Labels Can Be Deceiving

The following is an article from this week's Washington Blade.

10 percent of straight men report having gay sex

By JOSHUA LYNSEN Friday, September 29, 2006
Men who say they are straight might actually be gay, a new survey suggests.
The survey, conducted by the New York City Health Department and published this month, shows 61 percent of men who have sex with men identify themselves publicly as straight.
Medical experts said the findings show that labels like “straight” or “gay” are often inadequate or inaccurate.
“You cannot rely on self-identification to ascertain somebody’s sexual practices and who their partners are,” said Dr. Luke Johnsen, acting medical director of the Whitman-Walker Clinic in Washington, D.C.
Among the survey’s 2,898 sexually active participants, about 9 percent identified themselves in a way that was inconsistent with their sexual behavior.
“The results of the study, to me and other people who work with LGBT health, is not a surprise,” Johnsen said. “Self-identification is based on a lot more than just the gender of the person you have sex with.”
Experts said cultural, family and religious expectations all influence how people identify publicly.
Dr. Randy Pumphrey, a counselor who works with gay clients at the Lambda Center in Washington, noted the survey found discordance most frequently among African Americans and Latinos.
“It tells me that at some level, culture plays a part of this,” he said, “and that there may be cultural prerogatives that say to a person ‘I can only identify as heterosexual even though my behavior is homosexual.’”

Down-low documented

Pumphrey said the study revealed fresh evidence of “the phenomenon of the down-low experience.”
The practice — in which men who identify as straight surreptitiously pursue gay sex — was found within the survey results. Among the 2,735 men who identified as straight, nearly 10 percent had sex with a man during the preceding year.
The survey’s lead author said these men were given the opportunity to identify as gay or bisexual, but insisted on being classified as straight.
“There’s probably some stigma at play,” said Dr. Preeti Pathela of the New York City Health Department. “It’s really a sensitive issue for many men.”
Johnsen said some men might have insisted on the straight identity because they genuinely don’t see their behaviors as homosexual. He noted that among some cultures, a man is only considered gay if he engages in receptive anal sex.
“For other people, there is internalized homophobia,” he said. “If I don’t say it, I am not.”
Pumphrey said the men might be working toward reconciling their heterosexual identity and homosexual behavior.
“When we think about a person coming out within the gay community, and moving from the place where they believe they were heterosexual to a place where they identify as gay, that journey involves many steps to reach self acceptance,” he said. “So there are places along the way where the person may be inconsistent with how they see themselves.”
But experts said that transitional period is a dangerous time, as those men are less likely to practice safe sex.
“When there is discordance between identity and behavior, people are less apt to stop and think, or take safe measures,” Pumphrey said, “because to do so would mean to acknowledge what the self is doing.”

Medical repercussions

The disconnect between identity and behavior has other medical repercussions.
Johnsen said gay men who insist on maintaining straight identities — and straight men that don’t tell a doctor about any homosexual experiences — might not receive the tests or treatments they need.
“It’s part of your health and well being,” he said. “It shouldn’t be stigmatized.”
Johnsen said men must be open and honest with their doctors. He also encouraged doctors to ask non-confrontational, open-ended questions.
He said rather than ask for a sexual identity, doctors should inquire whether the patient had been sexually active. Ensuing questions would separately pursue a patient’s sexual experiences with men and women.
Pumphrey said such questions are used routinely by providers serving gay clients, but are not yet standard practice for general providers.

The closet continues to exist. You'd think it was 1956 instead of 2006. Denying who you are, being deceitful, are traits of a guy who just can't accept himself.

This continues the theme of my last post. Not being truthful, hiding being gay, and probably not practicing safer sex, all these elements are a recipe for unhappiness and disappointment.

I am so happy that you guys are hot, sexy, and comfortable with who you are. These closeted guys just don't know what they are missing. I know it takes a lot of guts to step out of the closet, but the emotional consequences for staying in, far outweigh the happiness and relief you experience once you're free of the lie. For that, I am grateful.

Tell-All Gay Sex Sells Books, But Is It Really Necessary?

Two gay men are stomping the talk show circuit, hawking their tell-all books.

Jim McGreevy, former NJ governor, has been making the talk show rounds promoting his book, Confessions.

In it, he tells how, quoting him, " The closet is a sick place. Every day, every hour, every minute, every interaction, I lied, I hid," McGreevey told Winfrey. "That's not where you find love, in the back of a booth. That's where you fulfill a physical need. But that's not being godly, that's not finding love."

A very demeaning outlook on life, according to him. He seems to have mistaken sex for love. So he was messed up. It seems that being gay makes you tortured.

It's not being gay that does it, it's how you handle it. Coming and cuming to terms with it is the only way to be happy. You accept the fact and move on with your life. Living as a gay man, with its benefits as well as its challenges, is what we are. Embracing it, finding how we fit in, and really, being there for each other if something does go wrong, that's the best way to live.

I don't buy his argument that gay sex was shameful. That's bull shit. We all know that man sex is the best sex. We are sexual, and we like sex. As long as straights continue to judge us, and we, somehow, feel that gay sex is dirty and isn't normal, then we will forever be burdened by their views and force ourselves into believing it. We guys know that gay sex is fucking better than hetero sex. It feels better, with all its passion and tension. WOOF.

Then there is Rupert Everett. His quote flooding the blogs and newswires is something worthy of self flogging. Rupert is quoted as saying, "Unfortunately, I am single, yes, but I'm too exhausted for anything else and being gay is a young man's game. Now no one wants me. Being gay and being a woman has one big thing in common, which is that we both become invisible after the age of 42. Who wants a gay 50- year-old? No one let me tell you. I could set myself on fire in a gay bar, and people would just light their cigarettes from me."

Blah, blah. What's up with Rupert? I guess he hates rejection from every twink he hits on. I used to like Rupert as an actor, but I am tired of such whining. He sounds like he is getting into character to play Quentin Crisp, the queen's queen, the Naked Civil Servant, sometime in the future. Gosh, if ever two guys were meant for each other, George Michael and Rupert would be a perfect match.

So Rupert, if you are reading this, just grow up. Pouting isn't becoming nor cute , especially for a grown, middleaged man. If you liked to get fucked, explore leather and get yourself a hunky master. Take a cue from McGreevy, be realistic, come to terms with being older, and leave the drama to the drama queens. You'd be doing both yourself and your fans a big favor.

My Annual Fall TV Preview-The Good, The Bad, and The "Ugly"

Not very original, you might say. But the new fall TV season, seems to have a little of each.

The talk all seems to be about “Ugly Betty” , a new show premiering Thursday, Sept. 28, 8 p.m. on ABC. This show features the "ugly"brains does not meet beauty, Betty Suarez (America Ferrera), as a girl unsure of herself, with braces, frizzy hair and an outdated wardrobe, who goes to work at Mode, a Vogue-like fashion magazine.

It seems that Betty is the only assistant in town that Mode's editor-in-chief won’t take to bed. While trying to prove herself, Betty must deal with all the other bitches at the magazine, including this TV seasons, "Devil",head fashion writer, Wilhelmina played by former Miss America, Vanessa Williams and her flaming gay associate, Marc played by Michael Urie, who is probably playing gay.

