Rexdale apartment listed as belonging to "Tom Chevalier."

After Mr. Chevalier's relationship with Lord Browne ended last year, he threatened to embarrass the oil tycoon, according to a court ruling. Mr. Chevalier alleges that Lord Browne used BP money to support him and shared company secrets.

Lord Browne denies those allegations. BP chairman John Sutherland said in a statement that the company has investigated the allegations and found them baseless. The scandal has left the blogsphere buzzing with theories and opinions about the relationship between the business tycoon and the Canadian.

But on a sadder note, why is this surprising? So Lord Browne (LB) wanted to act as a "daddy" to a young gay lad. Acting with his cock and on the downlow, LB, by not, first publically acknowledging this relationship, affair, early on, could have prevented the scandal by showing the public one side, or at least, pretending that Jeff was his assistant. But it seems that LB was hooked by the candy between the sheets and not necessarilyby the brains of the boy.

Like the "good, gay and horny" former governor from New Jersey, James E. McGreevey, LB chose to hide this from the press and the public. By being outed, LB faces the same shame as McGreevey did, before he could put a positive spin on it, and proclaim himself to be a "proud Gay American".

There is nothing wrong with older guy, younger guy relationships. But all of these men have handled them very badly. It takes a special kind of commitment to make them work. The boy has to have respect for the man, and the man has to have respect for the boy. Money and power, just seems to complicate matters.

Gay Yesterday, Gay Today, Gay Tomorrow. What Deep Roots We Have.

The following is from http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/manchester/6593281.stm

Ancient text shows 'gay activist'

Dr Hal Gladfelder discovered the document by chanceThe battle for gay rights may have been fought more than two centuries before the UK legalization of homosexuality.

The 18th Century writings of Thomas Cannon, believed to be one of the first gay activists, have been found by a University of Manchester academic.

They were contained in a handwritten scroll indicting the printer of his 1749 work "Ancient And Modern Pederasty Investigated And Exemplified".

The book was banned but the scroll has long, previously unheard, extracts.

Dr Hal Gladfelder found the parchment among a box of uncatalogued documents from 1750 while doing research at the National Archives in Kew.

The indictment suggests the book was an anthology of stories and philosophical texts in defence of male homosexuality. I think what happened to Cannon paved the way for 200 years of homophobic repression , said Dr Gladfelder.

One story deals with cross-dressing while others are translations of Greek and Latin homo-erotic texts. One of the extracts reads: "Unnatural desire is a contradiction in terms; downright nonsense.
"Desire is an amatory impulse of the inmost human parts."

Dr Gladfelder, from the School of Arts, Histories and Cultures, said: "This must be the first substantial treatment of homosexuality ever in English.

"The only other discussions of homosexuality were contained in violently moralistic and homophobic attacks or in trial reports for the crime of sodomy up to and beyond 1750."

Sodomy in England was a capital offence punishable by death until 1861 and homosexuality was banned until 1967.

Dr Gladfelder said Cannon fled to Europe to avoid punishment and no copies of the book itself survive.

"It's a fair assumption that Cannon was writing for a gay subculture at the time - which has largely remained hidden," he added. "Though he lived in anonymity - possibly because of the notoriety of his pamphlet - I certainly regard him as a martyr.

"I think what happened to Cannon paved the way for 200 years of homophobic repression," he added.

So our first gay scholar and activist was Thomas Cannon. You learn something everyday.

That just goes to show that while our battles for acceptance and equality seem to be recent, the war has gone on for a very long time.

Check out my Slide Show!

A Very Sad Week

We are mourning the senseless killing of gay brothers and sisters shot down in Blacksburg this week.

Gays among victims of Virginia Tech slayings‘It’s not a gay thing, it’s an everybody thing’By LOU CHIBBARO JR. Apr 19, 1:44 PM

Members of the gay student group at Virginia Tech joined other students in sharing their grief over the shooting rampage Monday that claimed the lives of 33 students, faculty and staff members and were struggling over the discovery that gay people were among the fallen, the leader of the group said Wednesday.

“Thirty-three people were killed,” said Curtis Dahn, president of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Alliance of Virginia Tech. “Some were queer, and others were straight allies. The GLBT community at Tech grieves in the same way as others — deeply and as part of a greater whole.”

Dahn declined to disclose the number of gay or lesbian students killed or wounded in the incident, nor would he identify them, saying he and the gay alliance group wanted to wait until they were certain all families were notified about the loss of their loved ones.

