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A Very Sad Week

We are mourning the senseless killing of gay brothers and sisters shot down in Blacksburg this week.

Gays among victims of Virginia Tech slayings‘It’s not a gay thing, it’s an everybody thing’By LOU CHIBBARO JR. Apr 19, 1:44 PM

Members of the gay student group at Virginia Tech joined other students in sharing their grief over the shooting rampage Monday that claimed the lives of 33 students, faculty and staff members and were struggling over the discovery that gay people were among the fallen, the leader of the group said Wednesday.

“Thirty-three people were killed,” said Curtis Dahn, president of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Alliance of Virginia Tech. “Some were queer, and others were straight allies. The GLBT community at Tech grieves in the same way as others — deeply and as part of a greater whole.”

Dahn declined to disclose the number of gay or lesbian students killed or wounded in the incident, nor would he identify them, saying he and the gay alliance group wanted to wait until they were certain all families were notified about the loss of their loved ones.

“Yes, there were gay people that were killed,” he said. “One was a very close friend of mine. But I don’t feel comfortable talking about it because I haven’t talked to the families and I want to be respectful to the families, first and foremost."

Dahn also said he doesn't "want this to be a gay thing, because it’s not a gay thing,” he said. “It’s an everybody thing.”

Dahn said that like all others at the college, members of the gay alliance were grappling with the realization that a Virginia Tech student, 23-year-old English major Cho Seung Hui, unleashed the nation’s deadliest shooting rampage on their campus.

Authorities said Cho was a South Korean native known as a loner who had been suffering from depression. He took his own life in a classroom in one of the school’s crowded engineering buildings as police closed in on him, authorities said. Minutes earlier, he fired two pistols at students, professors and staff members in the building’s halls and in other classrooms, leaving behind a scene of indescribable carnage, according to details released by police and campus security officials.

The shootings in the classroom building took place about two hours after Cho reportedly killed two other students, a male and female, in a student dormitory.

Dahn confirmed reports that at least one of the members of the gay alliance, undergraduate student Erin Sheehan, was a survivor of the shootings in the classroom building. Sheenhan described her harrowing experience in witnessing fellow students being struck by bullets in network television interviews. She could not be reached for this story.

“She was inside one of the classrooms and she survived only by playing dead,” Dahn said. “I can’t even begin to describe it.”

Dahn said the incident prompted his group to postpone campus activities associated with Wednesday's National Day of Silence. The annual event is sponsored by the New York-based Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network to draw attention to anti-gay and anti-transgender bullying, harassment and name-calling at the nation’s high schools and colleges.
“It’s the last thing on our minds right now,” he said.

Instead, the gay alliance is devoting all its time and resources to help the school and its students deal with the aftermath of the shooting incident, Dahn said.

“This is a painful time for all of us, and we really appreciate the huge influx of support from everyone,” he said. “We are coming together as Hokies and as human beings,” he said, referring to the term used to rally school spirit for its sports teams and student body.

“We are sharing in our grief, regardless of minority status or previous social groups. Tragedy has broken down barriers,” he said. “We mourn.”

Joe Solmonese, president of the Human Rights Campaign, the nation’s largest gay rights group, issued a statement Tuesday saying the group was joining the nation in mourning the loss of life at Virginia Tech brought about by the shooting rampage.

“Our prayers are with the students, faculty, families and the entire school community as the fact of this terrible tragedy unfold and as the enormity of the unprecedented loss sets in,” Solmonese said.
“America is a strong country with great resolve and it’s that resolve that will bring this country together in supporting the victims and their families and friends in the days ahead.”

We Still Have a Lot of Growing Up To Do

The following is an excerpt from a review of the movie, Boy Culture.

"Boys may be boys, but sharing a life with a boy is no easy feat. A man is what’s required, and Q. Allan Brocka’s film “Boy Culture” exposes the necessity for adulthood among gay men who value youth (and even immaturity) above all things."

"Framed by a sometimes-witty sometimes-intrusive voice over, the film tells the story of X (Derek Magyar), a high-end hustler, and his two roommates: the newly out Andrew (“Noah’s Arc’s” Darryl Stephens) and the professionally out Joey (Jonathon Trent). X is in love with Andrew, Andrew might be in love with X, and Joey is definitely in love and lust with X. Convoluted? Slightly. Implausible? Hardly."

"X and Andrew do end up trying to forge a relationship that’s based on love, but the pair has a lot of baggage to unpack first. Andrew still wants to explore other men in an open relationship, but finds X’s hustling repugnant. X, who believes that hustling is just a job, thinks that sleeping around for free is the morally reprehensible act. "

"The really interesting part of the mix comes in the form of Gregory (Patrick Bauchau), X’s newest client. The 79-year-old hasn’t left his apartment since his lover of 50 years died — eight years ago. While the odd couple doesn’t have sex until far into the film (and what a refreshing sex scene!), Gregory does guide X into a greater understanding of loving relationships because of his own rich past."

“BOY CULTURE” IS one of the better gay films to come along in recent memory. The snappy writing, courtesy of Brocka and Philip Pierce with inspiration from the novel written by Matthew Rettenmund, creates a witty and frequently stinging commentary on the characters and gay culture.

Love might be born in a look or a dinner date, but relationships require maturity, and in “Boy Culture,” each character needs to grow up, even the 79-year-old. It’s been a long-held theory that coming out starts a whole new period of emotional and sexual adolescence for the individual. Perhaps this is part of the reason why gay men have difficulty acting like adults in their relationships with friends and lovers.

"While Joey might be the most obviously “young” character (his emotions vacillate wildly and he’s willing to burn all his bridges), the chronologically older characters act in similar ways, just with less flair. Each character is trying to come to terms with the rigors of gay adulthood, without any role models in sight. If they could watch their own stories, they just might find the guideposts they need."