While this could be really "ugly" since the concept of the show is imported from a Colombian telenovela, "Betty La Fea" if not totally screwed up in the translation, the show could be another breakout hit or it could be the first big bomb of the new TV season.

Other shows that might be promising this year is "Smith". The show stars big screen star Ray Liotta better know for his ace role in Martin Scorsese's epic film, "Goodfellas", as a criminal mastermind in this drama "about a close-knit crew of criminals who plot and execute high-stakes robberies" (Borrowed from the CBS web site). The main character, Bobby, played byLiotta, while appearing to be a regular family man with a nine-to-five job, he's actually an expert thief who is seeking a few last big hits "so he can finally leave the business for a comfortable, lawful lifestyle with his wife, Hope (Virginia Madsen), and their two children". (Another quote from the CBS promo". She is not quite happy with Bobby, even though they never openly discuss Bobby's illegal pursuits. She will stand by her man, only to a point.
Virginia Madsen is the kind of actress that can mezmorize me just by reading a phone book.
This could be a real big breakout show or a disappointment. Catch it Tuesdays at 10 pm on CBS.

Likewise another hit could be The Nine. The show's premis focuses on what happens when nine people are forced into a traumatic situation? This compelling drama nine gives insight into how each of them interact during the immediate aftermath. Again, something of a "24" knockoff since the show takes the viewer along to watch what actually happened during the 52 hour hostage situation. Each week something is leaked out, adding another piece to the puzzle. Tyne Daly's little bro, Tim Daly, stars. This is on Wednesdays, ABC at 10 pm.

Heroes - what happens when a group of everyday people find out that they have special powers that might allow them to save the world? Sounds like a comic book premise or something ripped off from the Sci-Fi Channel. But on network TV, really nothing is original. Catch it on NBC, Mondays at 9 p.m.

Six Degrees - created by jj abrahms, the "Lost" guy, this show has an amazing cast (hope davis, campbell scott, jay hernandez) . These actors have made great indie movies and now are testing the waters on the small screen. Check it out on ABC, Thursdays at 10 p.m.

Well this is some of the good. How about the "bad". Well I think Ted Danson should just stay home and grow old. His latest sitcom, "Help Me, Help You" is a rip off of "Dear John", but according to some advance press, without the laughs. Also another sitcom that seems to be dead on arrival is Brad Garrett's piece of misery, "Til Death", a bad "Married with Children", but without the children. Brad loves to play the "sad sack", but even his frown can't help save this turkey.

Hope you find these recommendations useful. If only there were a 24 hour TV channel showing hot hunky hairy men giving each other big hairy muscle hugs and other pleasures. Now that would be TV worth watching.

More Fodder About Gay Men and their Sex Drive

This from this week's Washington Blade, written by Wayne Beesen.

THIS BATTLE OF the male brain is now playing itself out in gay society after paparazzi ambushed pop star George Michael coming out of the bushes following a supposed sexcapade with a pot-bellied peasant. [Was Michael acting differently than other gay men?] My comment.

Back in the 70's days, bathhouses were hugely popular and the gay bars had blackened out windows, creating a virtual cocktail-serving closet. Many of the patrons had to have sex away from home to keep the secret from an unsuspecting wife and kids.
Of course, there was a portion of men who did have options but who enjoyed unfettered promiscuity for the thrill.
With time, the ease with which people could come out, combined with the fear of contracting HIV, sharply curtailed the carnal carnival the gay subculture once represented.
The whole notion that gay men are more libidinous than straight men is a canard pushed by right wing fanatics in an effort to deny homosexuals basic rights. Indeed, one of the most guarded secrets of gay life is that a good portion of homosexuals are as undersexed as their straight counterparts.
Some of these lonely gay sorts keep long hours at the office and never took time to pursue partners. Others are shy and have great difficulty meeting people. Many men, gay and straight, simply have low sex drives and hardly desire gratuitous encounters.
From my observation, a surprisingly large portion of men find the notion of hooking up with strangers totally unappealing. It is not looks nor variety, but intimacy that is the greatest turn on.
FOR THE HYPER-AGGRESSIVE men who fancy uninhibited sexual exploration, it is easier being gay because you can always find another man looking for the same thing. But, instead of being blamed for a lack of self-control, most gay men should get a medal for restraint.
Heck, if straight men could have sex in public restrooms with women, would we ever again be able to use the facilities for legitimate purposes? If straight men could easily pick up women for sex in parks after midnight, would the grounds be so trodden that ants would become an endangered species?
Yeah, gay men have access to sex if they want it bad enough and are willing to take risks, like George Michael did, but the majority consistently chooses not to recklessly cruise.
George Michael may want his sex, but placing the blame on gay culture n“o longer reflects modern reality. Given a full range of choices, including marriage, gay life increasingly looks as diverse as mainstream culture with monogamously oriented men finally having the option to choose monogamy.

Being in a horny mindset myself this morning, I thought that I'd reintroduce this controversy.
Gay men exhibit more self control than most. Hell, we find ourselves in situations almost constantly where we can not act upon our impulses. True, our impulses may be sluty, but we control them, because it is the right thing to do. Again this all comes back to our lack of being able to openly express our love and lust in public like straights can, and they do like to flaunt it.

Honoring Our Own On This Day

Today is a day of reflection, honoring those who sacrificed their lives, as well as those who helped in any way they could, at Ground Zero, at Shanksville, PA and at the Pentagon.

Politics aside, I hope that what these gay men and women did will be remembered foremost for the deed. We are all part of the human family, regardless of whom we love.

Playing Cowboy

Here are some photos from the Atlantic States Gay Rodeo held over the weekend. It was great hangin out there and seeing some real cowboy studs doing their thing. WOOF.

The Responsible Slut Lurking Inside All of Us

Here's a first person account of a recent trip to the clinic by a contributer to the Edmonton, CA alternative, Vue Weekly. Oh yes, it does bring back memories of that first time.

TOTALLY GAY
Luke Foster / totallygay@vueweekly.com
You're dirtier than you think ... but, then again, so is everyone else

There’s never a pleasant reason why you have to go to the STD clinic, but there is always a good one. Maybe you had a one-nighter with a stranger, it burns when you pee, or your partner recently came up positive for a sexually transmitted infection. If something like that has ever happened to you, or there’s some doubt in your mind that you may have contracted a STD, you need to go and get tested. It’s not just about your own health, but the health of others and stopping the chain of infection.

Now the author knows it can be a daunting experience for anyone who’s never been tested before. Not only are you poked and prodded and subjected to semi-invasive physical examinations, but also once you step in the door, you’re directly confronted by your past. You start thinking about the users, losers and cruisers that are probably the reason you’re there in the first place. It’s a very emotional, stressful and potentially embarrassing situation, but one that’s completely unavoidable.

The author recently visited the clinic for the very first time and it really wasn’t as terrifying as he had initially thought. It was relatively pain-free, everything is completely confidential and no one should abstain from being tested simply out of fear. He made his appointment over the phone and went one day during his lunch break. Once he arrived, he checked in with the receptionist, filled out a short form with his personal contact information, then took a seat in the waiting room. Under the harsh, unflattering fluorescent lights, he began perusing through some pamphlets, every so often looking up from reading material to silently judge the other people who were waiting for their names to be called. He knew the purpose of his visit.