“Yes, there were gay people that were killed,” he said. “One was a very close friend of mine. But I don’t feel comfortable talking about it because I haven’t talked to the families and I want to be respectful to the families, first and foremost."

Dahn also said he doesn't "want this to be a gay thing, because it’s not a gay thing,” he said. “It’s an everybody thing.”

Dahn said that like all others at the college, members of the gay alliance were grappling with the realization that a Virginia Tech student, 23-year-old English major Cho Seung Hui, unleashed the nation’s deadliest shooting rampage on their campus.

Authorities said Cho was a South Korean native known as a loner who had been suffering from depression. He took his own life in a classroom in one of the school’s crowded engineering buildings as police closed in on him, authorities said. Minutes earlier, he fired two pistols at students, professors and staff members in the building’s halls and in other classrooms, leaving behind a scene of indescribable carnage, according to details released by police and campus security officials.

The shootings in the classroom building took place about two hours after Cho reportedly killed two other students, a male and female, in a student dormitory.

Dahn confirmed reports that at least one of the members of the gay alliance, undergraduate student Erin Sheehan, was a survivor of the shootings in the classroom building. Sheenhan described her harrowing experience in witnessing fellow students being struck by bullets in network television interviews. She could not be reached for this story.

“She was inside one of the classrooms and she survived only by playing dead,” Dahn said. “I can’t even begin to describe it.”

Dahn said the incident prompted his group to postpone campus activities associated with Wednesday's National Day of Silence. The annual event is sponsored by the New York-based Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network to draw attention to anti-gay and anti-transgender bullying, harassment and name-calling at the nation’s high schools and colleges.
“It’s the last thing on our minds right now,” he said.

Instead, the gay alliance is devoting all its time and resources to help the school and its students deal with the aftermath of the shooting incident, Dahn said.

“This is a painful time for all of us, and we really appreciate the huge influx of support from everyone,” he said. “We are coming together as Hokies and as human beings,” he said, referring to the term used to rally school spirit for its sports teams and student body.

“We are sharing in our grief, regardless of minority status or previous social groups. Tragedy has broken down barriers,” he said. “We mourn.”

Joe Solmonese, president of the Human Rights Campaign, the nation’s largest gay rights group, issued a statement Tuesday saying the group was joining the nation in mourning the loss of life at Virginia Tech brought about by the shooting rampage.

“Our prayers are with the students, faculty, families and the entire school community as the fact of this terrible tragedy unfold and as the enormity of the unprecedented loss sets in,” Solmonese said.
“America is a strong country with great resolve and it’s that resolve that will bring this country together in supporting the victims and their families and friends in the days ahead.”

We Still Have a Lot of Growing Up To Do

The following is an excerpt from a review of the movie, Boy Culture.

"Boys may be boys, but sharing a life with a boy is no easy feat. A man is what’s required, and Q. Allan Brocka’s film “Boy Culture” exposes the necessity for adulthood among gay men who value youth (and even immaturity) above all things."

"Framed by a sometimes-witty sometimes-intrusive voice over, the film tells the story of X (Derek Magyar), a high-end hustler, and his two roommates: the newly out Andrew (“Noah’s Arc’s” Darryl Stephens) and the professionally out Joey (Jonathon Trent). X is in love with Andrew, Andrew might be in love with X, and Joey is definitely in love and lust with X. Convoluted? Slightly. Implausible? Hardly."

"X and Andrew do end up trying to forge a relationship that’s based on love, but the pair has a lot of baggage to unpack first. Andrew still wants to explore other men in an open relationship, but finds X’s hustling repugnant. X, who believes that hustling is just a job, thinks that sleeping around for free is the morally reprehensible act. "

"The really interesting part of the mix comes in the form of Gregory (Patrick Bauchau), X’s newest client. The 79-year-old hasn’t left his apartment since his lover of 50 years died — eight years ago. While the odd couple doesn’t have sex until far into the film (and what a refreshing sex scene!), Gregory does guide X into a greater understanding of loving relationships because of his own rich past."

“BOY CULTURE” IS one of the better gay films to come along in recent memory. The snappy writing, courtesy of Brocka and Philip Pierce with inspiration from the novel written by Matthew Rettenmund, creates a witty and frequently stinging commentary on the characters and gay culture.