Sounds like the coming of age gay male flick that hasn't been made in about 20 years. Gay adulthood takes balls to live through. What gay men seem to always fall back on is that little boy inside us. That's a big mistake. We need to "man-up" and take responsibility for our actions, whatever the consequences.

Roseanne Barr made a remark this past week that has gotten herself into a lot of trouble, but not Imus type trouble. Her remark about gay activists always talking about "it", the gay struggle, and the perception that they are one dimensional since they always talk about the "we", can appear selfish to straights who support us. We got to be more than one issue gay guys. Yes, we want equality and yes we deserve it. But sometimes we come off as "in your face", instead of persuasive and "equal opportunity" caring guys.

Rosie O'Donnell is accused as coming across as a loud-mouth lesbian. She brings up gay rights every weekday into the homes of millions of gay and straight viewers, on her bully TV pulpit, "the View". But when Roseanne was a guest recently on 'the View", the ladies shared the view that the working middle class in this society today is getting the short end of the stick. This is not just a straight issue but a gay issue. It's an economic issue. We are working harder and enjoying it less.

These ladies are both rich, but they can see how the rest of us, gay or straight, are getting screwed. Everyone wants what everyone else who has it better, got, and no one seems to care about the other guy's struggles and hardships. It's a "me too and the hell with you" mindset that never gets to the collective issue. First we got to end this bloody war, then with a bit of persuasion, maybe the majority in this country can be convinced that it's ok for same sex couples to get married and get an economic benefit in terms of a tax break, the same that married straights currently enjoy. But this right is never going to be given to us on a silver platter.

We have to be adult men and earn the legal rights to anything straight society takes for granted. So what, if straight married couples screw it up by getting divorced. We have to prove to straight society and to ourselves, that we are better than them because we are compassionate, civil, smarter, and more creative in adversity than they will ever be.

So let's pull ourselves up by the jockstrap, put on those boots, millions of pecs strong, and stand up for our equality. Not by getting in society's face, but by collective action. Talk is cheap, standing around and criticizing is ineffective. It takes action. Straight society needs to see us as more than guys who can coordinate paint colors or drive the latest sports car. Let's get down and dirty. I'm all for playing in the mud. WOOF.

Straight Men Playing Their Gay Card for Financial Benefit

This just in from Out Magazine. It seems that various straight men love flirting with us. Yes, they seem to want to get into our wallets, and if it means getting into our pants, then they are up to the challenge.

One of the members of the rock bank, Grizzly Bear, loves to hit on gay men. When he's in a homocentric situation, ( a nifty catch phrase I haven't come across before), he feels that he needs to fit in more, so he lays it on. For him, flirting opens up the gate.

Party promoters, journalists, those weird European men, it seems that they appear to be putting on a convincing front. So these guys spill their guts to the author, Will Doig, and most of those guys interviewed for the article admit to being horny. And they like the attention. They feel, if they are so hot, then they can be attractive in either world.

So, guys, are these sluts bisexual, closet gay men, or just guys who like to have guys hit on them, for sport and financial gain? I think these guys are hiding something. Being blunt, they appear to be messed up fucks. I wouldn't waste a hairy muscle hug on any of them.

What Guys Are Truly Missing When They Only Cruise the "Cover"

The following is exerpted from an article appearing at http://www.edgephiladelphia.com

Tim Bergling is the Margaret Mead of the tribal rituals, customs, and psycho-sexual behavior of gay men. The author of Sissyphobia: Gay men and Effeminate Behavior, Reeling in the Years: Gay Men’s Perspectives on Age and Ageism, and his latest, Chasing Adonis, looks at the cult and illusion of male beauty. Through interviews and polling, Bergling collates and dissects the raw data on the gay male pecking order.

Bergling’s research is more anecdotal than scientific, but there is something to be said for keeping it real with unorthodox field work. Scrap anthropological methodology; Adonis is part John Rechy and part Sex and the City. This volume is a survival guide for the sex romps of Fire Island, the local parks and truckstops, and the bathhouses, mostly past, from the meat racks to the cloths racks, the gyms, the bars, the Halls of Congress, and all points inbetween.

Of course, much of this reflects what is on the GLBT codes-and-conduct, hard-wired gaydar, with individual tweaks, that Bergling seeks to speciously, validate, if not prove. The real fun is Bergling’s collection of tales of elusive encounters with beautiful men - the mythic gardener, the swim god, the ripe go-go boy at Tracks, a now closed DC gay disco, and all those elusive Adonises that have blipped across various beaten-down paths. Bergling has practical advice about gay mating dances - from hook-ups to dating etiquette - and any attendant head games. Passages on how to be rejected with dignity, or reject someone delicately, for instance, can serve as a ’how to’ manual to avoid seduction missteps.

The chapter on body types wittily reads like old Charles Atlas testimonials of weight lifting, but completely uninhibited from a homo point of view. Thankfully, it isn’t cutesy, a la Queer Eye. But, like Narcissus, obsession with the body becomes as shallow in the mind as the broken image in the water. Berling even relates a personal story about a ’hands on’ assignment for Instinct Magazine about masterbating in cyberspace.

And so, through the author, you learn in reading this book, "Who's a dude or dud?" Didn’t Cosmopolitan conduct the same survey in the 70s (or was that After Dark?) (God, this guy really did his research) He even devotes an entire chapter, titled, "Survey Says," with results on pie-charts from a cross section of gay men on what they find as hot or not.

Case in point: a chart divided into slices marked with legends like, I do not exercise; I exercise, but don’t belong to any gym; I go to a gym to work out; I go to the gym to check out other guys; I go to the gym to work out, and to check out other guys. Some charts track trends as relevant as the percentage of men who were fat once and then lost weight (and visa versa). We all have our types, such as "I like guys with fuzzy bodies, lots of body hair," and as crucial as the percentage of men who say, "I like guys with a lot of muscle. Deep...dense... tissue, here.