After all, he was just writing a story. He states, "I’m not dirty or anything. But I wondered what brought these other poor souls, who were twiddling their thumbs and refusing to make eye contact with me, to this place. I automatically assumed the scrawny, so obviously gay boy sitting to my right was just a slut and regular visits to the STD clinic were simply routine. "

His name was eventually called and he followed his inspector, a mature RN, down the hall into one of the exam rooms.

Once seated, the male nurse jumped right into the questions. “Is this your first time being tested?” Yes. “Do you have sex with men?” Yes. “Do you have sex with women?” Ew. “Is there anything in particular that’s brought you here?” He stammers, "I’m just writing a story. I’m not dirty or anything. "

Then his inquiries got more particular. How many partners have you had? Have you ever had unprotected sex? Have you ever been involved with someone who may be positive for HIV or AIDS? Terms like “insertive” and “receptive” were tossed around. Past sex acts were disclosed. Possible symptoms were discussed.

Our brave boy discovered that he might be a little bit dirtier than he initially thought. After the questions came the physical tests. Although he told him he had no apparent symptoms, because his last sexual encounter had been within the last six-month period, the RN gave him the works, because some STDs can be completely asymptomatic, meaning you can have something like gonorrhea in your throat and not know it. Or if you’re infected with HIV, it can take up to about six months for a blood test to come back positive.

First, his blood was taken. Then the took a swab of his throat. After that, heI was told to drop his pants and hop up onto the exam table. The RN took a look around down there for anything suspicious, and then came the worst part of an otherwise pain-free experience. The RNe swabbed our boy'ss urethra. Stuck it right up there. It was not a sensation that he or any of us appreciated or would ever like to feel again. It hurts, ( yes, it always does) but it was over in a second.

After the author pulled his pants back up, the RN handed me a cup for a urine sample he was to leave for testing on my way out. (I always love this part of the examination, pissing into a cold plastic cup, something of a cross between a personal condiment container from a fast food restaurant and a baby food jar.)

Before he left, though, he asked the nurse a couple of questions that had been on his mind and he was more than happy to answer them.

"Can you become infected with HIV if you get a blow-job from a guy who’s positive and has a tongue stud? “I’d say the risk is minimal.” Would you say that there could be a situation where it would be alright for two guys to have sex without condoms? “Not risk-free, if that’s what you mean. I’d say they could maybe think about it if both parties have been tested and are in a mutually monotonous relationship.” Don’t you mean monogamous? “That’s what I said.”

After peeing in the cup and leaving it at the sample station, his mission was accomplished. Results are normally ready in a week, and for some, a return trip to the clinic in necessary to obtain the results in person. He writes, "Again, I didn’t think I had anything to worry about. But I worried nonetheless. It was very strange how that very slim chance that I had contracted something monopolized my thoughts for a week. I can’t even imagine how stressful it would be for someone who actually had a disconcerting sexual or drug-related experience."

Lucky for him, his results came back negative for everything. No chlamydia, gonorrhea, hepatitis A and B, syphilis, or HIV.

He writes, "I felt relieved and responsible, like the adult I never thought I’d have to be.

The physical consequences associated with having sex are usually not the most scarring ones, but they need to be taken care of nonetheless.

It's always better to know and be responsible, than not to know and be irresponsible.

Guys who knowingly spread HIV and the rest of the diseases mentioned about, should be arrested as criminals. They don't deserve to play on our playground. So guys, always protect yourself, and you too, will have that great weight taken off your shoulder next time you face the STD exam. And yes, cumming clean gets a great big suck face kiss from yours truly.

Salute to the Working Man

I know that all of you guys work hard for a living. Some of you enjoy your work alot, while others, would prefer doing something else.

Whatever the case, this Labor Day is a time to give yourself your due. Have a blast, enjoy the fellowship and brotherhood of another hard working man's stiff cock, lay back, and take a load off.

For whatever you do, this hug is for you, guys. Have a great Labor Day weekend.

Coming Full Circle, A Tribute to Marc

As many of you know by now, Marc, the Gay Dude, died this past Sunday afternoon.

I am still saddened by his death. He was a wonderful gay man who took time to write and post to so many of our blogs. His insight was remarkable, for such a young guy.

This past week, I finally finished reading "Full Circle" by Michael Thomas Ford. I don't know if Marc had read the novel, but in some ways, certain passages of the book were written with Marc in mind.

The main character, Ned, goes through his first 56 years of life, 1950-2006, trying to be just an average guy, but who wants to make a difference, and he does. He's no saint, this guy gets fucked bareback to become pos he feels shitty about himself. Luckily for him, he doesn't get his wish.

Ned has two friends, Andy and Jack. Andy plays an important part in Ned's adult life, meeting up with him at Penn State and they enlist in the Army together, in late 1969 to fight in Vietnam. Jack is Andy's next door neighbor from childhood, the lucky Jack who uses Ned as a comfortable pillow through childhood up to Penn State, where fearing he would flunk out of school and get drafted, enrolls in seminary school until he gets fucked by his professor and is forced to quit.

What comes to mind reading this is gay men are human, perhaps more human than the general population. We may be drama queens at times, but life sometimes just doesn't give us a fair break. Marc suffered from ailments that should not have happened to such a young guy, and unfortunately, he was very unlucky in the health department. He was dealt a bad hand, health wise, and for a long time, made the most of it, and even seemed to lick it.

He gave us hints about his state of health, but for the most part, he never wanted pity or wanted to burden us. He gave and shared, both from his mind and from his heart, everytime he communicated with us through blogging.

Quoting from the book, the passages dealing with love and understanding. " There will always be friendship and love, and between the two of them, there are mysteries to last a life time." We go on trying to figuring them out, but only get a tiny bit closer to the discovery. Something like Pluto, until some body of scientists proclaims that we aren't what we thought we were.

The ending passage of "Full Circle" continues, "Like God and death, the question of what drives the heart may be one we never fully understand.. . "And although some will doubtless be disappointed when no clear answer arises to give them comfort, those who look carefully will find that in the search, in the questioning and wondering and raging, there is beauty beyond reckoning."

I feel that our love and rememberance of Mar is something beautiful. He brightened our minds and our souls. He is still with us, beaming his charm and knowledge in that eternal cyberspace. We love you, Marc. We'll meet again and embrace in big warm hairy muscle hugs of celebration and joy. Until then, your spirit lives on in our blogs.

Oddities in the NewsThis Week, with a gay slant

Here's one from New Zealand. Might this be a trend?

Aucklands iconic K Road gay club, G.A.Y. is old hat and will be re-branded as Supermarket, says Miss Ribena, entertainment coordinator for the adjacent Family Bar.

In part, the change is to distinguish the club from Family Bar upstairs, which is hands in the air camp, loud, cheesy, with drag shows and karaoke, says Ribena, and partly to ditch the old hat stereotypical G.A.Y. logo, which has been a gay club in London for, like 100 years.

Some people refuse to go to G.A.Y. because of its name, says Ribena, and the music is often the same downstairs as it is upstairs [in Family].