Love might be born in a look or a dinner date, but relationships require maturity, and in “Boy Culture,” each character needs to grow up, even the 79-year-old. It’s been a long-held theory that coming out starts a whole new period of emotional and sexual adolescence for the individual. Perhaps this is part of the reason why gay men have difficulty acting like adults in their relationships with friends and lovers.

"While Joey might be the most obviously “young” character (his emotions vacillate wildly and he’s willing to burn all his bridges), the chronologically older characters act in similar ways, just with less flair. Each character is trying to come to terms with the rigors of gay adulthood, without any role models in sight. If they could watch their own stories, they just might find the guideposts they need."

Sounds like the coming of age gay male flick that hasn't been made in about 20 years. Gay adulthood takes balls to live through. What gay men seem to always fall back on is that little boy inside us. That's a big mistake. We need to "man-up" and take responsibility for our actions, whatever the consequences.

Roseanne Barr made a remark this past week that has gotten herself into a lot of trouble, but not Imus type trouble. Her remark about gay activists always talking about "it", the gay struggle, and the perception that they are one dimensional since they always talk about the "we", can appear selfish to straights who support us. We got to be more than one issue gay guys. Yes, we want equality and yes we deserve it. But sometimes we come off as "in your face", instead of persuasive and "equal opportunity" caring guys.

Rosie O'Donnell is accused as coming across as a loud-mouth lesbian. She brings up gay rights every weekday into the homes of millions of gay and straight viewers, on her bully TV pulpit, "the View". But when Roseanne was a guest recently on 'the View", the ladies shared the view that the working middle class in this society today is getting the short end of the stick. This is not just a straight issue but a gay issue. It's an economic issue. We are working harder and enjoying it less.

These ladies are both rich, but they can see how the rest of us, gay or straight, are getting screwed. Everyone wants what everyone else who has it better, got, and no one seems to care about the other guy's struggles and hardships. It's a "me too and the hell with you" mindset that never gets to the collective issue. First we got to end this bloody war, then with a bit of persuasion, maybe the majority in this country can be convinced that it's ok for same sex couples to get married and get an economic benefit in terms of a tax break, the same that married straights currently enjoy. But this right is never going to be given to us on a silver platter.

We have to be adult men and earn the legal rights to anything straight society takes for granted. So what, if straight married couples screw it up by getting divorced. We have to prove to straight society and to ourselves, that we are better than them because we are compassionate, civil, smarter, and more creative in adversity than they will ever be.

So let's pull ourselves up by the jockstrap, put on those boots, millions of pecs strong, and stand up for our equality. Not by getting in society's face, but by collective action. Talk is cheap, standing around and criticizing is ineffective. It takes action. Straight society needs to see us as more than guys who can coordinate paint colors or drive the latest sports car. Let's get down and dirty. I'm all for playing in the mud. WOOF.

Straight Men Playing Their Gay Card for Financial Benefit

This just in from Out Magazine. It seems that various straight men love flirting with us. Yes, they seem to want to get into our wallets, and if it means getting into our pants, then they are up to the challenge.

One of the members of the rock bank, Grizzly Bear, loves to hit on gay men. When he's in a homocentric situation, ( a nifty catch phrase I haven't come across before), he feels that he needs to fit in more, so he lays it on. For him, flirting opens up the gate.

Party promoters, journalists, those weird European men, it seems that they appear to be putting on a convincing front. So these guys spill their guts to the author, Will Doig, and most of those guys interviewed for the article admit to being horny. And they like the attention. They feel, if they are so hot, then they can be attractive in either world.

So, guys, are these sluts bisexual, closet gay men, or just guys who like to have guys hit on them, for sport and financial gain? I think these guys are hiding something. Being blunt, they appear to be messed up fucks. I wouldn't waste a hairy muscle hug on any of them.

What Guys Are Truly Missing When They Only Cruise the "Cover"

The following is exerpted from an article appearing at http://www.edgephiladelphia.com

Tim Bergling is the Margaret Mead of the tribal rituals, customs, and psycho-sexual behavior of gay men. The author of Sissyphobia: Gay men and Effeminate Behavior, Reeling in the Years: Gay Men’s Perspectives on Age and Ageism, and his latest, Chasing Adonis, looks at the cult and illusion of male beauty. Through interviews and polling, Bergling collates and dissects the raw data on the gay male pecking order.