At its best, Adonis’ stories about what drives gay male libido makes it an erotic journey about queer male sexual energy. Not to mock the sincerity of the shallowness of gay male obsession with the body, which, as Bergling proves, can be mind-numbingly profound. Bergling write in a witty manner that he allows the reader to expose himself to why, for the most part, gay men are so shallow.

It is really a shame that gay guys look only at the surface. Oh what they are missing. I too sometimes get carried away by the flesh. (Hell, I post those hottie pix above to get your attention). But being superficial isn't going to get you the man of your dreams. Yea, its nice to see a hot guy shirtless, and beefy. But can he be passionate, hot in the sack, and make a mean french toast in the morning? Guys who waste away their lives looking for Adonis will be left with an empty life. There is something hot about any guy. You just have to invest time to explore those hidden gems.

There Goes The Gayborhood

Community activists worry that "gayborhoods" are losing their relevance as gays win legal rights and greater social acceptance.

"Thirty years ago, if I lived in the Midwest and I was gay, my thought was I would go to San Francisco or New York," says Gary Gates, a demographer for the Williams Institute, a think tank at UCLA that specializes in sexual orientation and the law. "Now, a person can go to Kansas City and find a fairly active and open gay community."

In fact, from 2000 to 2005, the 10 states with the biggest increases in the percentage of gay couples were all in the Midwest, Gates said. Sandy Sachs, a nightclub owner in gay-friendly West Hollywood, has started promoting special dance nights for straight Iranians, Israelis and Russians because her gay clientele has fallen off. Sachs said that many gay men and lesbians now prefer to meet potential partners on the Internet.

Another factor contributing to the decline of gay neighborhoods: Many young gays feel comfortable mixing with people of different genders and sexual orientations. "We don't want to ostracize ourselves," said Matty, 20, who moved to San Francisco's diverse Mission District from nearby Petaluma three years ago. Activists agree it is a good thing that gay people no longer feel confined to the Castro, but some fear younger generations will overlook their history. "We have Chinatown and Japantown and so forth, and that's important for minority communities in this country, to have a place where they can get a sense of being the majority," said Joe Curtin, an architect who serves as president of Castro Area Planning Action. "But if you took those away, you would still have China and Japan. If the Castro goes away as a gay neighborhood, there is nowhere else. "

With ever rising real estate prices, maybe it is time for gay men to find other "gayborhoods" away from the main urban core. Older suburbs have many of the same features of larger downtown clusters. Maybe opening a bar in a community where there is cheap housing and access to jobs in the urban area, may be the new gay frontier. This exodus may already be happening. With a conservative figure of around 300,000 unmarried cohabitating male households and growing, this may well be the trend. Just think of the all male eye-candy landscaping the front lawns of suburbia as hunky guys tend to mowing and working in their yards. WOOF.

Gay Men and the Corporate Ladder. Do We Make Better Bosses?

According to this month's Details Magazine, a study has revealed that gay men do make better bosses and supervisors.

Why Gay Men Make the Best Bosses
America's most desirable managers all have one thing in common: homosexuality. —By Danielle Sacks—

Only three months into his senior manager gig at a Fortune 500 company, Matthew Klein was in way over his head. "I finally walked into my boss's office, threw my hands in the air, and said, 'I'm feeling totally overwhelmed and inadequate,'" he explains. "I basically had a breakdown." Many managers would have reacted to such a display by telling him to get back out there and grow a pair. But Klein's boss had the opposite reaction: First he reassured Klein he was doing a great job, then he helped him prioritize his workload so that it became manageable. "It's not like he's this fuzzy guy who would reach across the table and hug you in a meeting—he's tough as nails," says Klein of Robert Ollander-Krane, who is director of learning and development for the company. "But he allowed me to be completely honest about my circumstances. Now we have this huge foundation of trust."

Wouldn't that be nice—a boss who actually gave a damn. And while it's not conclusive, evidence suggests that one of the reasons Ollander-Krane is so effective is that he's part of a new breed—gay managers—who could be becoming America's most desirable bosses.

In The G Quotient: Why Gay Executives Are Excelling as Leaders . . . and What Every Manager Needs to Know, author and USC business-school professor Kirk Snyder argues that gay bosses embody a style of personalized attention that allows high-maintenance Gen Xers and Yers to maximize their performance. "Gay executives tend to look at how each individual brings unique abilities, and they see their job as figuring out how best to take advantage of those skills," he says.

In fact, during Snyder's five-year study of American executives, he stumbled on some startling findings: Gay male bosses produce 35 to 60 percent higher levels of employee engagement, satisfaction, and morale than straight bosses. This is no small achievement: According to human-resources consulting firm Towers Perrin, only a measly 14 percent of the global corporate workforce are fully engaged by their jobs. And the Saratoga Institute, a group that measures the effectiveness of HR departments, found that in a study of 20,000 workers who had quit their jobs, the primary motivator for jumping ship was their supervisors' behavior.
So what makes gay bosses different? It may have to do with the way they survived high school. "Gay people are constantly having to dodge and weave and assess how and where they're going as they grow up," says Snyder. "And that manifests itself as three huge skills: adaptability, intuitive communications, and creative problem-solving." In other words, your boss is cool with your leaving a little early one day a week to pick up your kid from school, or happy to offer a learning experience that helps you close a crucial deal.

Gay executives note that the reflection and candidness required for coming out mean that by the time they get to the workplace, gay men are often secure in their identity and don't feel the need to abuse people in order to boost their ego. "It makes you really honest with yourself and everyone around you," says Chris McCarthy, a vice president at MTV Networks who came out 10 years ago. He believes the experience has allowed him to tap into the individual needs of his seven team members, including two discontented employees whom he recently helped find new positions within the company. "I think it's really important that you give people the opportunity to have self-respect, even if that means helping them leave a job in the way they want to," he explains.