Supermarket will attract the shirts-off Les Mills muscle boy set, wholike to look at themselves in the mirror, she adds.

The change will come into effect this coming Saturday.

© 2006 Copyright GayNZ.com
I guess all muscle boys, the world over, love to look at themselves. Such is gay life.

Now for me, enjoying life is getting my mouth to savor the juices of a firm, ripe, tomato.

I Beg to Disagree

The following are excerpts from an article found in this weeks Washington Blade.

Joe Kort is a gay social worker and therapist who wrote “Ten Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real Love.” Michael Alvear, writes the gay male sex advice column “Need Wood? I have on occasion, not agreed with our "Woody" concerning some of his views.

“After five years together, most gay couples have open relationships,” Kort says. “I think it serves two functions. Number one, it helps gay men find partners. It’s how they look for partners and I also think it keeps relationships together so that these gay male couples who are non-monogamous and cruise, they have emotional fidelity, but they have sexual openness.

“The other reason that it works is that every couple has a sexual desire discrepancy. In gay couples, the one that wants it more can go get it. It relieves the pressure in their relationship in that area. It’s the truth and I can’t hide from it. But I do believe this — you open your relationship up for more problems when you’re not monogamous.”

Michael Alvear, however, says that his observations have led him to conclude that younger gay men are pursuing monogamous relationships.

“I can almost tell you with 90 percent accuracy that whenever I get a letter from somebody who is longing for monogamy or is upset at seeing couples who have open relationships, it’s inevitably somebody younger, someone in their 20s,” Alvear says. “It’s a sort of retro gay, a turn to traditional values and relationships in guys in their 20s.”

Joe Kort says that sex in public can be problematic.

“It’s rude because you’re using a public space for something it wasn’t designed for,” Michael Alvear says. “How would George Michael like it if people starting having sex in the middle of one of his concerts and started driving away people who came in for what that stage was designed for, a concert? How would people at the baths feel if IBM conducted a business meeting in the middle of the place? There’s a time and place for everything.”

Other expert on the subject, Rob Weiss declines to give his opinion on public sex, but points out that its illegality means participants must accept personal responsibility if they are caught.

Rob Weiss, a gay social worker and therapist, says he considers anonymous sex to be more an issue of gender than sexual orientation.

“Certainly, cruising and anonymous sex is endemic to gay culture,” Weiss says. “There’s no question about that, but I don’t think gay men’s pursuit of sex is any different from straight men’s pursuit of sex.”

“It’s not up to me whether to say the laws are right or wrong, but they are,” Weiss says. “So to put yourself in the situation of getting arrested and then turn around and say ‘I’m harassed,’ I have trouble with that.”

Weiss, who wrote “Cruise Control: Understanding Gay Men and Sex Addiction,” says cruising turns problematic when it becomes compulsive.

“When recreational behavior can be identified as an addiction is when it’s having serious consequences to the life of the person that’s doing it,” Weiss says.

The consequences can include betrayal of a relationship, loss of career or job, acquisition of disease, violation of personal belief or value or some form of public humiliation, such as an arrest.

“The people I see in my experience are people who have consequences because of their behavior and can’t seem to stop,” says Weiss, who has been treating people with sex addictions for 12 years. “These guys are acting out sexually … because of the arousal that goes on. Not genital arousal, but the endorphins, out of the chase, the possibilities. It’s not so much about the sex or the orgasm.”

Weiss and Kort say they lack statistics on the matter, but suspect that a majority of gay men have experienced sexual addiction. Weiss says that his treatment clinic, the Sexual Recovery Institute in Los Angeles, sees about an average of 150 men a week.

First of all, I am really glad to read that younger gay men are seeking monogamous gay relationships at least, initially.

What I find hard to believe that there exists this vast sea of gay couples constantly screwing around outside their relationships. How emotionally draining can this be? What about faithfulness and love, both sexually and emotional? You can't always have your cake and eat it too without being a really fat pig. And on top of all of this, we want to be able to marry so we can emulate unfaithful straight couples. If this is the widespread opinion of the gay male community, then maybe gay marriage isn't worth the struggle.

On a lighter note, the photo spread above is a belated celebration of National Underwear Day. How I'd like to pat each and every one of your cute butts in celebration. Enjoy.

Under Sweltering Temperatures, Our Resident Gay Pundit (In His Dreams), Andrew Sullivan, Cracks.

Old Andy this past week, just can't seem to get his rocks off enough. He has entered a very lively debate raging on over cable and blog world about gay male promiscuity. He contends that gay men are inherently more promiscuous than straight people.

He basis his theory on the fact they, like Bill Clinton (oh, it always has to be political with our buddy, Andy) gay men are full of testosterone, and, like Bill Clinton, they can get sex when they want it. Sounds like we can just turn on the charm and the spigot, and instantly, we are romping with any guy we want. I wish.

Andy goes on to dig his hole deeper, or should I say, plow his fellow gay men's hole deeper, by suggesting that "gay men get it [sex] because their emotional and sexual universe is all-male and so twice as testosterone-laden as the straight male sexual universe.

Because we have bathhouses, public sex, backrooms and such, we have the resources to get laid 24/7. I guess the piers of New York are teaming this weekend with guys fucking each others brains out. Just because Andy Sullivan says so.

So are we all as promiscous as Andy tends to believe we are? Love to have you guys post your comments. I'm going to now take a very cold shower. Anyone want to join me? Big hairy muscle hugs.

What a Week It Has Been.

First this from over the pond:


Michael: 'I'm Not Afraid Of Gay Cruising'(Soundbuzz, Thursday July 27, 12:00 PM)
George Michael is not ashamed of being spotted prowling a notorious homosexual pick-up spot in London last week, insisting he's still a role model for young gays.

The singer was exposed by a British newspaper last Sunday cavorting in the shadows on Hampstead Heath with 58-year-old Norman Kirtland, before he fled from reporters and photographers. But the former Wham! heart-throb refuses to apologise for his actions, stressing he's done nothing wrong by cruising. He says, "I should be able to be what I am to young gay people - which is a man who has managed to succeed in the industry for 25 years. Sorry if people don't like the fact I cruise on Hampstead Heath but the police absolutely accept that it goes on at night. It's the only place in London where that is the case so it's generally a safe place." (wenn)

What shocks me about this is that George prefers older guys, supposedly. I took him for a twink admirer.

Then there was the Lance Bass admission that "surprise", he's gay.

The last time I saw Lance was on Game Show Marathon, and even for Lance, he was acting strange, showing his homeboy contingent of guys with "College" tshirts in his rooting section.

Anyway, if this was some kind of symbolism, then Lance was taking protracted steps in the process. I just wish he would have kissed Reichen after one of his wins, and that would have settled that.

I didn't notice Reichen there, but with his shirt on, he blends in with the crowd.

Anyway, I, for one, am giving the happy couple big hairy muscle hugs of congratulations. Hoping they stay together. Remember this isn't the first relationship/marriage for Reichen. He was "married" to Chip, his partner on Amazing Race, but dumped him shortly after they won and splitted the $1 million prize money.