Bergling’s research is more anecdotal than scientific, but there is something to be said for keeping it real with unorthodox field work. Scrap anthropological methodology; Adonis is part John Rechy and part Sex and the City. This volume is a survival guide for the sex romps of Fire Island, the local parks and truckstops, and the bathhouses, mostly past, from the meat racks to the cloths racks, the gyms, the bars, the Halls of Congress, and all points inbetween.

Of course, much of this reflects what is on the GLBT codes-and-conduct, hard-wired gaydar, with individual tweaks, that Bergling seeks to speciously, validate, if not prove. The real fun is Bergling’s collection of tales of elusive encounters with beautiful men - the mythic gardener, the swim god, the ripe go-go boy at Tracks, a now closed DC gay disco, and all those elusive Adonises that have blipped across various beaten-down paths. Bergling has practical advice about gay mating dances - from hook-ups to dating etiquette - and any attendant head games. Passages on how to be rejected with dignity, or reject someone delicately, for instance, can serve as a ’how to’ manual to avoid seduction missteps.

The chapter on body types wittily reads like old Charles Atlas testimonials of weight lifting, but completely uninhibited from a homo point of view. Thankfully, it isn’t cutesy, a la Queer Eye. But, like Narcissus, obsession with the body becomes as shallow in the mind as the broken image in the water. Berling even relates a personal story about a ’hands on’ assignment for Instinct Magazine about masterbating in cyberspace.

And so, through the author, you learn in reading this book, "Who's a dude or dud?" Didn’t Cosmopolitan conduct the same survey in the 70s (or was that After Dark?) (God, this guy really did his research) He even devotes an entire chapter, titled, "Survey Says," with results on pie-charts from a cross section of gay men on what they find as hot or not.

Case in point: a chart divided into slices marked with legends like, I do not exercise; I exercise, but don’t belong to any gym; I go to a gym to work out; I go to the gym to check out other guys; I go to the gym to work out, and to check out other guys. Some charts track trends as relevant as the percentage of men who were fat once and then lost weight (and visa versa). We all have our types, such as "I like guys with fuzzy bodies, lots of body hair," and as crucial as the percentage of men who say, "I like guys with a lot of muscle. Deep...dense... tissue, here.

At its best, Adonis’ stories about what drives gay male libido makes it an erotic journey about queer male sexual energy. Not to mock the sincerity of the shallowness of gay male obsession with the body, which, as Bergling proves, can be mind-numbingly profound. Bergling write in a witty manner that he allows the reader to expose himself to why, for the most part, gay men are so shallow.

It is really a shame that gay guys look only at the surface. Oh what they are missing. I too sometimes get carried away by the flesh. (Hell, I post those hottie pix above to get your attention). But being superficial isn't going to get you the man of your dreams. Yea, its nice to see a hot guy shirtless, and beefy. But can he be passionate, hot in the sack, and make a mean french toast in the morning? Guys who waste away their lives looking for Adonis will be left with an empty life. There is something hot about any guy. You just have to invest time to explore those hidden gems.

There Goes The Gayborhood

Community activists worry that "gayborhoods" are losing their relevance as gays win legal rights and greater social acceptance.

"Thirty years ago, if I lived in the Midwest and I was gay, my thought was I would go to San Francisco or New York," says Gary Gates, a demographer for the Williams Institute, a think tank at UCLA that specializes in sexual orientation and the law. "Now, a person can go to Kansas City and find a fairly active and open gay community."

In fact, from 2000 to 2005, the 10 states with the biggest increases in the percentage of gay couples were all in the Midwest, Gates said. Sandy Sachs, a nightclub owner in gay-friendly West Hollywood, has started promoting special dance nights for straight Iranians, Israelis and Russians because her gay clientele has fallen off. Sachs said that many gay men and lesbians now prefer to meet potential partners on the Internet.