And this kind of empathetic management style is both gay and straight benefiting employees. When Brian Wachur, 23, wasn't getting the promotion he'd been waiting for at his D.C. PR firm, he approached his gay manager, Jason Smith. "I was nervous about what he was going to say, but he was able to tell me where I could improve in a really constructive way," he says. "It was a big contrast to other managers I had had in the past." Wachur soon got the new title, and he now considers Smith his professional mentor. "It's definitely surprising to me that I have a 38-year-old gay male in my life who is such a huge influence."

Matthew Klein says that working for a gay boss has taught him that emotionally honest doesn't equate to weak in the workplace. "Your typical hetero male is programmed as a boy that there are two emotions: angry and tired," he says. "These are gross limitations that restrict our ability to be great managers."

But being gay doesn't give you a monopoly on management skills. "The only managers that succeed are ones that have energy and are outgoing and interested," says Richard Laermer, the gay CEO of a New York-based PR firm and co-author of Punk Marketing: Get Off Your Ass and Join the Revolution. "If that's a gay thing, then mazel tov, but I know the same number of straight managers who are emotional and caring." And one gay vice president at a financial firm says his leadership traits come from his life history, not from anything related to his sexual orientation. "I was in the military, in a fraternity, and played a varsity sport," he says. "I feel like I spend my life explaining that what I'm saying or doing has nothing to do with the fact that I'm gay."

That said, if your new boss happens to be gay, chances are you'll be happier and more fulfilled in your job. And even if you're not, the consolation is that there's still one area in which he's likely to excel. Says Smith, "We throw the fiercest holiday parties."

I've been a manager, as well as have had managers. I feel that I am a good listener and a good judge of character. I think gay men do have certain characteristics that make them better bosses. But there are always the exception. In-the-closet types can be the bosses from hell. I had one of them, and he was a real prick. Also I hear that multi-billionaire businessman David Geffen can be a hard person to work for. But the head of Rolling Stone, Jann Wenner, is a great guy to work for, and a nurturing publisher.

Something related, one of the earliest gay character actors on TV has died. John Inman, who played Mr. Humphries on the classic Brit TV sitcom, "Are You Being Served?" died yesterday.

More from the advocate.com

Trailblazing gay actor John Inman dies

Actor John Inman, popular for his memorably camp role as Mr. Humphries in the '70s sitcom Are You Being Served?, died Thursday in London. He was 71.

Inman died in St Mary's Hospital in Paddington after suffering a hepatitis A infection.

His character's catchphrase, "I'm free," and suggestive sexual humor made Inman a star, and he starred in more than 40 pantos—traditional Yuletide family entertainments that include double entendres and male and female drag as well as lots of jokes for the kiddies.

Named BBC personality of the year and "Funniest Man on Television" by TV Times in 1976, Inman remained popular long after the show ended in 1985. He went on to star in an Australian version of the show in the early 1980s and also appeared on BBC's 2004 series Revolver.

Are You Being Served?, about a stuffy department store staffed by lovable eccentrics, reached the United States in the late 1980s, where it became a cult hit.

When publicly questioned about his sexuality, Inman remained coy for many years, but admitted that he could be bisexual.

However, in late 2005, Inman made his sexual orientation public when he entered into a civil partnership with his partner of 33 years, Ron Lynch. Lynch is said to be "devastated" by Inman's death.

Although Mr. Humphries was widely criticized as a gay stereotype, actress Rula Lenska, who worked with Inman, defended the gay undertones of the character.

"It was suggestive, but never in-your-face or aggressive. It had an innocent quality that you rarely find today," she told the BBC.

Inman "was a joy to work with, and even after an exhausting day in pantomime he would have time for the fans who crowded round the stage door," Lenska said. MY NOTE: GOSH, RULA LENSKA is still around?

Wendy Richard, who played shop assistant Miss Brahms in the series, told BBC Radio 4's Today program: "John was one of the wittiest and most inventive actors I've ever worked with. He was a brilliant, brilliant pantomime dame, and he was a very good all-round actor, really. He was a true professional."

Inman's manager, Phil Dale, said, "John was known and loved throughout the world. He was one of the best and finest pantomime dames working to capacity audiences throughout Britain. John was known for his comedy plays and farces, which were enjoyed from London's West End throughout the country and as far as Australia, Canada, and the USA."

George Broadhead, secretary of the Gay and Lesbian Humanist Association, told Gay.com that at the time of the show, "Inman became a bit of a bête noire for the gay community for promoting stereotypes of gay men as effeminate."

However, he said, "The gay community has grown up since then and has come to appreciate its trailblazers. Inman fits into the same mold as Larry Grayson and Frankie Howard. We can actually see reruns of Are You Being Served? and appreciate their zaniness now rather than cringing at stereotypes." (Hassan Mirza, Gay.com/U.K.)

I always enjoyed his character for comic relief, especially his interaction on the set in scenes with the character Mrs. Slocum and his eye movements when she mentioned her "pussy". I made sure I never acted like him. He will be missed.

Yet Another Gay Male Porn Star Tragedy

It saddens me to report that Brett Mycles, aka Rob Sager, died over the weekend of congestive heart failure. He was 29 years old.

Brett was a star of several porn flicks as well as a fitness model. He reportedly was gay-for-pay, an escort as well as bisexual. He had married his childhood sweetheart several years ago, but it was not known if she knew of his porn life, or was with him at his time of death.

There has been speculation that his premature death may have been caused by steroid use. I don't know if an autopsy was performed to confirm cause of death.