I hope you guys are finding ways to cool off. I am still chilling with my favorite sno-cone flavor.
There is just something about blue raspberry ice as it dribbles down a furry guys chest. WOOF.

A Tongue,Some shaved ice and Plenty of Blue Raspberry Syrup makes for some Good Old Fashioned Summertime Fun

It is hot, sweaty, and sticky out there. But I have a recipe for cooling down and having some fun, all at the same time.

Get yourself a manual ice crusher/sno-cone maker at Kmart or Target. Stock the freezer with plenty of ice. Also stock up on your favorite sno-cone syrups.

I enjoy cranking and hearing the ice crackle and grind as I crush it. It's fun when some pieces of ice somehow escape from the container as I am turning the crank.

Have some guys over for this. Have them strip down to their jocks and gather them around the kitchen table or island. Thats when the fun begins.

Have enough paper cones for everyone. Extra cones can make great cock top caps.

Then accidently as you are making one of the cones, let some shaved chips spill onto one of the guys chests. That's when the tongue plays an important part of the process.

While the other guys get what's going on, have bottles of the syrup readily available for splashing over the individual cups filled with shaved ice. Before you know it, everyone is exploring their tongues on the mounds of shaved ice somehow finding its way on the fuzzy chests and pecs of your guests. Whatever happens next, please don't hold me responsible for. But whatever happens, you've been forewarned.

If any of you have any other fun ideas for keeping cool, please share. In the meantime, big hot hairy muscle hugs to each and every one of you. I enjoy sharing my passions and kinks with you. You being there means a whole lot to me.

P.S. The patio tomato plants that I grew from seeds are producing a lot of tomatoes now. They haven't ripened yet, but with these sunny, hot days, that won't take long. Soon they will be ripe for having some fun with.

I'm still here, guys

Sorry to not have posted for a while. Just been busy at my Mom's as well as getting sweaty on a backyard project. Also order John Weir's new book and about finished reading Andrew Holleran's book, Grief. Will write about them in the near future. Big hairy muscle hugs, guys. I miss you a lot.
Hope these guys got noticed. WOOF

Summertime Book Picks. Great Fiction for Gay Men Written by Gay Men

The New Gay FictionAfter years of neglect from the mainstream, queer lit undergoes a renaissance
by Edmund WhiteJune 20th, 2006 12:06 PM


At the beginning of the 20th century Rodin said that Americans had just lived through a renaissance and no one in America knew it (he was referring to the advent of painters such as Whistler, Mary Cassatt, Winslow Homer, Thomas Eakins, and Sargent). Something similar could be said about gay fiction right now, which is totally neglected and almost never reviewed by the mainstream press but which has never been more vital. In fact it could be said that gay novels and short stories are among the best being written anywhere now.
Of course there are a few exceptions to the general blackout—the worldwide success of Michael Cunningham's The Hours and the Booker prize–winning novel by Alan Hollinghurst, The Line of Beauty. The action of both of these books, to be sure, takes place outside the gay ghetto and includes many important straight characters; both books belong to what is called "post-gay fiction," a subgenre that David Leavitt may have invented in his first collection of stories, Family Dancing.
The vogue for gay fiction has long since passed after a brief flurry of visibility and celebrity in the late 1970s and early '80s. The market did not respond. Whereas the literature of other minorities (Asian American, African American, Latin American) presents the straight reader with interesting variations on his or her own life by taking up the themes of parenthood, marriage, divorce, adultery, and the intergenerational conflict, the literature of the gay ghetto seems at times utterly alien.
With the collapse of the gay market—and the closing down of gay literary magazines such as Christopher Street and nearly a hundred gay-themed bookstores across the country—gay fiction became invisible, often to the gay community itself. Gay studies as a subject was drying up in the universities (not that gay scholars had ever devoted much energy to contemporary gay creativity). Even the way gay novels are shelved at a bookstore, in a quarantined section labeled "Gay and Lesbian," places a wall around these books that few straight women readers—much less straight men—would have the guts to breach.
Case closed. Except for the inconvenient fact that in the last five or six years gay writers have been turning out some of the most exciting fiction being written today, though it is sold in the small numbers more typical of poetry collections. This spring has seen the publication of an extraordinary novel, John Weir's What I Did Wrong. Weir has written only one other book, The Irreversible Decline of Eddie Socket, which was highly acclaimed in 1989 as a stellar first novel. His new book tells the story of Tom, a middle-aged teacher at a university in Queens, who has lost his lover—a foul-mouthed, impossible, endearing novelist—to AIDS. Tom feeds all his need for love into his charged relationships with his best friend from high school, a drifting straight guy, and with one of his students, an oppressed, apologetic, disenfranchised kid who plays in a rock band and worships Sharon Olds's poetry. This is among other things one of the best books about how ordinary folks live in New York now. His students work at restaurant jobs in Manhasset and blow their salaries at a casino in A.C. They're almost all heterosexuals and Tom studies them as if they were members of another species. "They're outsiders, not pariahs. Their irony is different from mine. The defining crisis for them is their disbelief in other people, while mine is disbelief in myself. Straight guys are conspiracy theorists, wrecked by the knowledge that they can't control the world. Yet I learned early on that I can't control, well, me. I yearn for guys. I am what I want. Straight people aren't asked to justify their yearning. They don't have to boil themselves down to an impulse or an act. Unlike me, they think, 'I am because I want.' "


There are also several recent novels and collections of short stories by younger men that prove the efforts of gay writers to reach out to the world at large. Patrick Ryan's Send Me is about a modest family in the 1970s living near Cape Canaveral in Florida; two of the sons are gay, the older one closeted and the younger one weirdly free of the constraints of the period. This book is full of careful social observation in the manner of Cheever; one of Ryan's stories has been selected for The Best Short Stories of 2005. Actually it's a bit unfair to label it a gay book since so many of the stories are about eccentric if thoroughly heterosexual characters. The first and last chapters in his book, however, are devoted to the younger brother's struggle with AIDS, a theme that lends great depth to a tale of quirky family life. In much of good gay fiction today AIDS plays a role. In Keith McDermott's first novel, Acqua Calda, an older actor with AIDS ventures to Sicily, where he is to participate in an avant-garde theatrical event. During his sojourn he becomes extremely ill but the show must go on and his decision to play his role despite backstage envy and condescension lend him a quiet heroism.
Vestal McIntyre's stories in You Are Not the One are edgy urban tales about young gay men interacting with their straight colleagues at the office or with friends. In one story a young woman decides she needs a gay man in her life (a Will to her Grace, perhaps), but she chooses one who is slippery and ultimately not too friendly. Mack Friedman's Setting the Lawn on Fire is again linked stories that take a young man through a horny, repressed boyhood, up to a summer of canning fish in Alaska and onto a seriocomic career as a hustler. Such a summary does no justice to the elegance and originality of the writing.
Barry McCrea, a young Irish-born Yale professor, has written a rapturous ode to Dublin in his first novel, The First Verse. A gay student at Trinity is manipulated by a strange cult of heterosexuals who use their erotic power over him to induct him into rites and practices of a satanic intensity. More traditional pleasure is provided by Robert J. Hughes's closely woven first novel, Late and Soon, about the art auction business in New York today. It is told from the point of view of a woman whose husband has left her for another man. Now, years later, she becomes friendly with her erstwhile rival, who has in turn been abandoned for a hotter, younger fireman. There are Jamesian delights in the beautiful language and ironies and nuanced psychological observations that Hughes has devised.
I think there is a real phenomenon here, the arrival of a whole new generation of gay writers who've come along to fill the shoes of their predecessors who died too young in the 1980s and '90s. These newcomers are unknown even to most gay men, who are too busy going to the gym and cruising on the Net to read. Whereas being cultured was once the entrance fee for being gay, now the gay community has dumbed down like the rest of the population. But just as the underappreciated American poetry scene is the most vigorous in the world and includes a dozen major figures, everyone from C.K. Williams to John Ashbery, from Louise Glück to Yusef Komunyakaa, in the same way the current gay literary moment is quietly, almost invisibly adding brilliant new names to a canon that is unknown except to the happy few.
Edmund White teaches writing at Princeton and is the author of nearly 20 books, including the recent autobiography My Lives.