Another factor contributing to the decline of gay neighborhoods: Many young gays feel comfortable mixing with people of different genders and sexual orientations. "We don't want to ostracize ourselves," said Matty, 20, who moved to San Francisco's diverse Mission District from nearby Petaluma three years ago. Activists agree it is a good thing that gay people no longer feel confined to the Castro, but some fear younger generations will overlook their history. "We have Chinatown and Japantown and so forth, and that's important for minority communities in this country, to have a place where they can get a sense of being the majority," said Joe Curtin, an architect who serves as president of Castro Area Planning Action. "But if you took those away, you would still have China and Japan. If the Castro goes away as a gay neighborhood, there is nowhere else. "

With ever rising real estate prices, maybe it is time for gay men to find other "gayborhoods" away from the main urban core. Older suburbs have many of the same features of larger downtown clusters. Maybe opening a bar in a community where there is cheap housing and access to jobs in the urban area, may be the new gay frontier. This exodus may already be happening. With a conservative figure of around 300,000 unmarried cohabitating male households and growing, this may well be the trend. Just think of the all male eye-candy landscaping the front lawns of suburbia as hunky guys tend to mowing and working in their yards. WOOF.

Gay Men and the Corporate Ladder. Do We Make Better Bosses?

According to this month's Details Magazine, a study has revealed that gay men do make better bosses and supervisors.

Why Gay Men Make the Best Bosses
America's most desirable managers all have one thing in common: homosexuality. —By Danielle Sacks—

Only three months into his senior manager gig at a Fortune 500 company, Matthew Klein was in way over his head. "I finally walked into my boss's office, threw my hands in the air, and said, 'I'm feeling totally overwhelmed and inadequate,'" he explains. "I basically had a breakdown." Many managers would have reacted to such a display by telling him to get back out there and grow a pair. But Klein's boss had the opposite reaction: First he reassured Klein he was doing a great job, then he helped him prioritize his workload so that it became manageable. "It's not like he's this fuzzy guy who would reach across the table and hug you in a meeting—he's tough as nails," says Klein of Robert Ollander-Krane, who is director of learning and development for the company. "But he allowed me to be completely honest about my circumstances. Now we have this huge foundation of trust."

Wouldn't that be nice—a boss who actually gave a damn. And while it's not conclusive, evidence suggests that one of the reasons Ollander-Krane is so effective is that he's part of a new breed—gay managers—who could be becoming America's most desirable bosses.

In The G Quotient: Why Gay Executives Are Excelling as Leaders . . . and What Every Manager Needs to Know, author and USC business-school professor Kirk Snyder argues that gay bosses embody a style of personalized attention that allows high-maintenance Gen Xers and Yers to maximize their performance. "Gay executives tend to look at how each individual brings unique abilities, and they see their job as figuring out how best to take advantage of those skills," he says.

In fact, during Snyder's five-year study of American executives, he stumbled on some startling findings: Gay male bosses produce 35 to 60 percent higher levels of employee engagement, satisfaction, and morale than straight bosses. This is no small achievement: According to human-resources consulting firm Towers Perrin, only a measly 14 percent of the global corporate workforce are fully engaged by their jobs. And the Saratoga Institute, a group that measures the effectiveness of HR departments, found that in a study of 20,000 workers who had quit their jobs, the primary motivator for jumping ship was their supervisors' behavior.
So what makes gay bosses different? It may have to do with the way they survived high school. "Gay people are constantly having to dodge and weave and assess how and where they're going as they grow up," says Snyder. "And that manifests itself as three huge skills: adaptability, intuitive communications, and creative problem-solving." In other words, your boss is cool with your leaving a little early one day a week to pick up your kid from school, or happy to offer a learning experience that helps you close a crucial deal.

Gay executives note that the reflection and candidness required for coming out mean that by the time they get to the workplace, gay men are often secure in their identity and don't feel the need to abuse people in order to boost their ego. "It makes you really honest with yourself and everyone around you," says Chris McCarthy, a vice president at MTV Networks who came out 10 years ago. He believes the experience has allowed him to tap into the individual needs of his seven team members, including two discontented employees whom he recently helped find new positions within the company. "I think it's really important that you give people the opportunity to have self-respect, even if that means helping them leave a job in the way they want to," he explains.

And this kind of empathetic management style is both gay and straight benefiting employees. When Brian Wachur, 23, wasn't getting the promotion he'd been waiting for at his D.C. PR firm, he approached his gay manager, Jason Smith. "I was nervous about what he was going to say, but he was able to tell me where I could improve in a really constructive way," he says. "It was a big contrast to other managers I had had in the past." Wachur soon got the new title, and he now considers Smith his professional mentor. "It's definitely surprising to me that I have a 38-year-old gay male in my life who is such a huge influence."

Matthew Klein says that working for a gay boss has taught him that emotionally honest doesn't equate to weak in the workplace. "Your typical hetero male is programmed as a boy that there are two emotions: angry and tired," he says. "These are gross limitations that restrict our ability to be great managers."