Brett had a large legion of gay fans who literally worshipped his body. They were devoted fans and very obsessed with him.

I know this will not be the last death of someone who was part of the gay porn industry. I also realize that steroid and drug use in the industry will continue, and for young guys in the porn industry, it will be anything but a wakeup call to change their lifestyles.

I don't know if Brett knew any other life than in front of the camera. He will never get to explore and experience maturity. He will never see life fulfilled in some way.

I don't believe that his fans and their expectations have such control over an individual that all that he lives for is their admiration. If that is the case, then we live in a very superficial world.

I feel that while it is great appreciating hot gay men, it is even more important that we value each other from both an inner and outer perspective. Indeed, genuine beauty and sexyness is much, much more that what lies on the surface. What makes a man truly hot is his brains, his compassion, his values, his virtues, and as an added bonus, his brawn. These so called "idols" need to realize that life can be cut short, and if you want to live a full life, you can't cheat life by destroying your body, or forever being a party boy and expect to live a full and happy life.

Sorry to Keep Revisting This Story, But It's Definitely Worth Repeating

Why Can't Guys Learn that "Tina" is a BITCH, and get her out of their lives?

The following is from a news item posted on the Washington Blade web site.

The Atlanta Meth Task Force convened the forum at Outwrite after several recent deaths of local crystal meth users. The emotional forum included testimony from Josh Williams’ brother, one of guys who recently died of an overdose in the Atlanta area, as well as from Tommy Varnador, who wept as he talked about the November overdose death of his partner, Joseph Myska.

“This drug fills a void in people — a sense of guilt, a sense of shame,” said Brian Dew, a professor at Georgia State University who leads the Atlanta Meth Task Force. “It’s seen as a perfect short-term solution to the feelings that are there.”Drawing attention to the harmful effects of meth is particularly challenging among gay men, Dew said.“I think that the gay community has been reluctant to address our own pitfalls, and I think we’re seeing it with drug use,” Dew said. “But we can no longer sit back because of what it’s doing and the impact that it’s having.”

Russell Beasley talked about how he and Josh Williams had a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” attitude in many parts of their friendship, including drug use. But instead of being inspired by a desire not to appear judgmental, the informal policy was a manifestation of both men’s fears that if his friend knew the truth about him, he would no longer love him and would leave.

Gay men can no longer afford to mask their insecurities through drugs or indifference, Beasley said.“In the old days, when we were fighting HIV, we were going out and we were doing AIDS education and we were fighting to save lives — it’s kind of the same thing,” Beasley. “We all need to go out, spread the word, let everybody know that meth equals death, and that there is healing that can be achieved from everything.”

Also participating in the Outwrite forum was Mark White, who talked about how he had a staunchly conservative disdain for drug use most of his life before going through a difficult break-up.Crystal meth use, however, led to White landing in jail on Thanksgiving Day as well as Tina-fueled sex romps that led him to becoming HIV positive.“I became very lonely, I began to shy away from some of the things that I never really dealt with — for example, being comfortable being gay,” White said. “I’m a shy person by nature, but on crystal I became very sociable, I felt very powerful, very confident and very sexual.”

Guys have to have will power. Can't they realize that a guy can be sexual without the so called enhancement of fatal drugs? Is it too much to ask that guys interact more with their brains than with the lure of drugs? Can't guys get a woody by just taking in the "woofyness" of another guy's pleasure?

Drugs just fuck up the pleasures of the sexual experience. If guys invested some time for foreplay, they'd realize that great sex and staying power can come naturally. Drawing this from within, can make sex between two men real, and rememberable.

I know you guys have strong opinions on the subject. I can't accept the fact that guys can be so lonely that their only recourse is to use crystal. We've already seen these cries played out daily by Britney and look what happened to Anna Nicole. So why are guys who can have it all, killing themselves for instant, at the moment, pleasure? Self esteem seems to be at an all time low.

Men Together. Should It Always Be about Sex?

Our old pal Andy Sullivan, is writing again about gay men showering with their straight buds in the gym and elsewhere. He tells us that while he might have been turned on by other men, straight men, in the shower, he always controlled his woody. I was surprised that Andy didn't start describing all of his shower encounters where guys "worshipped" his woody.

So I was curious about the opinions of other guys on the subject. The following is from a healthboard post about men showering together.

Here's one guy's opinion.

What is the big deal here. I have been showering at the gym for years and before that in college and before that in high school. There was always someone that I knew either as a friend or just an aquaintance in there with me. I admit that in junior high when I started taking showers after gym class the gang showers were a little intimidating but after a while you realize that most of the other guys are nervous too and then you all get used to it. Yes some guys have bigger or smaller equipment or flatter stomachs and bigger muscles. But you know what.... There is always going to be someone who is bigger or smaller or who has a better body. Be a man and have some confidence in yourself. Everyone looks you can't help it but 99.9999% of the guys in the shower could care less about what they see. They are just there to get clean and get out. As far as showering with your buddies as was mentioned in the original post, I say so what. You are all buddies and it is not like you are squeezing into a tiny shower stall together. There was room for 2 so I say go for it and don't make a big deal about it. If you can not be comfortable around your buddies where can you be comfortable.I have been in situations where I have had to share a bed with a buddy when we got stuck after a day of skiing and had to spend the night. There is nothing sexual about it - a guy has got to shower and sleep don't he.

So the communal showering ritual is just that. When guys shower in public, the unspoken rule is no hard-ons and no come-ons. When you invite a guy to your house, then the shower is considered a private venue. This is when showering together, man to man, becomes a totally pleasurable experience. One of the hottest examples of foreplay I know. Anyone care to comment?

Mega Hairy Muscle Valentine's Day Hugs

Well guys, as you know, Valentine's Day is my favorite holiday. I guess I have always been a closet cupid. I enjoy seeing guys together, loving each other, sharing their passion, their lives, making each other happy.