Maybe Edmund White is correct in saying that the gay male reader has been dummied down, just like the rest of the reading public to accept fluff. I hope that isn't the case.

I just purchased two gay books that I am beginning to read, The Good Neighbor by Jay Quinn
and Grief by Andrew Holleran. Will let you know my thoughts as I plow through these books.

Happy Shirtless Summer

If you haven't seen it, check out Kelly's blog post challenge and what the Rainbow Flag means.

This post will remain at the top of the page until the end of the month.
Most recent posts will fall right after this one.In honor of Pride Month I made the follow challenge on May 31st.Here is my exact post from that day.
So, I have had a great response to this idea, and I want people to be recognized for taking the challenge. So I am listing all the blogs and sites that I know have posted the above picture. If you see it somewhere not on this list, email me or drop a comment in any of the posts on this blog. I never imagined it would get the response that is has from both gay and straight bloggers, and now I want more. Pride Month is almost half over, and I would like to round out the month with many, many more posts and comments. So I am reissuing the challenge...again pass it along to fellow bloggers, web hosts, online magazines, television stations, etc...get it out there, lets show the world, we are proud of who we are, where we have been and where we are going...Those who have accepted the challenge:1. Southern Expressions, 2. A Spiders Web inThorton Park,3. Strange Shades of Grey, 4.joeydestino, 5. YNAGER'65, 6. The Way I See It..., 7. A Life in the Day, 8. Raging Rainbows, 9. Dewey's Dartboard, 10. Chai and Sympathy, 11. Rock, Paper, Scissors, Gun, 12. The Krebs Cycle, 13. Utter Bibble, 14. Life's Colorful Brushstrokes, 15. Hello Waffles, 16. Hypoxic, 17. A Guy's Moleskine Notebook, 18. Orange Maze, 19. It's a Mommeee's Life, 20. JustinFeed, 21. Defining David, 22. The Lewis Show, 23. Rob's Stuff, 24. Dan Turning Forty, 25. Kevin's Space, 26. Gregor's Journal, 27. It's about what we say, 28. the AirFrames Aerodrom, 29. Sherpa of the Banality, 30. My Secretive Life, 31. Voyeur Nation, 32. You Can't Handle The Truthiness, 33. Gay Men Rule, 34. Robert Prather's blog, 35. Into the frey, 36. I'm the Gingerbread Man, 37. Tiger Wasteland, 38. Iotique Jaz, 39. Noted in an Instant, 40. Anakis Oogoo, 41. VJnet, 42. VJ Flickr Photos, 43. Sorted Lives, 44. The Life of Rian, 45. Quantum Entaglements, 46. Who Threw That Ham at Me?, 47. On a Tangent, 48. Memoirs of a Gay Chia, 49. big red dave, 50. Boys Are Ugly But So Cute, 51. The Untraveled Travel Guy, 52. The Short Bus, 53. My New Life, 54. Who Threw That Ham at Me, 55. It's Raining Men, 56. lemon parade, 57. Joel Stuart Living, 58. Weighing In, Without The Cookies, 59. Closetcase.co.uk, 60. effevescentlife, 61. All hail suburbia!, 62. Not Tell A Lie, 63. The Jimmie Chronicles, 64. Let's say you're right..., 65. A Little Happiness Sent to You, 66. There goes my pen, 67. I Keep Smiling, 68. Davids Blog, 69. These Are Me Thinks, 70. Brettcajun

TV's Interpertation of Gay Life has brought the images of Gay Men and Lesbians into the homes of Mr. and Mrs. America

See if you agree with the following article:

Gay themes brought debate to TV
By Rob Thomas
Visibly taken aback by the election results of the night before, Jon Stewart of Comedy Central's "The Daily Show" was struggling on Nov. 3, 2004, to figure out the key reason that President Bush won re-election. The reason he came up with was not tax cuts or abortion rights, or even national security.
He came up with "Will & Grace."
Stewart was using the popular and groundbreaking NBC comedy, which just ended its Emmy-winning run last month, as shorthand for gay rights issues. After all, in the 2004 election, 11 states had amendments opposing same-sex marriage on the ballot, including the deciding state of Ohio, and many observers felt these amendments brought cultural conservatives to the polls and tipped the scales in Bush's favor.
When Ron Becker, assistant professor of communications at Miami University of Ohio, saw Stewart mention "Will & Grace," he saw he had been given the opening quotation for his new book "Gay TV and Straight America." A single half-hour TV show summed up the key cultural issue that a presidential election had turned on.