But being gay doesn't give you a monopoly on management skills. "The only managers that succeed are ones that have energy and are outgoing and interested," says Richard Laermer, the gay CEO of a New York-based PR firm and co-author of Punk Marketing: Get Off Your Ass and Join the Revolution. "If that's a gay thing, then mazel tov, but I know the same number of straight managers who are emotional and caring." And one gay vice president at a financial firm says his leadership traits come from his life history, not from anything related to his sexual orientation. "I was in the military, in a fraternity, and played a varsity sport," he says. "I feel like I spend my life explaining that what I'm saying or doing has nothing to do with the fact that I'm gay."

That said, if your new boss happens to be gay, chances are you'll be happier and more fulfilled in your job. And even if you're not, the consolation is that there's still one area in which he's likely to excel. Says Smith, "We throw the fiercest holiday parties."

I've been a manager, as well as have had managers. I feel that I am a good listener and a good judge of character. I think gay men do have certain characteristics that make them better bosses. But there are always the exception. In-the-closet types can be the bosses from hell. I had one of them, and he was a real prick. Also I hear that multi-billionaire businessman David Geffen can be a hard person to work for. But the head of Rolling Stone, Jann Wenner, is a great guy to work for, and a nurturing publisher.

Something related, one of the earliest gay character actors on TV has died. John Inman, who played Mr. Humphries on the classic Brit TV sitcom, "Are You Being Served?" died yesterday.

More from the advocate.com

Trailblazing gay actor John Inman dies

Actor John Inman, popular for his memorably camp role as Mr. Humphries in the '70s sitcom Are You Being Served?, died Thursday in London. He was 71.

Inman died in St Mary's Hospital in Paddington after suffering a hepatitis A infection.

His character's catchphrase, "I'm free," and suggestive sexual humor made Inman a star, and he starred in more than 40 pantos—traditional Yuletide family entertainments that include double entendres and male and female drag as well as lots of jokes for the kiddies.

Named BBC personality of the year and "Funniest Man on Television" by TV Times in 1976, Inman remained popular long after the show ended in 1985. He went on to star in an Australian version of the show in the early 1980s and also appeared on BBC's 2004 series Revolver.

Are You Being Served?, about a stuffy department store staffed by lovable eccentrics, reached the United States in the late 1980s, where it became a cult hit.

When publicly questioned about his sexuality, Inman remained coy for many years, but admitted that he could be bisexual.

However, in late 2005, Inman made his sexual orientation public when he entered into a civil partnership with his partner of 33 years, Ron Lynch. Lynch is said to be "devastated" by Inman's death.

Although Mr. Humphries was widely criticized as a gay stereotype, actress Rula Lenska, who worked with Inman, defended the gay undertones of the character.

"It was suggestive, but never in-your-face or aggressive. It had an innocent quality that you rarely find today," she told the BBC.

Inman "was a joy to work with, and even after an exhausting day in pantomime he would have time for the fans who crowded round the stage door," Lenska said. MY NOTE: GOSH, RULA LENSKA is still around?

Wendy Richard, who played shop assistant Miss Brahms in the series, told BBC Radio 4's Today program: "John was one of the wittiest and most inventive actors I've ever worked with. He was a brilliant, brilliant pantomime dame, and he was a very good all-round actor, really. He was a true professional."

Inman's manager, Phil Dale, said, "John was known and loved throughout the world. He was one of the best and finest pantomime dames working to capacity audiences throughout Britain. John was known for his comedy plays and farces, which were enjoyed from London's West End throughout the country and as far as Australia, Canada, and the USA."

George Broadhead, secretary of the Gay and Lesbian Humanist Association, told Gay.com that at the time of the show, "Inman became a bit of a bête noire for the gay community for promoting stereotypes of gay men as effeminate."

However, he said, "The gay community has grown up since then and has come to appreciate its trailblazers. Inman fits into the same mold as Larry Grayson and Frankie Howard. We can actually see reruns of Are You Being Served? and appreciate their zaniness now rather than cringing at stereotypes." (Hassan Mirza, Gay.com/U.K.)

I always enjoyed his character for comic relief, especially his interaction on the set in scenes with the character Mrs. Slocum and his eye movements when she mentioned her "pussy". I made sure I never acted like him. He will be missed.