Even after that Snicker's Super Bowl commercial, I can think of nothing sexier than two guys sharing some delicious between their lips. Enjoying a creamy chocolate Dove bar or other treat maximizes the taste buds and makes for fun eating.

So guys, I want each of you to pledge to me that when Cupid's arrow strikes, and it will, that you hug that cute guy next to you, whisper sweet nothings in his ear, give some tongue action if appropriate, and make him feel like he never felt before. When he moans, you got him where you want him.

Have a super Valentine's Day full of affection and hot sizzling sex.

What's This With Gay Porn Stars and Their Vicious Killer Tempers

Straight from the headlines. Two stories about gay porn stars and their murderous deeds.

A sad state of affairs, especially when these guys are "gay for pay".


A former Falcon pornstar will be tried in US state Colorado for the murder of gay businessman John Paul Kelso. Police apprehended the accused Timothy Boham, 25, very near to the US/Mexico border back in November. Boham had fled state Colorado, where a warrant had been issued for his arrest. Boham is charged with first-degree murder and aggravated robbery. Boham, apparently straight and gay-for-pay, was known as Marcus Allen in Falcon porn titles such as "Little Big League," "Through the Woods," "Never been touched," and "Ripe". Boham allegedly worked for the gay Kelso, 43, who had made millions though a career of debt recovery. A housekeeper found Kelso shot to death in the bathtub of his upscale Denver home.

Kelso, a philanthropist donating thousands of dollars to charities, often hired rent boys.
At a preliminary hearing this month, local police reported that Kelso was killed during a robbery attempt by Boham who needed money for a pregnant girlfriend. According to the Denver Post, Detective Aaron Lopez said that prior to the murder, Kelso had asked Boham to come to the bedroom for "a cuddle". Boham then pulled a gun on Kelso, asking him to open the safe box, which was believed to store buckets of cash. However, Kelso resisted and a struggle ensued leaving Kelso wounded.Kelso tried to pull an alarm, but a panicked Boham then suffocated him and shot him in the head. A blood smear was left on the alarm button, Lopez said.

Following the shooting, Boham was able to pry open the safe, which was empty except for a few rings. Boham then seized Kelso's Rolex watch and fled the scene. Court documents suggested that Boham, who had bipolar disorder and was prone to fits of rage, told his mother and sister that he had planned to use the money to go to South America with his girlfriend. But in the end it turnd out "he had done this for nothing," affidavits say.

Boham's lawyer maintains murder was not premeditated. He told the court that there was no evidence that Boham had gone to the Kelso's home with any other motive than to rob him. Boham has been ordered to be in custody until the trial date is set.

At a preliminary hearing this month, local police reported that Kelso was killed during a robbery attempt by Boham who needed money for a pregnant girlfriend. According to the Denver Post, Detective Aaron Lopez said that prior to the murder, Kelso had asked Boham to come to the bedroom for "a cuddle". Boham then pulled a gun on Kelso, asking him to open the safe box, which was believed to store buckets of cash. However, Kelso resisted and a struggle ensued leaving Kelso wounded.Kelso tried to pull an alarm, but a panicked Boham then suffocated him and shot him in the head. A blood smear was left on the alarm button, Lopez said. Following the shooting, Boham was able to pry open the safe, which was empty except for a few rings. Boham then seized Kelso's Rolex watch and fled the scene.

Court documents suggested that Boham, who had bipolar disorder and was prone to fits of rage, told his mother and sister that he had planned to use the money to go to South America with his girlfriend. But in the end it turnd out "he had done this for nothing," affidavits say. Boham's solicitor maintains murder was not premeditated. He told the court that there was no evidence that Boham had gone to the Kelso's home with any other motive than to rob him.

Boham, who has a 5-year-old daughter, had "numerous girlfriends" according to the Post and once told a downstairs neighbor that he "sanitized" his apartment "by thoroughly scrubbing it because a gay man had lived there previously."

Said the neighbor: "He hated (gays). He hated their lifestyle."

Yet he had no problem being "gay for pay" in such movies as Falcon Studio's Through the Woods. One talent agency owner said that Boham seemed desperate: "He didn't like people telling him what to do. He seemed like an angry person. His opportunities were tapering off. He got into bloody fistfights. He just had anger issues."

The second story follows.

Officials investigating gay porn producer's death want to talk with escort

By EDWARD LEWIS elewis@timesleader.com
WYOMING – Law-enforcement officials remain interested in talking to a Virginia Beach male escort whose photo surfaced in the investigation of last month’s murder of gay porn producer Bryan Charles Kocis.

Trooper Tom Kelly of the state police at Wyoming said he couldn’t confirm if the picture that investigators released last week is of the escort.

The man, who identified himself only as Harlow, told a reporter on Wednesday that the photo is of him, but denied any connection to Kocis. The escort said he was with a client for three hours in Virginia Beach on Jan. 24, the night Kocis was stabbed to death inside his Dallas Township home.

The Virginia State Corporation Commission lists a Harlow Cuadra as president of the Virginia Beach-based escort service Norfolk Companions Inc.

Last week, police released a photograph showing the head and shoulders of a person they said might have the last name of Drake.

The escort said he is the man in the photograph but said he does not use the name Drake.

The body of Kocis, 44, was recovered from his burning home. An autopsy showed Kocis died of multiple stab wounds and was dead before the blaze broke out.

After obtaining Kocis’ telephone records and e-mail accounts, police determined that Kocis sent an e-mail to an associate with photographs of Drake, stating he was meeting the man at his Midland Drive home at 7 p.m. to discuss a modeling job for Cobra Video. Kocis owned and operated Cobra Video, a company that produces and sells gay pornographic movies.