UW alumnus Ron Becker will speak at Borders West on Thursday at 7 p.m.
Becker's book, published in February by Rutgers University Press, looks back on how the television landscape changed in the 1990s to become friendlier to both gay characters and gay issues. He'll read from and talk about the book at 7 p.m. Thursday at Borders West, 3750 University Ave.
The book, based on the dissertation Becker wrote while as a student at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, surveys gay themes on a broad range of shows, everything from the expected programs like "Will & Grace" and "Ellen" to "The Commish" and "Seinfeld."
Becker says his goal was not to document the prevalence of gay characters, but to chronicle gay themes on shows even when there were no gay characters present, and to show how they reflected what was happening in both gay and straight America.
"It's about sexual identity even if there are no gay or lesbian characters," Becker says. "The classic example is the 'Seinfeld' episode where Jerry and George are mistaken for being gay. All through the episode, they're saying 'We're not gay, not that there's anything wrong with that.' The whole episode is about the politics of sexual identity."
The "Seinfeld" episode illustrates a recurring theme of straight people having to address their own sexual identity as being separate from that of gay people. It's something that characters on television didn't have to deal with before the 1990s (because there were hardly any gay people on television) but became fodder for both drama and comedy during the decade.
Becker deems these themes "straight panic," and what was happening on television mirrored what straight America was dealing with in the 1990s as gays entered the mainstream.
"One of the ways that heterosexuality and homosexuality are related is that heterosexuality, as 'normal,' is defined and established by its 'abnormal' other," Becker says. "So what happens when gays demand to be normal?"
If it seems as if comedies tended to address gay themes more than dramas in the 1990s, Becker says that the anxiety brought on by "straight panic" and other aspects of sexual politics did make good fodder for comedy writers. But he also notes that situation comedies were just much more prevalent than dramas in the 1990s, and in fact both genres addressed gay themes at similar rates.
"Gay TV" looks at several common ways straight TV characters became involved with gay themes, from the "helpful heterosexual" who might use their position to help a gay friend, to the "homosexual heterosexual" who gets mistaken by others for gay.
Becker points to an episode of "Homicide: Life on the Street" as a clever twist on this theme, where the detectives investigate the murder of a man outside a gay bar, an apparent hate crime. In fact, even though the man was murdered because the killer thought he was gay, he was straight.
N ot surprisingly, the networks didn't throw open the doors and allow gay characters and themes onto television motivated primarily by altruistic or socially progressive reasons, Becker says.
The reason was simple: money.
In the 1990s, television networks chased relentlessly after a coveted young, big-city demographic with shows like "Friends" and "NYPD Blue." The thinking was that these viewers would be lucrative for potential advertisers, and would be attracted to shows that reflected their hip and tolerant worldview. In fact, in putting gay characters on their shows, the networks were more interested in attracting tolerant straight viewers than gay viewers themselves.
"I argue in the book that the networks became obsessed with 18- to 49-year-olds, and 18- to 34-year-olds especially," Becker says. "They perceived those people as being urban and hip and edgy, and that's why you saw a whole bunch of programs like 'NYPD Blue' pushing boundaries."
In that climate, viewers who might object to seeing such shows on television were largely ignored by the networks, Becker says. That changed in this decade; cultural conservatives got much more organized, and incidents like the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show controversy drew attention to the notion of "decent" vs. "indecent" television.
Today, Becker sees more shows with gay themes that seem to be aimed at gay viewers in a way that they weren't a decade ago.
"'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy' was clearly made for an 18-to-49-year-old female audience in mind," Becker says. "But they also made it with a gay audience in mind. Whereas with 'Will & Grace,' they said maybe some gay people will watch. But it was made with that young, urban audience in mind."
Becker says it's always tricky to try to draw connections between what people watch on television and what they think in their daily lives. But, as someone who remembers growing up in the 1980s and seeing hardly any gay characters like himself on television, he thinks the emergence of those characters in the 1990s was a positive force, fostering tolerance and acceptance of gays in the straight community.
"Their more open and accepting attitudes did make it more palatable," he says. "It had, I would argue, a normalizing effect."
E-mail: rthomas@madison.com
Published: June 14, 2006

Big Daddy Day Hugs to all my Blog Buds.

Getting More Than You Bargained For

Here is an article from the Washington Blade about guys meeting guys over the internet using hookup sites such as Manhunt.net, Bear411.com and others, and the unexpected results from such encounters.

Online hookup sites see thefts, assaultsCrimes linked to internet sex on the rise, officials sayBy PHIL LaPADULA June 8, 2:49 PM
The smiling young man in the muscle shirt looked like a good catch.


Ray Wenzel, 35, was arrested April 21 in Philadelphia, accused of robbing gay men whom he met on internet dating sites. According to police, at least 15 to 20 gay men fell victim to Wenzel's scheme.
After corresponding for about six hours on Manhunt.net, Joshua Sacks decided to invite the handsome stranger to his home in Washington, D.C., for some fun on the evening of April 12.
But looks, and internet profiles, can be deceiving. Sacks' dream date turned out to be a nightmare.
"Either he drugged me or I passed out," Sacks said. "I think he may have given me GHB."
When he awoke, Sacks discovered that the stranger, who would later be identified as Ray Wenzel, had left after allegedly stealing his Audi convertible, his passport, credit cards and checks. Later that day, Wenzel allegedly used Sacks' passport to cash a check.
On April 21, Philadelphia police arrested Wenzel, 35, after an alleged crime spree that spanned at least two states and Washington, D.C., in which numerous gay men seeking sexual encounters or dates via the internet were apparently victimized.
Wenzel faces charges of theft, possession of narcotics and stealing a car, according to Beth Skala, public information officer for the Philadelphia Police Department. At the time of his arrest, he was also wanted on several other charges, including identity theft and credit card fraud, in Washington, D.C., and Virginia, Skala said.
Most victims cruising sex sites
Wenzel is one of several suspected cyberspace predators prowling internet dating sites for potential victims. In fact, law enforcement officials say internet rip-off schemes related to sex and romance sites are among the fastest growing segments of the overall online crime problem.
"We've definitely seen an increase in online dating crimes in the past five years," said Sgt. Brett Parson, commander of D.C. Police Gay & Lesbian Liaison Unit, who was involved in investigating the Wenzel case.
Parson said gay victims of internet dating crimes are "overwhelmingly men cruising for sex" on sites like Manhunt, as opposed to the more relationship-oriented dating sites.
According to Parson, Wenzel is suspected of victimizing at least 15 to 20 gay men. When Wenzel was arrested, police found driver's licenses and other identification belonging to alleged victims in Florida, Parson said. But it could not be confirmed through Florida authorities that Wenzel was wanted for any crimes in the state at the time of his arrest.
In a November 2005 case, police arrested Brett Chasen Wolfe in the lobby of an apartment building in Washington, D.C. Wolfe is also accused of stealing credit cards from gay men he met on the Manhunt dating site.
The D.C. Police's Gay & Lesbian Liaison Unit nabbed Wolfe following a sting operation after an undercover agent contacted him on Manhunt and arranged a meeting.
The alleged 'bear' robber
In August 2005, the Broward County Sheriff's Department in Florida arrested Gregg A. Sullivan after he allegedly robbed a man he met in an online dating site for gay men who identify as "bears" called Bear411.com.
Sullivan is accused of stealing Ken Nyquist's wallet and personal items, including his grandmother's 1905 championship swimming medal, and using his credit card to purchase $112 worth of items at a grocery store.
In the Sullivan case, the computer the suspect used to facilitate his alleged crime also created an electronic trail back to him. After the alleged robbery, Nyquist went back online and contacted other customers of Bear411.com. One of them provided authorities with Sullivan's full name and address.
Sullivan was nabbed after he allegedly pawned Nyquist's belongings, including the 1905 swimming medal. He was originally charged with grand theft and dealing in stolen property. The grand theft charge has been dropped and Sullivan is still awaiting trial on a charge of dealing in stolen property, according to the Broward County State Attorney's Office. He was released from jail after posting bond.
Parson said D.C. police have not detected any coordinated effort or ring of criminals targeting gay men via internet dating sites.
"The cases we have seen have been individuals acting on their own," he said.
Besides the robberies, people have been "raped and rendered unconscious by drugs" after meeting people in online dating sites, Parson said.
Anonymity attracts criminals
Parson said the anonymity of the internet is attractive to both customers and criminals. He said many of those who use online dating and hookup sites may be closeted gay men and may be reluctant to contact police when they fall victim to crime.
"Someone who goes to a gay bar to meet people has some level of comfort with their sexual orientation," Parson said. "There is more chance that they will call the police."
Parson said the criminals are often technologically savvy. They create profiles using fake information and other people's photos from cyber cafes or public libraries, making them difficult to trace.
Stephan Adelson, a spokesperson for Manhunt.net, said the company is limited in how it can respond to incidents because of liability and privacy issues.
"We get phone calls from all types of people making all kinds of claims," Adelson said. "We could be put in a liable position if someone's accusations are not substantiated."
Manhunt, however, does delete the profile of a suspected criminal once the company receives a subpoena from the police, Adelson said.
But deleting a suspect's profile doesn't prevent an alleged perpetrator from creating a new one. In Wenzel's case, for example, his account with the screen name "OnTopofYoutoNite" was deleted March 30, 12 days before he allegedly robbed Sacks. Adelson said the words "known criminal" were noted in Wenzel's file.
But Wenzel created a new profile with the screen name "DCupforFun." That profile was deleted April 15 after Manhunt received information that Wenzel allegedly used someone else's credit card to create the account, Adelson said.
Safe cruising tips
Adelson said Manhunt posts safe cruising tips on its website, including leaving a trail behind if you decide to meet someone. Write down the person's phone number, screen name and where and when you plan to meet the individual, he suggested. Leave that information in a conspicuous place in your home.
Ask for more than one picture of your prospective date, Adelson said. Meet the person in a public place and have a friend know where you're going. It's also a good idea to have a friend call you during the date.
Paul Bressen, spokesperson for the FBI Public Affairs Office, said the agency has seen an "across-the-board increase" in crimes targeting people who visit romance websites or personal ad sites based on reports to the Internet Complaint Center (www.IC3.gov), a joint project of the FBI and the National White Collar Crime Center.
In addition to the hookup robberies, a rapidly growing scheme involves a perpetrator gaining the confidence of someone through a romance website and persuading him or her to ship stolen merchandise or cash bogus checks.
Jon van Halsing, co-author of "Cyber Love's Illusions," a book about internet romance scams, said many perpetrators never even meet their victims. They often create phony profiles using photos taken from modeling sites. The scammer, who usually resides in Nigeria or Eastern Europe, persuades the victim to receive and ship stolen merchandise or cash phony money orders.
"They'll target gay, straight or anything in between," Halsing said. "Within a week, they'll be in love and they'll say they want to come over and spend their lives with you."
'Prince Charming'
Once they gain the victim's confidence, they'll ask their target to cash a phony money order or to receive and ship what, unbeknownst to the victim, is stolen merchandise.
"They claim they can't cash an American money order in Nigeria," Halsing said.
The money order is usually not discovered to be a fake until weeks later.
"Cyber Love's Illusions" includes detailed psychological profiles of potential victims of internet romance crimes. Halsing said some victims are actually hard-working, successful people who nevertheless find themselves alone and missing something in their lives despite their business accomplishments.
"We call that the 'Captain America complex,'" Halsing said.
But perhaps the most vulnerable are people who have just been through a breakup or other traumatic event.
"The next thing you know, here comes Prince Charming over the internet," Halsing said.
E-Mail this article