About 90 minutes after the scheduled meeting, firefighters responded to Kocis’ home for a fire, at about the same time a witness saw a light-colored sport utility vehicle back out of the driveway and speed away.

Harlow could not be reached for comment on Thursday.


SO is this Harlow dude guilty as shit? A jury will decide that, sooner or later.

Both of these murders indicate that gay porn can be a very risky undertaking. What appears glamourous on the outside is a cesspool of corruption behind the scenes.

Happy Groundhog's Day.

So Punxsutawney Phil says spring is on its way. Wishful thinking but I'm sure all of us are ready for some shirtless weather.

While Phil, the groundhog is furry, he definitely could use a makeover. So how about any of these replacements? Perhaps there is a new reality show in the making.

Hoping you guys are having a super day.

Speaking of hotties, are you watching the Super Bowl on Sunday? I'll be rooting for the Bears. That's a no brainer.

It's a GAY, GAY, GAY World. We Interact with Each Other No Matter Where We Live.

Guys: I found this great article by Brian on the http://www.washblade.com

web site.

Searching for a connection Rural gays turn to new technologies to ease sense of isolation

By BRIAN MOYLAN Jan. 26, 2007
Rural gays turn to new technologies to ease sense of isolationMANY GAY PEOPLE have a song they identify as their coming out anthem. Maybe it’s a song with lyrics about empowerment or a track that was popular in the gay bars when they first started going out. For Mike, a 42-year-old auto mechanic, his coming out anthem could be the familiar “You’ve Got Mail” greeting that sounds when he logs onto America Online.
“I knew I was gay since I was 12, but I was afraid to act on it and I didn’t know who to talk to. I didn’t start coming out until I was 30,” says Mike, who asked that his last name be withheld for privacy reasons. What made it even harder for Mike is that he grew up and still lives in Helena, Mont. Though it’s the state capital, there is only a population of 26,000 people, and the nearest gay bar is 64 miles away in Butte. There are only two other bars in the state, one in Great Falls, about 100 miles away, and one in Billings, almost 300 miles away.
He never ventured out to the bars and didn’t even know they were there when he was younger.
“I just kept to myself, rode my motorcycle and got drunk at straight bars for no reason,” he says. “My brother signed me onto America Online, and I found the men-for-men chat room, and for the first time, I thought there were more people like me.”
Twelve years later, Mike has had two long-term boyfriends (though the last one lived about 100 miles away), watches Logo — the gay cable channel — on satellite TV and is out to his family and a few people at the auto dealership where he works.
MIKE’S STORY ISN’T uncommon for gay people who live in rural communities, but the internet has ended some of the isolation for such people by letting them develop communities online and in their towns.
James Martin, a 48-year-old accounting clerk, grew up in rural West Virginia, but spent many years living in more urban areas of North Carolina before moving to Anchorage, Alaska, several years ago. Though it’s a city of 700,000 people, Martin says that he used the internet to locate other bears and community events geared for them before making the move to Alaska.
He says being able to do this research is a big shift from when he was coming out, where the only connection he had to gay people was in medical books in the local library, most of which portrayed homosexuality as a disease or something negative.
Tim Niehaus, a 21-year-old restaurant worker, also used the internet as a research tool, talking to gay people online before he ever talked to any in person. In Eagle River, Wis. (population, 1,500), that was his only resource. He now lives in Stevens Point, home to a branch of the University of Wisconsin, which boasts 20,000 people (including the university), and he met many of his gay friends online.
Though they may be spread out, there are plenty of people in rural communities to meet in online chat rooms. Jeff Soukup, president and chief operating officer of PlanetOut, Inc. — which owns the websites Gay.com and PlanetOut.com, as well as RSVP cruises and LPI Media which publishes The Advocate and Out magazines — says that half of the sites’ U.S. traffic is from the South and Midwest, where the biggest number of small towns are located. Soukup says that the company’s two sites get 5.4 million unique visitors each month.
NEWER TECHNOLOGIES ARE making it easier for gay arts and culture to come to these communities as well. Logo and Here! TV, another gay television service, reach a national audience through satellite television and digital cable (though some digital cable providers still don’t broadcast the channels in all markets). The companies are also using streaming video and podcasts on their websites to bring their programming to anyone with a high-speed internet connection. These and other technologies are out there to bridge the distance gap.

We are all connected in this great big world of ours and that brings us all together. I am so glad that technology makes us gay brothers, where ever we are. I am a better man because I know all of you. Stay warm and sexy.

Is There Such A Thing As A Gay Male Mid-life Crisis?

Seems that our friend, Dan Savage, has devoted a lot of his column this week to just such a question.

The guy writes about his hottie partner who is turning 40 and wants to celebrate at a clothing optional gay resort and have sex under the sky.

Been there, done that. And for me, it was just fun, and had nothing to do with time or space, for that matter.

I don't think wanting to be sexy, playing safely, and just being a guy has anything to do with a guy being a horndog. Enjoying leather, boots, jockstraps, play toys, whatever, do it if it feels good.

The partner shouldn't have a hang-up about it. But there are limits. Three ways are always best when all three players are consenual. And when all three are enjoying the playtime. That's why for three ways, the key player is the top guy who gives both his playguys equal attention.

It's winter now, and sure, it is the perfect time to snuggle and get real nice and cozy physically with your man. The sexiest thing this time of year is a pair of long johns with a nice button fly. Sure gives new meaning to the phrase, "Are you glad to see me?"

A healthy appetite for sex is nothing that should never be turnoff or dismissed, no matter how old a guy is. Channeling that energy into safe, sexy fun is something that should be enjoyed to the fullest.

Our man Dan, I feel, was right on with his advice, as usual. Explore, be adventurous, and consensual. The same old, same old, isn't who we are, sexually or otherwise. If sex becomes so routine, so mechanical, then something is missing.

I truly believe that you get out of something only by investing in the time and trouble of making your best effort. That goes with life and with sex.

New Years Resolutions that We can all share together for the common good

Yes, it is that time of year to make and in some cases, already break, New Year's Resolutions.

I thought that maybe we could share together some New Year's Resolutions that we wouldn't break, and that we could easily commit to.

You guys know how much I love to hug. That aside, you might assume that I would also be a "tree hugger". You'd be right again.

So how about we try this spring to plant a tree. If each of us would commit to planting a single tree, a seedling would do, and help to nuture it, we would be doing our collective share in making the air a little cleaner and the environment a little better.

Likewise, we all set personal goals for ourselves, be it losing weight, gaining muscle, etc. Let's pledge to help each other with these personal goals. That way, it won't feel so lonely trying to do it alone.

An idea I saw on Ellen during the holidays, about loose change, could also be something we could do collectively and give to a favorite charity, gay or straight. A lot of our biker buds out there have favorite charities which we could devote some of our loose change in helping others.

Feel free to add your own ideas. You make this a place great to hang because you guys are the best. Never forget that.

Hoping you all are having a great start to the New Year. Together we can make it fun and sexy.

Happy, Happy New Year Guys

Howdy guys. I just wanted to wish you guys the Very, Very Best of New Years.

Over the years you guys have always been there for me. And for that, I am very, very grateful.

So not to slack off, I give you some of my predictions for 2007, with a gay slant.

I predict that the new Lifetime TV show, "Gay, Straight or Taken" will air all its episodes and be a mild hit for the cable channel.

Also I predict that two Hollywood closeted celebs will be outed this year. And yes, Anderson Cooper does count.

Gay marriage will continue its uphill legal battles, but we will get closer to this being reality, at least in one state, hopefully California.

Also Rosie O'Donnell will put her big foot in her mouth at least once each weekday on the View.

You guys will continue to shine in my eyes.

And finally, drum roll please,

Continued BIG HAIRY MUSCLE HUGS. It wouldn't be the same without them.

Enjoy the day, guys.

Daddy Santas Everywhere

Tis the season to HO! HO! HO!

From the Beverly Hills Center which features Hunky Santas this year to your neighbor bar, Santa's men are keeping with the spirt of the Holiday season.

So why so many Santas this time of year? And why are they always shirtless?

I guess being one of Daddy Santa's helpers puts them in a playful spirit. Hey, I think deep down inside Santa's lap has always been a turn on to many guys. And those shiny boots, well a guy in big boots is certain to have a big heart.

Trust Daddy Santa's helpers to find out who has been naughty as well as nice. And let them know that yes, it is equally great giving as well as receiving.

In the true Holiday spirit, I want to give all you hot studs big, warm hairy muscle hugs. I wish for everyone inner happiness, love with their special man, and passionate smooches under the mistletoe. While Daddy Santa may wear the big boots, it's you guys out there who everyday make the world a better place to be.

What's In Your Wallet and How to Keep More of It There

It's that time of year when Madison Avenue advertisers want us to unload our cash, max out our credit cards, all for the sake of spending our hard earned income.

Time and time again, we fall for this, and usually end up miserable with piles of bills to pay off.

I tell you guys, you don't have to "shop til you drop" this year.

I have cut out unnecessary spending, learning to do so last year at this time while I was mending from my operation. Not everyone needs more sweaters. So how about one sexy item like a hot jock or a pair of sexy briefs. And always add some customer service to the gift. Helping the guy try on his Christmas present is half the fun. Both the giver and the receiver are sharing in the spirit of the season.

I do know that Lance Bass' Christmas list is down by one, so is Reichen's. Too bad for these boys. It just wasn't meant to be.

Also take care where to wear your wallet in public during this high season of pickpockets. And NEVER, NEVER bring a wallet out to the bars. Only take enough cash for cab fare, and drinks and tips. And of course, your ID or driver's license. And if you must wear a wallet, put it in your front pocket. Hey, unless you're in good company like this cowboy in the above photo, it's wise to not have your wallet in a place where it could be easily grabbed and stolen. Besides, having empty back pockets in jeans, especially, allows you to show off those hot butt cheeks. WOOF.

Just wanted to share some sane tips to make your Christmas holiday a pleasant one. It's really a time to celebrate the true meaning, embrace your hot man and let him know how much you cherish him, not just on Christmas, but everyday.

P.S. Any thoughts on what to do with those candy canes that seem to end up in everybody's Christmas stocking? Well, forget those skinny ones. If you must give them, get ones that are thicker and bigger, so they are less likely to break. Used the correct way, candy canes can be a pleasurable treat, both by the fireplace or under the mistletoe. Now that's what I call celebrating the spirit of the season.

World AIDS Day and the Reason To Play Safe

Today we take time out to reflect on AIDS, how it has affected our lives as gay men, who it has killed, and why we should always play safe.

What I think about most is all of our gay brothers who have died or are living with AIDS. I miss those you have died, and I cherish those who are living proudly and passionately as HIV positive men.

If I could grant one wish today, it would be for AIDS to be wiped off the face of the Earth. But I know that is a selfish wish. But still, in our daily lives, we can make sure that AIDS is something that we can prevent. Safer sex is definitely one way. Also being honest with our partners is yet another way.

Only we as responsible gay men can beat AIDS and keep it from spreading among our tribe.

So today we remember those who have died, we can pledge to continue the fight against the spread of AIDS in our lives. Playing safe, and being responsible for ourselves and our partners, are the best defenses against AIDS.

One day, hopefully, we will not have reason for a World AIDS Day. Until then, each of us can never let down our guard. Together we can make progress in the fight, the fight that will be won, and make sure that those lives lost were not lost in vain.