So trust your instincts instead of your cock. The net is a great place to meet guys. So many of you I call my friends and enjoy your comments you post here. Without the net, I would have never gotten to know a great bunch of guys. We all have to be cautious whenever net friendship turns to a face to face meeting. But in this small world we call the internet, we can indeed build on such friendships, over the course of time. And big hairy muscle hugs do feel better in person.

A Very Sad State of Affairs: Bareback Video Rentals and Sales Skyrocket

Before I get on my soapbox, here's the article describing the surging demand by gay men for bareback porn flicks.

Bareback sales booming (Gay)Some video stores, porn producers ignore pleas of AIDS activists
By LOU CHIBBARO JR. Friday, June 02, 2006
Despite strong objections from AIDS activists, the production and sale of adult videos for gay men in which the actors don’t use condoms is expanding at a rapid pace, with more studios and retail distributors jumping on the “bareback” bandwagon.
Some AIDS activists, who expressed concern three years ago when gay bareback videos first reappeared on the scene, say they are even more alarmed over the recent trend by porn studios in using younger models, age 18 to 21, in bareback films.
“The message in that kind of imagery and entertainment should be to reinforce safer sex, and that includes using condoms during sexual activity,” said Ronald Johnson, an official with the Gay Men’s Health Crisis, one of the nation’s oldest AIDS advocacy groups based in New York City.
“The imagery is a very powerful one,” Johnson said. “I think this industry needs to recognize the power of that imagery and the responsibility they have.”
Representatives of gay adult film studios and retail distributors, including the increasingly popular online sales outlets for gay adult videos, express mixed views over the bareback phenomenon.
Some refuse to produce or sell bareback videos, saying the industry should hold to the practice it established in the late 1980s and early 1990s, when condoms were required for all depictions of anal intercourse.
Others say that, as businesses, they find it difficult to buck a market demand for bareback videos at a time of great competition in the adult gay entertainment industry. They also say businesses that serve gay people, an historically persecuted group, should not be engaging in a form of censorship by denying customers the right to choose the form of entertainment they like.
“Barebacking has become an issue of, if you can’t fight it, join it,” said Todd Brown, a buyer for Blue Ribbon Entertainment, Inc., which owns the online businesses GayVideoStore.com and BarebackVideoStore.net.
Brown said his company places disclaimers in the descriptions of all bareback videos that warn buyers that the practice of barebacking can lead to HIV transmission.
Industry observers say the creation of online distributors specializing in bareback videos, and the recent formation by studios of divisions specializing in producing bareback films, show growing demand for bareback products.
Doug Lawrence, editor of Gay Video News, a subsidiary of the trade publication Adult Video News, estimates between 10 to 15 percent of the gay adult films being produced are bareback movies.
“All the major companies are safe-sex, condom companies,” he said in describing the larger studios like Titan, Raging Stallion, Falcon, Cult, Hot House and All World.
Brown, the buyer for BarebackVideoStore.net, said the larger gay adult studios, while professing opposition to bareback films, have been capitalizing on the bareback demand by re-releasing their pre-AIDS gay porn flicks, where condoms were never used. The videos are then marketing as “pre-condom” films.
“They are making a big push to re-release their old titles without condoms,” Brown said. “They want to get a piece of this money coming from barebacking.”
A spot survey of gay adult video stores in several major cities shows that nearly all are selling bareback videos.
Capitol Video, which operates three video stores in D.C. that sell both adult and general entertainment videos, includes some bareback titles, according to manager Tim Snyder.
Stores selling adult gay videos in New York, Fort Lauderdale, San Francisco, Los Angeles, and Boston have each reported selling bareback videos during the past few years.

This all means that guys want to have unprotected sex at whatever cost. They live for the moment, whatever the consequences of their actions, they don't want to take any responsibility. Such self hatred. And all this for not wanting to take 15 fuckin seconds to put on a condom.

And it also proves that gay porn has failed to provide steamy hot safer sex. The blame goes all around. The producers and directors don't have their heart or cocks into it. The actors are so noninvolved and stoned out of their minds that they don't force the issue, instead they perform like zombies. No wonder the pre-condom sales are rising. Those guys while dead now for the most part, really knew how to have hot sizzling sex with each other.

It seems as if hot foreplay, hairy muscle sex and sizzling nipple play just doesn't do it for these guys. A very sad commentary.